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Hulk Hogan

Eric Charbonneau/WireImage.com

In a move that has shocked both sports historians and contemporary culture academics, Hulk Hogan will be hosting the new show Hulk Hogan's Celebrity Championship Wrestling on the CMT network. “We thought wrestling simply could not get any faker,” offered UCLA anthropology professor Dr. Darrell Stlin. “But Hulk Hogan has proven us wrong.”

The show will feature 10 celebrity contestants—Dustin "Screech" Diamond, Todd Bridges, heavyweight boxer ButterBean, The Real World’s Trishelle Cannatella and Playboy playmate Nikki Ziering among others—who will be trained by Hogan to compete against each other. “Even calling these people celebrities challenges the traditionally respected boundaries of show-business exaggeration,” Stlin continued. “And the utterly fake notion that they will be ‘competing’ makes the fakeness of Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders: Making the Team seem like a Ken Burns documentary."