As they say, "Halloween is the one night a year when a girl can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it." And by "they," we mean Lindsay Lohan in Mean Girls.
Well this year, girls can twerk and no one can say anything about it.
Because Miley Cyrus is among the five most Google-searched Halloween costumes this year. The rest, as determined by Google Shopping data via Market Watch, are:
1. Minion (a character in the Despicable Me animated comedy series)
2. Breaking Bad (one of AMC's hit shows about a meth dealer that ended this year)
3. Fox (likely spurred by Ylvis's "What Does the Fox Say" YouTube video)
4. Duck Dynasty (an A&E show about a family that makes products for duck hunters)
5. Miley Cyrus (a good-girl-turned-bad pop star noted for "twerking" at the Grammys)
First of all, Miley Cyrus did not twerk at the Grammys. Miley Cyrus has not been nominated for a Grammy. Adele would twerk at the Grammys. Or like, Mumford & Sons. Miley twerked at the MTV VMAs.
Secondly, Market Watch notes that "Americans will spend $2.6 billion on Halloween costumes," with $1 billion on children's costumes, $1.2 billion on adult costumes and $330 million on costumes for pets. We won't touch that last one because, whatever, do what you want, but why (how?!) are we spending more money on adult costumes than kids?
This is a holiday for kids. If you're an adult who isn't Heidi Klum, you don't need an elaborate costume. Everyone is going to be drunk anyway. So we've DIYed these five costumes, so you can put that $1.2 billion back in your wallet and make it on the cheap:
5. Miley Cyrus (a good girl-turned-bad pop star noted for "twerking" at the Grammys)
How to make it at home: Wear a bra and panties (we assume you already have those?) or, if you're modest, a bikini; Stick your tongue out an excessive amount; twerk on everyone. Note: Don't bother with the foam finger. One, because they'll probably be sold out by the time you get around to it. And two, because you're going to lose it anyway.
How to make it sexy: Go topless! Or bottomless! Stick your tongue out even more!
4. Duck Dynasty (a show about a family that makes products for duck hunters)
How to make it at home: Grow a beard—you probably should have started by now; wear camo clothing, if you happen to have it, or neutral and earth tones; make those duck noises with your hands (here's a tutorial).
How to make it sexy: Go topless! Go bottomless! Wear your beard and only your beard.
3. Fox (likely spurred by Ylvis's "What Does the Fox Say" YouTube video)
How to make it at home: Those old cat ears you having somewhere in the back of your closet? Pull those out and repurpose them: Paint them brown and white; add face paint as necessary. Sing the song repeatedly.
How to make it sexy: It doesn't matter. If you're singing that song, no one is going to hang out with you anyway.
2. Breaking Bad (an AMC hit show about a meth dealer that ended this year)
How to make it at home: Wear a button-down shirt and tightie whities; wear your glasses; bring along your fake gun and meth...if you...uh...have those at home. (If you do not, a bag of flour can pass as any drug because if someone calls you out for it, reconsider why you're friends with A METH ADDICT!)
How to make it sexy: Have a polarizing opinion on the series finale.
1. Minion (a character in the Despicable Me animated comedy series)
How to make it at home: Paint yourself yellow; wear blue overalls, for authenticity, or alternately, blue jeans; add ski goggles.
How to make it sexy: Please don't be a sexy Minion. We draw the line at Minions.