If there was such a thing as death from overstimulation, then we would like the "Britney/Brittany" episode of Glee to be the final nail in our coffin. So much to look at! So so much choreography to practice by ourselves later in our bedrooms!
All those dance numbers and the appearance of Matthew Morrison in a fancy hat may have prevented you from soaking up every bit of Britney Spears goodness. So we're breaking down what we learned, what lies ahead, and what Britney herself has to say about tonight's episode...
WHAT WE LEARNED
Britney Loved It: On her Twitter page tonight, the real Britney Spears sang Heather Morris' praises, saying "Awww Heather Morris is so cute! Brittany S. Pearce. Ha! She was so fun to work with and was really sweet in person." Another vital stat we learned about Brittany (aside from her hilarious full name): She has never brushed her teeth but rather rinsed with Dr. Pepper after every meal because "I thought he was a real doctor." If you're worried that the same-sex kiss we've been promised with Santana and Brittany just get a little less hot, fear not...
Heather Morris Is a Dance/Sex Goddess: OK, we already knew that. So, label this as "what we already know and now know harder." When Ryan Murphy said this episode was a celebration of Heather, he wasn't kidding. She killed in those Britney Spears hallucinations, which must have been studied by certified B.Spears experts, because those videos were pretty much frame by frame of the originals. Britney herself said on Twitter: "The Me Against the Music set looks just like the original. Santana does a great Madonna impression." It. Was. Hot.
Matthew Morrison Can Move: Hmmm, we already knew that one, too. But it simply must be noted that with the hat and slick sliding across the stage, M.M. looked very Justin Timberlake-esque. Which of course prompted shouts from Lauren Zizes: "I wanna be that hat!" "Mr. Schue, let me be your Britney!" and "Mr. Schue, I want your babies!" If we were in the crowd, we also would've added: "I'll be the Britney to your K-Fed, but in a less gross way and without trucker hats!" Too long?
We Hate Emma: Oh, you poor thing! How ever must it suck to be fought over by a hot dentist and a hot teacher. Psh. We are salivating over the duet battles John Stamos and Matt Morrison will most likely have later in the season. Wemma fans must have also had a fist-shaking fit with not only Will's heartache over Carl, but the reappearance of Terri, aka "Crazy Cornflakes." Do the Will-Emma fans have faith? Or should we let Emma and Carl have a fighting chance?
Jacob Ben Israel Reached New Levels of Creepiness: The image of his butt sweat stain on Sue's chair will haunt us for the rest of our lives. And his behavior during the "Toxic" performance? So wrong on every level that has ever existed.
Coach Beiste Has a Heart: After seeing some bullies pick on Artie and Finn, she put both of them on the team. Finn is back as quarterback, and Artie is…the official battering ram? Later on in the episode, Finn claims he checked the rules and they aren't breaking any. We guess we will be seeing Artie in action on the field. And he was lifting weights, so here's hoping he beefs up and beefs up quick.
Finchel Fans FTW! It was like shipper's porn in this episode. Finn and Rachel reached new levels of adorableness, especially with the last shot of Finn walking away from Brittany and Santana to go hold hands with his girl. That, set to the tune of Lea Michele crooning Paramore's "Only Exception" made for some serious goosebumps. Also, what to make of Rachel asking Quinn to test Finn? Probably a little unhealthy, and was it just us, or did Quinn look less than pleased about Finn turning her down? Even though there were lots of moments to "Awwww!" about, the issues between Finchel were not exactly easy to ignore. We foresee more bumps in the road ahead for these two. But we have to admit, this was too precious for words:
Finn: "I'm gonna throw a touchdown in our first game and point to you in the stands, so everyone in the school knows you're my girlfriend."
Sue's Absence Was Hella Noticeable: We didn't see our Cheerios coach until nearly halfway through the episode! We know this was Brittany-centric, but we start to shake if we don't get our weekly Jane Lynch fix. Still, all was right as we were blasted with many Sue quips, including one of our favorites: "You wear more vests than the cast of Blossom."
Britney Spears Is Best When Playing Herself: We love that she didn't pop in as a hall monitor or as the creepy night janitor. She was just herself, kickin' it in the hallucinations and hanging out in a Cheerio's uniform. Thanks for the tunes, Brit.
Kurt Is Right! He didn't get one musical number? What the crap? He was the one pushing for Britney Spears the entire episode. We know it'll get fixed next week when Glee tackles religion. Which leads us to…
WHAT LIES AHEAD
We first reported Gwyneth Paltrow will be guesting on Glee as a love interest for Will, and Fox has now officially confirmed it. Gwyneth will play a substitute teacher for at least two episodes, airing in November. Expect at least three or four songs from her. And news flash: Girlfriend can sing!
Wondering when John Stamos will have his spotlight? He told us recently he was "dancing all day...on Glee. I had to slide, so I was on my knees the whole time." And that was for the Rocky Horror tribute, which is set to air around Halloween. Word is, he'll have more than his fair share of singing and dancing in that episode.
Most importantly, the promo for next week's "Grilled Cheesus" looks like it will be an emotional slaughter. And Kristin will be talking to Ryan Murphy tomorrow (Wednesday) about the episode, so leave all your post-Britney, pre-Cheesus questions in the comments below.
What did you think of Glee's ode to the princess of pop? Which Brittany quote made you do a spit take? And please, for the sake of sex riots, try not to go around singing the numbers too loudly for the rest of the week.
Gleek out! All the scoop is right here.