Turn down your whale distress sounds and listen up! We have MUCH to discuss regarding tonight's Scream Queens...
(Did that bedtime scene DESTROY anyone else???)
Tonight we got to see chainsaws, lots of them. And a few missing body parts. Three of them. And most importantly: Perhaps the best use ever of the Backstreet Boys' trademark song, as the ‘roided up Dicky Dollar Scholars went after the Red Devil with baseball bats. I cried. I died. I loved every minute. So much fun.
So what did we learn? What lies ahead? And what's this week's official power ranking of the Red Devil and Bathtub Baby suspects? Let's dig in, friends and fellow idiot hookers! (That never gets old.)
WHAT WE LEARNED
—Denise (Niecy Nash) floated this surprisingly not-terrible theory: What if there were two killers? The baseball/chainsaw scene sure showed us she was right, and there is definitely more than one person donning the costume. (I spied two distinct red capes in the wardrobe room yesterday when I was on set in New Orleans...shhhh!!!) Is she right to suspect Zayday (Keke Palmer) and her "grandmother's" present? Time will tell, but you can bet your bananas that chainsaw is NOT from grandma. And there is likely one killer who's calling the shots—and has his or her own "Number Two."
—Dean Munsch (Jamie Lee Curtis) is wicked suspicious. Not only was she there the night of the bathtub incident, but she destroyed the lives of at least four Kappa girls that night. (Wait, no, only three since one is "apparently doing quite well on Fox News"—LOL for days.) When I asked the cast on set yesterday who they think the killer is, they all replied that Munsch definitely had something to do with it. Mmmhmmmmmm....And you caught how fake her yawn was when she said she was ready for bed, right? And how she turned up the sound machine just as the Red Devil came into the house? #DeanDevil
—Hester (Lea Michele) is now Number 6. So long neckbrace! Hello, incredibly insane scenes next week with Chad Radwell in a graveyard and a haunted house. Just. You. Wait. You won't believe the words coming out of Lea's mouth. Oh, and by the way, her hair is now an homage to...
—Number Two (Ariana Grande), who certainly appears to be most definitely dead. Also, Niecy Nash's repeated line of "That picture isn't even cute!" regarding Number Two's loungey Instagram photo is something she improv'd herself and killed me every time.
—Number Three's sexuality is "Fluid." Sure, she seems to be playing Sam (Jeanna Han), her "alibuddy" in order to cover up some misdoing, but Billie Lourd told me that her character is definitely open when it comes to sexuality, and gender doesn't so much matter. Also you know that 869 tattoo that Sam referenced in the vigil scenes? Number Three has an 869 tattoo and that is likely a nod to the 2012 movie 869 which had 8 actresses living in a house vying for a horror movie role.
WHAT LIES AHEAD
There's a pretty shocking reveal at the end of next week's episode—get ready to see one of the characters you know well in a whole new…darkness. This person (oh, I'll just say SHE) is tied to the bathtub tragedy of 1995.
The opening of next week's episode is a complete non-sequitor and my favorite scene yet. It is called "Chanel-o-ween." It has a Taylor Swift connection. Prepare to die laughing. Put your affairs in order now.
Grace could definitely be the bathtub baby. Even she starts to suspect it. Could her father have been lying about her age?
Gigi (Nasim Pedrad) is definitely not what she seems. A) Completely unfazed by the Texas Chainsaw screening. B) Dropped kicked the chainsaw out of the Red Devil's hands like she was Sydney Bristow on 'roids. C) Still that whole 90's PTSD thing.
There Will Be a Halloween episode (next week) and also a Thanksgiving episode. Nothing says Happy Holidays like more murrrrdddeeerr!
Yay, Women! You'll start to see that there is a girls-coming-together element to the show, as some of the characters start to back each other up and become more sympathetic. ""It's just ridiculous these girls," Ryan Murphy tells me. "But the thing that I'm really proud of is I think at the end of the day you see that these girls do have a heart of gold even though Emma's character is so crazy beyond. That's an evolution in the show. "
The producers know the final ending, and who the killer is, but NO ONE else does among the cast—Like, for realsies. "We haven't shot the ending yet," executive producer Brad Falchuk explains. "We shoot in the middle to the end of October, and we'll probably write two or three endings and then we'll put the script out with all of them and then we'll shoot them all. We know what it's going to be. [But] No one on the cast knows who the killer is. They can't. The whole point is that they can't know. What I'm trying to do is give them the opportunity to have the greatest performances they can have, and if they know it won't be as good."
There will be lots more romance on the show—and a Chad/Hester/Chanel love triangle! "The horror that I love is all about people coming together for a common good," Murphy tells me. "So you get really close to a person in a very tight-quartered situation, and from that comes sexual heat and sparks. So on the show we have many, many devious romances. The It couple of the show is Chanel and Chad Radwell, but complicating that is the Lea Michele-Hester character who is basically Eve Harrington, who wants everything that Chanel has and sets her sight on Chad."
"At one point Chad has to choose between the two of them, so that's a great love triangle," Ryan continues. "Then we also have the Oliver Hudson, Nasim, Jamie Lee Curtis love triangle. Then we also found out that Jamie Lee Curtis is having an affair with Chad Radwell, so then there's the Jamie Lee, Chanel, Hester triangle. We also have a great love story between KeKe Palmer and the Early Grey character, who is a member of the Dicky Dollar Scholars, so that's really cool. And Grace (Skyler Samuels), of course, and Pete (Diego Boneta) are star-crossed lovers who are the main drive about finding out who the killer is.
And OMG, just you wait till you see how Hester is with Chad in the next episode! Jaw on floor and possibly on way to China.
Current ranking of the top Red Devil Suspects:
Current ranking of the Bathtub Baby Suspects:
Current Power Ranking of the Couples:
LINE OF THE NIGHT: Chad and Chanel scene at Boone's vigil: "Could you maybe sleep with less people?" "Do you even hear how pathological you are being?"
What did you think of tonight's episode? Any brilliant theories/guesses/questions? Make sure you join our exclusive, secret society Squad SQ for inside information no one else has! Just follow and tweet @Kristindsantos "I want in. Squad SQ" and/or follow "Squad SQ" on Snapchat for private snaps others can't see with exclusive, inside intel.
See you next Tuesday!