Kate Middleton, Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge, Princess Charlotte, Prince William

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It isn't news that life in the royal family is a very good life. Prince George is basically the very definition of hashtag blessed. He gets the best toys, he has the best nappies, and he has the coolest grandmother ever.

Even though Princess Charlotte just graced the world, it doesn't take an expert to know that the second spawn of Kate and Will is going to have it just as good. But since we are experts (in our heads), we happen to have the inside scoop on just what (imaginary) life is going to be like for the spare heiress.

That's right, we were able to obtain an hour-by-hour breakdown of the little babe's routine (because we made it up) straight from Charlotte herself, and we're letting you in on all the fabulousness. Fasten your seat belts, folks, because life as a royal baby is a wild ride.

7:00 a.m. What, you think I'm awake already? I'm a royal baby! I need my beauty sleep.

8:00 a.m. It's time to be gently coaxed from the grips of sleep by a chorus of chirping doves.

9:00 a.m. After taking care of the necessary nature calls (hey, even a royal baby has to eat and poop!), it's time to select the day's outfits. It's hard to keep all my pieces straight, but luckily the palace employs a staff of commoner babies to model my extensive wardrobe for me.

10:00 a.m.-12:00 p.m. Elocution lessons with the royal speech coach. On today's agenda: learning "Bow down bitches."

1:00 p.m. Pose for official pics with Prince George.

2:00 p.m. Plot ways to surpass George in popularity. It might be time for him to have a public scandal.

3:00 p.m. Tummy time. Even royal babies need to learn to crawl.

4:00 p.m. Leave special present in playpen for Royal Housekeeper. She needs to earn her keep somehow.

5:00 p.m. Greet guests for royal dinner at the palace. Uncle Harry stops by, and he totally smells like booze.

7:00 p.m. Sneak off to bed while George stays up and entertains the guest. Oh, the perks of being a spare heir.

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