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Nikki Glaser, Orbit, Amy Schumer, Jennifer Lawrence

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Amy Schumer isn't BFFs with Jennifer Lawrence—they're just "really good Fs."

Nikki Glaser, however, is proudly BFFs with the Trainwreck star, but as she joked to E! News on Thursday (National Coffee Day), "I really lucked out in getting to be friends with [Amy] before she got famous, because it'd be hard right now!"

"She has the craziest life," added Nikki, a comedienne herself and frequent collaborator of Ms. Schumer's. "She's maybe the most famous woman right now, and yet she still calls me and is like, 'How was the dentist yesterday?' She still keeps up with my life."

Nikki, who has an upcoming ten-episode series and stand-up special about sex on Comedy Central, shares "dating advice all the time," with Amy, she said. "We have similar styles of dating in terms of like going for guys that aren't great for us, and we're both female comics, so it's hard and we know what that's like...we're constantly in a text thread with each other just talking about boys and lamenting..."

Yeah, dating is rough—no matter who you are. However, if you ask Nikki, meeting someone at a coffee shop (as opposed to a bar, restaurant, etc.) is the best option for those inevitably awkward first dates. The self-proclaimed "coffee-ie" ("like a foodie, but with coffee") let the fine people of Orbit Gum send her on five blind coffee dates in celebration of National Coffee Day. (You can watch these caffeinated setups for yourself in the video above.) 

Nikki was really open-minded when it came to the opposite sex—except when it came to guys in Fedoras.

Nikki Glaser, GIF, Fedora

YouTube

(Fellas, just don't.)

Anyway, because Nikki was open to mostly anything (with the exception of unfortunate accessories and man buns), we asked her to play "Kiss, Marry, Pass" with Amy, J.Law and—just for good measure—Angelina Jolie!

She would kiss...J.Law, "because come on!"

Marry Amy, "because she's just the warmest, kindest person..."

And Nikki would take a hard pass on Angelina, "because I'm like Team Aniston 'til I die!"

Important Note: Like politics, religion, and babies, celebrity love triangles shouldn't come up until at least date 3.

For that first date, just play it cool—much like Nikki in the 3 super-seductive GIFs below....

Nikki Glaser, GIF, Gum 1

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Nikki Glaser, GIF, Gum 2

YouTube

Nikki Glaser, GIF, Gum 3

YouTube

Oh, and the Orbit gum wrapper almost going down our shirt? As Nikki noted, "That was intentional!"