When NASA first revealed that they would be making a big announcement on Monday, we were sure it was going to be that Beyoncé is actually an alien princess sent down from Mars to test how long it would take her to assimilate into our culture. Now that she's basically our queen, they would have to send her back, as the experiment was over. And then we'd have to lock her away in a bunker to keep her from leaving and it was going to be a big ol' mess.
Turns out, we were wrong. NASA actually had even cooler news, in our scientific opinion. And we're pretty good at science, just so you know. We got a "Passed" in high school biology.
Anyway, NASA found evidence of water on mars! And that means that the red planet could probably support life and that means that the events of Independence Day are probably right around the corner. Bring us Jeff Goldblum!
"It took multiple spacecraft over several years to solve this mystery, and now we know there is liquid water on the surface of this cold, desert planet," Michael Meyer, lead scientist for NASA's Mars Exploration Program said in a statement. "It seems that the more we study Mars, the more we learn how life could be supported and where there are resources to support life in the future."
But before all these exciting developments, NASA kept us dangling in anticipation over the weekend, wondering what the big announcement was. Basically, people were bummed to find out that their predictions didn't come true. They wanted aliens, damn it!
Ecto cooler or Hi-C on mars would have been way cooler #MarsAnnouncement— Dan Gross (@Grosssman) September 28, 2015
Water was found on Mars supposedly. Wake me up when they find monsters there. #MarsAnnouncement— Mortimer (@SoRegalMortimer) September 28, 2015
#MarsAnnouncement of flowing water could just be NASA's way of mocking California.— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) September 28, 2015
Wake me when they find free-flowing vodka on Mars.— Dan Savage (@fakedansavage) September 28, 2015
Breaking: Nestle has purchased rights to Mars' water. Watch for Pure Martian Life water on shelves in 2019. #MarsAnnouncement— Marty Chan (@Marty_Chan) September 28, 2015
NASA found salt water on Mars. Which means even UFOs will have those god damn "Salt Life" stickers on them. #MarsAnnouncement— Matt Fernandez (@FattMernandez) September 28, 2015
.@MarkHarrisNYC Hey! Those researchers toiled for YEARS in order to time the release of findings in conjunction w/ next big Matt Damon film.— Scott Eric Kaufman (@scottekaufman) September 28, 2015
Amazing #MarsAnnouncement from NASA! They've found a weakness! It's a small thermal exhaust port, right below the main port— Nigel Moss (@nigenet) September 28, 2015
Hey, unless the water you found on Mars was in a cup carried by a full on alien, I'M NOT INTERESTED!— Kumail Nanjiani (@kumailn) September 28, 2015
Water on Mars? Not impressed. Baywatch on Mars? Impressed.— Michael Ian Black (@michaelianblack) September 28, 2015
NASA decided that other actors and not just Matt Damon will be abandoned on Mars. #MarsAnnouncement— Dr. Pt?iradactyl ?_? (@geo_teira) September 28, 2015
Wait'll they find oil on Mars. THEN things will get serious. #MarsAnnouncement— Roy Edroso (@edroso) September 28, 2015
Okay @NASA, so there's water on Mars, but I think the question on all of our lips is 'is the moon actually made of cheese?'— Jim Chapman (@JimsTweetings) September 28, 2015
Hipsters are happy to find out that Mars is suitable for pickling.— SarcasticRover (@SarcasticRover) September 28, 2015
NASA confirmed that you say gif like jif so— Rachel Whitehurst (@RachLWhitehurst) September 28, 2015
Ok but NASA didn't invent water on Mars it's been there for millions of years. Why should they get invited to the White House— Arthur Chu (@arthur_affect) September 28, 2015
NASA: "Liquid water flows on Mars." Me: "Sweet, now where the aliens at?" NASA: "Aliens? What aliens??" Me pic.twitter.com/OHTVnjqVTP— The Happy Campers (@HappyCampersTHC) September 28, 2015
[NASA announces water on Mars] Any questions? Reporter: ARE THERE SPACE DOLPHINS Haha very funn- [2nd reporter stands] ANSWER THE QUESTION— Jeff Wysaski (@pleatedjeans) September 28, 2015
we found water on mars but still can't edit tweets— Desus Nice (@desusnice) September 28, 2015
We're going to go ahead and agree with the edit-tweets thing. C'mon, Twitter! Get your s--t together!