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Blood and Oil, The Muppets, Quantico, Dr. Ken

ABC

And we're off!

In less than two weeks, the 2015 fall TV season will officially kick off, with some of our ol' favorites returning, and an insane amount of new shows attempting to earn a spot on our increasingly crowded DVR line-up. Overwhelmed by all the options? Fret not, our TV Scoop Team is here to help! We're giving you our short and sweet (and sometimes snarky) rapid-fire reviews of all the new fall offerings from the five networks. First up? ABC, with comedies The Muppets and Dr. Ken, and dramas Quantico and Blood & Oil

(Note: Wicked City, which will premiere on Oct. 27, has yet to be sent out. Reporters, we're just like you?)

QUANTICO, Pilot

ABC/Craig Sjodin

Quantico
Premiere Date: Sunday, Sept. 27 at 10 p.m.
Time-Slot Competition: CSI: Cyber (CBS), Football (NBC)
Stars: Priyanka Chopra, Jake McLaughlin, Aunjanue Ellis, Yasmine Al Massri, Johanna Brady, Tate Ellington, Graham Rogers and Josh Hopkins

Kristin Dos Santos: Probably my favorite new drama of the season. The trailer didn't grab me but the pilot definitely did. I want to know which one of these ridiculously hot people is the bomber like I want air. So. In!

Tierney Bricker: Quantico has everything I like in a show: Sexy people! Secrets! Spies! And the split between the flashbacks to the first day of training camp and the present-day whodunit totally works, making you second-guess every character's every line and move. I'm all in. 

Chris Harnick: Surprise! The trailer for this show doesn't do it justice. Yes, it's easy to say Homeland meets Grey's Anatomy, but is it fair to say that? Not quite. The pilot is intriguing and sets up for what could be an interesting season. Or it could be a disaster. Hmm…

Jean Bentley: I love a good whodunit and I loooove spy stuff, so trying to figure out which spy, uh, dunit, will be immensely satisfying. Plus, sexy spies doing sexy things with one another is kind of like the Grey's Anatomy/Homeland fanfiction I didn't know I desperately wanted to read until just now. (Wait, is that a thing? Leave your links in the comments. For research.) Bonus: Priyanka Chopra might be the actual most beautiful human being currently walking the Earth.

Lauren Piester: Priyanka Chopra is a perfect human and I would gladly just watch her do most things, but I'm especially interested in watching her go through FBI training at Quantico, even if there weren't a massive terrorist attack to investigate. Actually, I'd almost prefer to not have the massive terrorist attack, but as long as it doesn't abandon its great array of characters in favor of trying to solve this giant mystery, I could be very happy with this show.

Blood and Oil

ABC/Craig Sjodin

Blood & Oil
Premiere Date: Sunday, Sept. 27 at 9 p.m.
Time-Slot Competition: The Good Wife (CBS), Family Guy (Fox), Football (NBC)
Stars: Don Johnson, Chace Crawford, Rebecca Rittenhouse, Amber Valletta, Delroy Lindo, Scott Michael Foster and India de Beaufort

Kristin Dos Santos: Is it too late to ask Chace Crawford to join Ed Westwick on Wicked City? I wanted to like this show, but found myself laughing out loud—at all the wrong parts. This show is just trying too hard, and the plot just feel silly and forced. Sorry!

Tierney Bricker: You know how Will Ferrell and Kristen Wiig decided to make a parody of all those Lifetime movies? This is like that. Expect it takes itself seriously. I think? Also, the constant title changes (Boom! Oil! Blood & Oil! Sure, why not?!) might prove to be more entertaining than the show itself, which is basically Nashville with oil. Though those of you with dreams of one day owning a laundromat and/or car wash will truly relate and/or take issue with the inaccurate portrayal of up-and-coming laundromat and/or car wash owners.

Chris Harnick: This the first show ever set in North Dakota? Bored throughout the whole pilot except when Don Johnson was on screen, but the very end of the episode caught my attention, just not enough to return for episode two.

