In Tuesday's episode of Comedy Central's Inside Amy Schumer, a fictional pop quartet performed "Girl, You Don't Need Makeup" in the vein of One Direction's 2011 hit "What Makes You Beautiful." (But seriously, did Schumer know Zayn Malik planned to leave the band, or was that just a coincidence?)
The video began with the boy band serenading the minimally made up comic: "Girl, it ain't no lie / Just look deep into my eyes / You're perfect and I think you should know / You should know / That you don't need no lipstick / You don't need no blush / 'Cause you've got that inner natural glow / Magazines say that you're whack / Girl, don't believe them / Just leave that tabloid trash on the rack / Girl, don't you read them / You're beautiful and who cares what they think / Now wash that loving face off in the sink / In the sink, girl / Girl, you don't need makeup / You're perfect when you wake up / Just walk around like that all day / Wipe that goop off of your face / I'll take you to a special place / It's something that I've got to say / Wipe it off (woo) / Wipe it off (yeah) / Wipe it off (let's go, girl) / Wipe it off."
Schumer did as she was told, removing her natural-looking makeup.
The comedienne didn't get the reaction she expected, though. Upon seeing Schumer's fresh face, the band changed its tune, singing, "Ho-ho-hold up, girl / We spoke too soon / With this whole no makeup tune / We kinda changed our minds on the makeup thing / You'll be the hottest girl in the nation / With just a touch of foundation / Girl, I can't be seen with the ghost from The Ring / I didn't know that your lashes were so stubby and pale / Just a little mascara and you'll look female / Please listen, girl, what we're trying to say / Just get up an hour earlier / And you can make yourself much girlier (girlier)."
Cue the chorus—and the mixed message.
"Girl, you don't need makeup / You're perfect when you wake up / Just don't go outside like that, OK? / Just a little makeup / Some natural looking makeup / What more do I have to say?" the boy band asked.
"Just put it on!" they sang-shouted. "Just put it on!"
An irritated Schumer said, "I'm trying!" During the "na-na-na" section of the song, Schumer was told that she still wasn't wearing "enough."
"More?" she asked.
"Girl, I want to get real with you," one of the singers told Schumer. "I got a lot of regrets in my life. I regret missing my father's funeral to audition for The Voice. I regret being high when my niece was born. But most of all, I regret telling you not to wear makeup. That's on me. But what's on you is hopefully more makeup. See, it's like I tore up shag carpet hoping there was hardwood floors underneath. But it turns out to be just dirty linoleum. These are just metaphors, girl. But they are about your face."
"Girl, you do need makeup / Lots and lots of makeup / Think of a clown and then work your way back / You are great except your face, girl / So don't take off your makeup / Wear it when you sleep and swim."
Even after heeding their advice, the damage was done.
"We met someone else / We're out," the boy band sang.
If anyone can show audiences the difference being a natural beauty and being a natural-looking beauty—while making it funny, to boot—it's Schumer. Preach, girl.
For comparison, watch 1D's "What Makes You Beautiful" music video below.