Bitch-Back! Is Ian Somerhalder Acting Up?

Readers wonder who the Vampire Diaries diva is

Dear Ted:
A few days ago you said there's a diva on the set of the Vampire Diaries—tell me it ain't Ian. I found him adorable and sweet (no need to say incredibly hot!) He cares about the environment and he loves animals as much as we do! Besides, he wouldn't have problems with photographers at parties, he's been taking lots of pictures and he doesn't look annoyed in any of them. Tell me it ain't Ian, please
—Mariana

Dear Say It Ain't So:
Our Vamp Diaries diva has kind of become a Bitch-Back Blind Vice of sorts, huh? But rest assured, it's not Ian. Gotta say, kudos to this show for having such dedicated fans—you think it could rival the Twi­ phenomenon? Probably not, but those vamps sure do get people riled up!

Dear Ted:
I was absolutely delighted to hear today's confirmation that our girl Sandy will be on hand to receive her MTV Movie Award. Now I've loved her for some time, and think she deserves the best. Could you give just a small clue as to what her B.V. is?
—J

Dear All-American Detective:
No, no and no! Sandy's had enough trouble lately, not gonna stir up the naughtiness any more with her right now—her schmuck ex has done plenty of that for now. Check back in a few months, 'kay?

Dear Ted:
Just two Robsten questions. One, why was Michael Angarano never interviewed about Rob and Kristen? I mean, I think she told him that Rob was the reason she left him. Second. What was the deal with Rob and Nikki, was it serious? Was she more into him than he? When did it happen exactly? BTW proud mama of a rescue dog called Scottie.
—Y

Dear Zipped Lips:
M.A. and Kristen aren't on hateful ex terms, so there's no reason for him to trash to Twi duo. Pretty mature of the dude, wouldn't you say? He'd sure get a ton of press. As for N.R. and R.Pattz, things definitely heated up—but then became ice cold real quick.

Dear Ted:
I thought if anyone knew the real deal between Joe Jonas and Demi Lovatos split, it would be you! Why did those two adorable kids split? P.S. Notice the no-so-subtle sucking up?
—Emma

Dear Disney Dunzo:
Let's just say I'm pretty sure neither of the kiddos is too broken up about the breakup. And yes!

Dear Ted:
I get all weak in my knees thinking about Johnny Depp and Hugh Jackman and obviously I'm not alone...I can not choose between them. Who would you spend a fantastic dinner and a seriously hot night with? I am leaning towards Hugh, I mean, look at that picture you posted of him! OMG. it's incredible! But as soon as I let my eyes wonder towards J.D's picture, my mind gets all screwed up and I get giggly, it's ridiculous. No, I'll go with Hugh. Or Johnny...No, it'll be Hugh, for sure...I think...Ahh! Anyways, we all loved the competition "Last Real Man In Hollywood". Keep 'em coming honeybun, love your work.
—Sugarsnap

Dear Sugarsnapped:
Calm down, babe, they're just men, after all! Unlike you and most other readers, I would not have chosen either Hugh or Johnny for ultimate real-man-ness company. My druthers for dinner and one night of company? Certainly not an actor, for starters. Trouble!

Dear Ted:
Does Seymour Plow-Me-More's significant other have a few crazy secrets of her own that we need to air out?
—MK

Dear Dirty Laundry:
She's married to Seymour friggin Plow-Me-More, of course she's got some secrets! Like kinda girlie ones.

Dear Ted:
With the shomance over, I am very curious what Reese will do this weekend to get photographed? With all the Prince of Persia hype this week, I am surprised that Reese isn't being "spotted" all over the place or maybe floating a rumor of engagement.
—CJ

Dear Paparazzi Hot Spot:
The weekend is still young, CJ—there's plenty of time for Reese to decide to do a last-minute shopping spree on Rodeo, new BF in tow, obviously. That's so Reese's way, after all.

Dear Ted:
In the last Me-Me Dallas BV you mentioned she had done some fooling around with Tobey Yum-Yum when she had a boyfriend, guessing this wasn't her recent flame as you have pointed out Mr. Yum-Yum has fled due to her antics. Therefore were Tobey and Me-Me just a meaningless fling? And more about Tobey, has he found another more caged Me-Me to place on his arm?
—N

Dear No and No:
Don't break my heart—M2 and Tobs were so much more than a fling. And there is no replacing Me-Me, obviously. As much as Tobey may try.

Dear Ted:
Any house of mouse goss? Selena Gomez and Kevin Jonas seem like the only ones in that group who don't have some secrets up their sleeves. Nick Jonas, Joe Jonas, Demi Lovato, and Miley Cyrus on the other hand seem like they all have some stuff up their sleeves that will make their E! True Hollywood Stories ten years from now very interesting. And will have me shaking my head saying "I knew it!" Am I spot on or am I spot on?
—Lindsay

Dear Secret Squad:
You're definitely right on that Disney kids are the best at keeping their naughty antics under wraps, but you're not so spot on when it comes to which of the bunch are the worst. It might surprise you.

Dear Ted:
Love the column. I'm not a pet rescuer as I'm not allowed one in the building, but I am a proud Auntie to Cookie, a rescue kitten. Got a quick question about my fellow Brit Daniel Craig. Has Mr. Bond ever been a BV? And what are your thoughts on an article I read recently that claimed he was spotted getting frisky with a man recently? Keep up the good work!
—Loulou

Dear to Rush Limbaugh With Love:
Oh, that this were the beginning of James Bond getting out and proud, though I doubt that's highly true. But, wouldn't that be a great kick in the fat ass to America's puritanical set?

Dear Ted:
Fox has it out there today that our beloved Pattz is schmoozing Reese and telling everyone onset that K.Stew is not coming to visit and that he is single. really? I'd like to know if you've got a "deep water" to tell you otherwise.
—Me in NY

Dear Another Day:
Another stupid Robsten rumor.

Dear Ted:
What are the most hilariously inaccurate BV guesses you've gotten?
—P

Dear No Stupid Questions:
Hillary Clinton as Toothy Tile?