They may be far and wide, but the many cities of Canton now have one common comedic thread.
"What does that sucker know about it? He's never been here anyway," said Canton, Texas, City Councilman John Fuller in response to Stephen Colbert's recent assertion that at least Canton, S.D.,—as wretched as it may be—isn't anything like the "incorporated outhouse" that is its Texas namesake.
"I wouldn't live anywhere else. The people here are genuine and friendly," Fuller told the local Tyler Morning Telegraph.
But not into hip, Colbert Report shout-outs, apparently...
It all began when the blustery faux pundit, in trying to tout John McCain's exciting travel schedule while Barack Obama was on a whirlwind tour of Europe, the Middle East and Afghanistan, announced that the GOP candidate was in awesome Canton, Ohio, rather than the "crappy Canton in Georgia."
And he's been playing mea culpa catch-up ever since, passing the "crappy Canton" buck on to Kansas ("a s--thole"), then South Dakota ("North Dakota's dirty ashtray") and then, finally, to Texas (where at least the monkeys are having fun).
"Before you make a statement, you really ought to know what you're talking about," City Manager Andy McCuistion told the Telegraph, adding that Colbert should get a load of the city on one of its First Monday Trade Days.
"That'd be the time he'd need to come down," McCuistion said. "Canton is known worldwide. You can go anywhere in the world, and people will say, 'Canton? Yeah, I know where that is. It's where that big flea market is.'"
But if Fuller spies the bespectacled talk show host...
"If he comes down here, I'll mash his nose," he said jokingly (we think).