World AIDS Day
Last week Kim Kardashian, Khloe Kardashian, Lady Gaga and a whole bunch of other celebrities staged a "digital death" in which they stated they wouldn't tweet again until all their fans raised one million dollars to fight AIDS. Well, this past Monday their goal was reached, and the celebrities are now back from the digital dead.
But if they're back from the digital dead, that can only mean we now have a race of undead digital zombies on our hands. Here to speak with us today about this new world in which we live is a scientist...
Soup Blog: Thanks for being here, scientist. So, Kim, Khloé, Lady Gaga...they're all digital zombies?
Scientist: Yes Soup blog, they are. But unlike non-digital zombies, they don't want your brains or your flesh. Instead, they feast on your attention.
SB: Our attention?
S: Yes. They crave it. Their sole desire in their undead life is to feast on as much of your attention as they can.
SB: That sounds awful. How do they spread the virus? By biting? Because we saw Lady Gaga biting dozens of people outside Chateau Marmont last week.
S: No, that's just how Lady Gaga says hello. The virus is not spread by bite. Rather, the virus is spread visually. Which is to say, if you look at them, watch their shows, read their tweets, or in any way focus your attention on them for any significant amount of time, then you will acquire the virus, too. It may not be immediately active. It may lie dormant in your system. But it's only a matter of time until it takes effect, and you spend your days in a constant attempt to satiate what has now become insatiable: your appetite for attention.
SB: Oh no. Well, we suppose we have the virus, too, then. As do all of our friends. Guess that's why they all have Tumblrs.
S: Yes. Nearly the entire civilized world is now infected. The digital zombie apocalypse is here.
SB: So you have the virus, too?
S: No. I'm immune. I have two glass eyes.
SB: Whoa, did you carve out your real eyes in order to keep yourself from becoming infected?
S: No. I just used to drink a lot.
SB: Oh. Well, is there any cure for this disease?
S: Yes. Death.
SB: You mean digital death? Like we should stop writing every thought that pops into our not especially clever or interesting minds on the Internet or something?
S: No. I mean real death. I'm going to kill you now.
(Scientist pulls out gun)
S: Now, just tell me where you're standing and then don't move for a few seconds.
(The Soup blog runs away)
SB: Sorry, gotta go! We can't wait to blog and tweet about this conversation. Hope we get a lot of followers!