It was 103 degrees here in Los Angeles during the Emmys on Sunday so it's hard to believe that the first official day of autumn is a mere two days away. So while Amy Schumer was gently and lovingly wiping sweat from Ryan Seacrest's brow, other parts of the country are giddy over the idea of wooly scarves, falling leaves and the pumpkin spice overlords taking over the entire planet.
When it comes to this time of year, people fall into two camps: those who proudly and publicly adore all things autumn and those who mock those people but secretly love those activities just as much as Taylor Swiftdoes.
Don't hide your love! You know you're gonna spend the next couple of months doing stuff like...
1. Plotting fall-themed tablescapes in your mind
You have a secret, hidden Pinterest board that's full of cornucopias and colored corn cobs, don't you?
2. Watching ABC Family's "13 Days of Halloween"
No one can resist when Hocus Pocus is on.
3. Sampling the free hot cider at places like Williams-Sonoma
Well, that's just common sense.
4. Obsessively refreshing Taylor Swift's Instagram to see what she's doing during the fall season
What will she for Halloween? What kind of sweater will she buy Calvin Harris for their cheesy couple photos?! WE NEED ANSWERS.
5. Buying PSLs
Stop calling girls "basic" for ordering them. You get 'em, too. And you probably get a pumpkin muffin, too! We see you.
6. Pumpkin carving
Followed by baking the pumpkin seeds.
7. Apple picking
If you secretly do this and don't want anyone to know, it's a real struggle to keep from posting photos on Instagram because apple orchards are so pretty.
8. Saying that it's "sweater weather"
Even if you live in a place like Los Angeles where it's never actually "sweater weather."
9. Busting out your boots
Knee-length, riding style, Uggs...doesn't matter, you can't wait to wear them.
10. Unpacking your scarves
"Infinity scarves, I missed you so much!" Sometimes you sob while saying this.
11. Checking the Santa countdown site weekly
But don't you dare say the C-word, yet. Don't wake the beasts. They're listening, and as soon as you utter the C-word, the radio stations start playing certain music and certain decorations start filling stores before fall even has a chance.
12. Decorating with gourds
You might mock those who cover their apartments in fall-themed décor, but if someone popped by your house unexpectedly they would find gourds everywhere. Gourd hoarder!
13. Baking/cooking fall-themed food
You can put pumpkin in basically anything and damn it, that's your life mission from now until January.
14. Raking up leaves and putting them in those jack-o'-lantern trash bags
Have you seen those things?! They're so silly! They look like giant jack-o'-lanterns! But before you put the leaves in those bags, you jump in the big pile. You have to. It's a biological urge that everyone is born with.
15. Shopping for Halloween decorations
That spider-shaped piñata and cackling doormat ain't gonna buy themselves.
Happy first day of autumn, everyone! See you in line at Target with a bulk bag of fun-size candy bars.