Jean Bentley: I can really relate to the couple at the center of this drama because my life's goal is also to open a laundromat in North Dakota. With a plot point that insane you'd think this soap would be ridiculous in the campy, fun way, but instead is boring as heck and wastes not only the pristine beauty of Nate Archibald himself, but also the playful charm of Scott Michael Foster. Cappie, you deserve so much better.

Lauren Piester: I will never get over the fact that the two main characters set off in the beginning to achieve their dream of starting a laundromat in North Dakota (where business is boomin'). I can't. I actually don't know what happened after that, because I was too busy laughing at the very idea of them setting off in their pick-up full of washer dryers. I also miss when this show was called Boom! That at least made it sound fun, and not like it's time to take a shower. 

The Muppets

ABC/Bob D'Amico

The Muppets
Premiere Date: Tuesday, Sept. 22 at 8 p.m. 
Time-Slot Competition: NCIS (CBS), The Flash (The CW), Grandfathered (Fox), The Voice (NBC)
Stars: Kermit the Frog, Miss Piggy, Gonzo...you know, the Muppets

Kristin Dos Santos: Everyone knows Kermit and Miss Piggy are puppets, right? Just putting it out there, as we have all seen the devastating effects of The Great Muppet Delusion 2015. I couldn't give a flying frog about their FAKE romance troubles, but the show is fun and worth a watch or two.

Tierney Bricker: At 26, the Muppets were a few years before my time. I say this 1. to  rub my youth in your face (but if you are younger than me, please stand still so I can suck the youth out of you), and 2. to somewhat justify my absolute disinterest in this show and the break-ups of felt characters. It feels kind of shticky? But hey, at least it's a sentimental shtick. 

Chris Harnick: Based on the 10 minutes screened, I can't really say much about the show. The Muppets are timeless. Will this show be a highlight or low point in their legacy?

Jean Bentley: Not to get all Statler and Waldorf on you, but I have no particular attachment to The Muppets so this was fine? It was funny and I do love me some Kermie but I could also have very easily lived my life without this show. But I think if you're Muppet-obsessed, you'll probably loooooove it.

Lauren Piester: I loved the ten minutes we got to see. As a fan of both The Muppets and The Office, The Muppets plus The Office sounds like a perfect show, but am I the only person who finds puppet love lives super creepy? Seeing a frog date a pig was already too much for me, and now I'm very weirded out by the Muppets dating humans. I just hope interspecies romance is not the main focus of this entire show, because I will not be able to watch it. I want lots of singing and existential questions about what it means to be green, not relationship problems between Kermit and Miss Piggy.

DR. KEN, Pilot

ABC/Michael Desmond

Dr. Ken
Premiere Date: Friday, Oct. 2 at 8:30 p.m.
Time-Slot Competition: The Amazing Race (CBS), Reign (The CW), MasterChef Junior (Fox), Undateable (NBC)
Stars: Ken Jeong, Suzy Nakamura, Albert Tsai, Tisha Campbell-Martin, Jonathan Slavin, Krista Marie Yu and Dave Foley

Kristin Dos Santos: FREE KEN JEONG FROM THIS TERRIBLE SHOW. It feels like there were too many cooks in the kitchen, because Ken himself is a national treasure. But I didn't laugh once. Cringe count? Too high.

Tierney Bricker: This feels like a scrapped Saturday Night Live skit. A dash of Ken Jeong in a supporting role? Yes, please. As the main course? A little exhausting.

Chris Harnick: Oh Ken Jeong, no.

Jean Bentley: Not even the adorable Albert Tsai (RIP, Trophy Wife) could make me watch more than one episode of this incredibly cheesy family sitcom full of obvious jokes and no clear comedic point of view. Cristela might not have caught on last year, but at least it was actually funny.

Lauren Piester: I love the idea of this show. The fact that Ken Jeong is an actual doctor is one of my favorite trivia facts to bring up at parties (I'm very fun), so a show about Ken Jeong as a doctor sounds like a great idea. This show, however, seems more like all of Ken Jeong's characters as a doctor, and that's not the same thing. Or at least I hope it's not the same thing. Is it weird that I would prefer a medical drama starring Ken Jeong? That all said, this could be a lot worse.

Check back with us tomorrow for our thoughts on all of CBS' new fall offerings!