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Scarlett Johansson, Javier Bardem

Kevin Winter/Getty Images

We checked out the Vicky Cristina Barcelona premiere in Westwood, but we were really there to check out the big-packaged stud of the hour, Javier Bardem. J.B., in a dapper, trim dark suit, had an entire male fan section screaming, “Jav-i-er! Jav-i-er!” All boys begging for an autograph—or more, one assumes. And those were just the men, girlfriends. The Spanish looker surely scored a totally new demo of fans, what with his psycho No Country killer smile. Still, Jav-babe was all aflutter in front of the photos, running away from all the attention.

“This is insane! It’s insane!” he squealed, like a little niño. Welcome to Hell-Ay, dude...and the rest of your life. Now ya know a fraction of what Britney feels. Scary, ain’t it?

Scarlett Johansson, wearing a sophisticated scarlet-hued frock, ‘natch, spoke fondly of her three-time collaborator Woody Allen: “I’ve always been such a huge fan of Woody’s ever since I was a little girl,” she gushed, sounding even more girlie-girl than Bardem. “My parents used to wait in line for an hour every time his films opened...for me it was always, ‘Who do you wanna work with? Well, Woody Allen would be nice.’ It's been a dream come true.” Johansson’s wet dream himself was the only one with less than glowing reviews about the Woodster: “You know me. I’m a whiner, a sourpuss, so when the movie goes on, I’ll probably run out.” That’s how we felt watching The Curse of the Jade Scorpion. So why even show up? “[I attend the premiere] because there’s a myth that it promotes the movie and it gets people to come, which is a myth I don’t buy into. I don’t think my telling people how good the movie is gets a single person in. People go see the movie, and if they like it, they tell their friends, and if they don’t, they tell them not to go. I do it to keep the Weinstein brothers happy.” Jeez, who cares about them, anymore?