Santa Claus, Lindsay Lohan

Richard Lautens/Toronto Star/Zuma; Xposure Photos

As Christmas Eve draws closer and toy-making pressure intensifies within the Santa Claus compound at the North Pole, rumors abound that the latest Lindsay Lohan debacle at the Betty Ford Clinic has left Claus in a difficult position. Soup sources contacted the Yuletide figurehead for comment.

"It boils down to this," the normally jolly Kringle revealed. "Does Lohan's behavior this year warrant a decent toy, or is she getting a lump of coal? I mean, the missed court appearances, the probation violation, the insurance mess over her role in Deep Throat—that was a real disappointment for me—and now this whole Betty Ford deal…I've reviewed this with my top elves, and their takeaway points to the naughty list."

Yet Lohan is not alone in her ranking, admitted the sainted Christmas powerbroker. "Taylor Momsen's on serioulsy thin ice with me, Charlie Sheen's not worth getting chimney scum on my suit, and Kanye's been a champion d-bag in '10. Though I did enjoy My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy."

Claus's final decision in the Lohan case won't be revealed until the morning of December 25th. "She's a repeat offender. Will there be something under the tree? We'll see," he stated. "I can tell you one thing though, she's not getting that fifth of Grey Goose she asked for."

  • Share
  • Tweet
  • Share