This dude got a book deal!
Money Pizza Respect—the first literary effort by comedian Josh Ostrovsky, who's known professionally as "The Fat Jew"—won't be available for mass consumption until Nov. 3 but E! News got an exclusive sneak peek at the first chapter.
And it's stupid funny.
Tyrese Gibson, who wrote the foreword, states, "The Fat Jew makes me proud to be an American."
"The fact that I actually wrote a book still amazes me and my mom, and my dad, and pretty much anyone who has ever met me," Josh writes.
The humorous memoir marks the logical next step in the evolution of Josh's very successful brand. What does one do after they get to 6 million Instagram followers, launch a critically acclaimed wine (White Girl Rosé), host a radio show and become a model?
Write a book.
Because chronologically it makes sense to start at the beginning, Josh takes us through the formative years of life in Chapter One, titled, "Child Abuse. I know What You're Thinking; Just Read The Chapter."
"My mom always wished she was an actress or performer of some kind, but that never happened for her," he writes. "I mean, she was in some s---ty play in the village when she was like twenty, in which she played a unicorn who was on food stamps" Josh says of his mother whom he blames his fame on, "I have a theory that when I was born, she transferred all of her hopes and dreams of being on stage to me. Classic, right? To be fair, I had the exquisite facial structure of an angel, the singing voice of a prepubescent Tony Bennett, and the overall look and vibe of a young Asian woman.
"Over the course of my childhood my mom pushed me toward the performing arts. She didn't know any better. It was the eighties. It was back before Toddlers and Tiaras, when people finally realized that living vicariously through your children was a bad idea and would inevitably f--k them up."
We'll take our childhood naivety any day.
Money Pizza Respect is truly a tale for our times, a collection of stories written by someone without a filter—and if you don't take yourself too seriously and enjoy a good satire, you'll love it.
And if not, you'll be appalled, disgusted and probably feel the need to tweet about how much you hate it.