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William Bratton, Lindsay Lohan

AP Photo/Albert L. Ortega

Quote of the Week: Hell-Ay’s finest boys in blue are apparently just as bitchy as we gossip mongers. Police Chief William Bratton poo-poo’d probs with the ever-present paparazzi, especially since all of H’wood's bad girls have started cleaning up their acts: “Since Britney started wearing clothes and behaving, Paris is out of town and not bothering anybody anymore, thank God and Lindsay Lohan has gone gay, we don’t seem to have much of an issue.” Apparently these three girls are the only ones stirring trouble for SoCal residents—and god forbid Linds return to her man-eating ways, which, according to Chief W.B., is apparently soaking up taxpayer money.

Rosie O'Donnell, Kelli Carpenter

Ron Galella/WireImage.com

Les Miserables Excuses: Rosie O'Donnell cancelled her upcoming crooning gig at a H’wood Bowl Les Miz concert to take care of her son who reportedly broke his wrist. Funny, our set of eyes on a recent Rosie cruise told us 13-year-old Parker was castless as far as he could tell. Plus, ROD has waved goodbye to blogging for the next month, which is surely a sign of the apocalypse if ever there was one. It’s nearly impossible to shut Rosie D.’s yap for a millisecond and finally she goes overly mom and mum? Maybe there’s more than a wrist that’s broken at the Carpenter-O'Donnell house?

Shave and a Haircut: Samantha Ronson finally ditched her ubiquitous hat and showed off a short half-light/half-dark haircut even more unflattering than her last one. Reminds us of Paris butt-buddy Benji Madden taking off his cap to reveal a bald dome. We know these people are rich—some due more to their photo-friendly counterparts—they can surely afford a salon more stylish than Supercuts.

Talk About Karma: Sharon Stone’s silly sayings about karma aren’t winning the doll any new fans, but we have a feeling she’ll win in court: Gal’s being sued by victims of China’s earthquake for her emotionally damaging words. Wondering what the price tag is for stupidity? One billion bucks—that’s a one with about a billion zeros following it, or may as well be. Are they friggin’ kidding? We thought suing McDonalds for making ya fat was nonsense. Are people taking a loopy-headed actresses’ ridiculous remarks seriously?