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Lance Bass

Jim Spellman/WireImage.com

Dear Ted:
Sorry to disagree with you on Lance Bass dancing with a male partner. If he did that, it would automatically put someone in the "male" role and someone in the "female" role. Someone has to lead, and in dance it is the male partner. So wouldn't that also be demeaning to a gay man—to be put in the female role? It's far more confusing than gay marriage, which should be a right, and I hope you don't waste a lot of time being insulted by it.

Dear 1 Step, 2 Step:
In a world full of girlie men like our state's governor, I hardly see why one man couldn't be dipped by another, if only for a dumbass reality job. It's show business, not Rosa Parks and the bus boycott.

Dear Ted:
What's the skinny on the presidential candidates? I'm studying both candidates from all angles. I happen to think what you know is pertinent to understanding their character. Thanks, you're fabulous.

Dear Politically Correct:
Must say I was rootin' for my gal Hillary. We need an effin' Democrat in there, that's what I care about now. And how one looks in a tux, of course, and Obama takes the cake. McCain looks like a burrito in evening wear.

Dear Ted:
Ted, I love your wit, and the new retina-burning format is starting to grow on me. You said there's a Baby Tile—is there another one on the way? Is it Ben Affleck?

Dear Baby Q:
Such the good guess, babes, so right in so many brunet directions, alas, it's the wrong two-timing type.

Dear Ted:
Sure, the yellow may be an eyesore and the format blog-gauche. But I love how it got rid of the sign-in requirement to post a comment, which didn't work half the time and was cramping my style. So I say, onward, progress!

Dear Upward Slope:
We're still working out a few kinks, too; it'll be better than evah soon.

Dear Ted:
I was just wondering what is really going on with Brad and Angelina. Surely they cannot last—they have to get their karma eventually. But are they really happy? Recent photos of Brad do not show it. And are Brad and Jen really communicating? And don't be mean to Jen, even you have to admit Brad is looking worse and unhappy since being with Angelina. He's only happy when he's not around her! Please try and reply. I would appreciate it.

Dear Griping in the Ghetto:
Clearly Angie's doing something right in the bedroom 'cause that dude's hooked on making babies. His fam is what makes him happy, fer sure. But you're right—they won't last. Everyone thinks so. Of course we could be repeating this damning chorus for 50 more years, I just highly doubt it.

Dear Ted:
I'm a bit late in the "new layout reaction" arena (I live under a technological rock—no cable, no Internet, nothing at home), but seriously, what's the fuss about? I like the new layout—so much easier to get through the archives, especially since I don't get to read it every day (damn work!). As for the background, sure the yellow is eye-popping, but then, so are all of those Blind Vices.
—B, San Diego

Dear Quicker on the Uptake:
For someone under a technological rock, ya sure got it faster than most.

Dear Ted:
Are Balthazar Getty and Sienna Miller still hooked up? Last seen, Sienna was holidaying alone.

Dear Miller Right:
There's no such thing as "alone" for skanky Sienna. She'll throw B.G. to the curb faster than he did his wife, trust. As for now, yes they're home-wrecking it up globally.

Dear Ted:
A music review said: "Jessica Simpson—I'm not joking, look out for this one. I heard some of her new album, and I was blown away. Country music is what Jess should have been doing all along. When she sings these songs you feel them..."

Dear Country-Tastic:
Until I hear Carrie Underwood's review, I'm not budgin'.

Dear Ted:
I swear "Zuma" was the name of a vodka drink people used to buy at 7-Eleven when I was in college. Ever heard of it? Maybe that's how Gwen got pregnant!

Dear Zuma-Whatta:
Either that or her hubby's enchanting lyrics. Not a fan, but Gavin's latest one is always in my head.

—Additional reporting by English-screwin' Tayrn Ryder