"Shut the f—k up!"
That was pretty much the phrase of the evening as the ladies of Beverly Hills had it out about some of the biggest, most dramatic moments of the season. We actually kept getting a little confused about what was going on, due to all the bleeps and the fact that every conversation eventually just devolved into Kim Richards, Brandi Glanville, and Lisa Rinna all just shouting the F-word at anyone and everyone.
First things first, Andy Cohen asked Eileen Davidson what it's like to be on TV without a script, which eventually turned into discussing Brandi's infamous wine-throwing after Eileen refused to reenact a Days of Our Lives scene with her.
Brandi started with the sass right off the bat, after Andy asked what Brandi thought of Eileen in person: "I don't really think of her."
As for the wine-toss, Brandi gave no real explanation.
"I guess I just wasn't thinking," she said, and everyone waited for more. "Caught in the moment."
Brandi then managed to flip the conversation from her own insanity to the fact that she disapproves of Eileen and Eileen's relationship with her husband.
"So you're the moral compass of the show?" Eileen asked, and we snickered.
Andy asked Brandi if she would fire any of the other housewives if she could, and "Eileen" was her immediate answer.
"I just don't really feel like she brought anything to the table," she said.
As for what Brandi herself brings to the table, she also had a quick answer for that: "Conflict, I guess." Conflict is right, girl.
The Brandi confrontation continued with Lisa Rinna joining the scuffle to ask about that time Brandi was "just kidding" that Lisa had done porn, and Brandi brought up Lisa calling her a trashy mom. Lisa claimed that remark was only about Brandi's look, and not her actual parenting skills.
"You've had the same hairdo for 20 years and you're basing it on my look?" Brandi shot back, and we had to admit she had at least a little bit of a point.
They traded a few more barbs back and forth ("Go change your Depends because you're so full of s---t") and then Kim and Kyle fought about Brandi for a while, before Andy finally got them to move on to a more important question: Do all of the kids know how to do laundry?
Kyle's daughter does now (sort of) know how to do laundry, and Eileen's kids are magical and have been doing laundry since they were 13. She also lives a simple life and drives a Flex.
"What's that?" Lisa Vanderpump asks.
"A Ford," Eileen says.
"Huh?" says Lisa, and both couches erupt into laughter.
Next up, it's time to discuss Poker Night, when Kim was pretty much out of her mind, and a big argument ensued over who pulled who into the bathroom to talk about how something was wrong with Kim. She explained (again) that she had taken something for pain which she probably shouldn't have taken, but it was definitely not a relapse.
Things then came full circle and landed back at the wine toss, switching back and forth between who everyone was mad at until we couldn't even figure out what was happening. Suddenly, Kim was apologizing to Eileen for calling her a beast, which was nice of her, and then it was time for a Kyle/Kim showdown that brought Kyle to tears.
Kim was upset with Kyle for not defending her more, and kept bringing up other sister Cathy Hilton, who was apparently also upset with Kyle for the same reason. Kyle rightly thought that Kim had been extremely mean to her, and was sad that Kim seemed to be keeping Kyle away from her children.
In the midst of all that, Lisa R. somehow thought that she was involved in this argument. "Is Cathy like God?" she asked before Kim called her an eggbeater.
"An eggbeater? What's an eggbeater?!" Lisa shouted. "Do not shut me down!"
Andy had to calm her down in order to get the focus back on the Richards sisters, who will apparently continue their confrontation next week.
All in all, we feel emotionally drained, and very tired. That somehow simultaneously covered a ton of ground and very little ground at all, and next week looks to be more of the same old stuff.
Of course, we can't wait.
Whose side are you on? Who are you totally tired of? Did you totally love Eileen until she got real snooty tonight? Sound off in the comments!