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John Edwards, 2008 Summer Olympics Opening Ceremonies

Will Ragozzino/Getty Images, Lars Baron/Bongarts/Getty Images

Friday nights are usually pretty dull in TV land because it’s when we’re supposed to go on dates, drink heavily or see The Dark Knight again. But tonight, for the first time in forever, there is something to entertain the whole family on network television.

Get things started by wowing yourself with the Beijing Olympics’ opening ceremonies on NBC. It’s full of dances, costumes, flying people and bombass fireworks.

After you put the kids to bed, tune in for a very special Nightline on ABC for some more explosions of the political variety. John Edwards will finally give into the National Enquirer and admit he did indeed have an extramarital affair after denying it for months.

Of course, he has a lot of “buts” to go with this disclosure...

Those buts being: “I had an affair…”

  1. But I did not love the other woman.
  2. But I am not the father of her child.
  3. But my wife’s cancer had gone into remission by the time of the affair.

It should all make for a very dramatic evening, and we won't even have to venture to basic cable for Law & Order reruns. The scariest part of the whole thing is we might have to start believing everything the Enquirer prints now.