Blind Vice

Oh, Crescent Kumquat, what a tangled romantic life you lead:

First you start kissing boys, then you graduate to secretly hooking up with them online, and now you've decided you gotta sleep with a big-mouthed (female) publicist, just to make sure word gets around that you're into girls.

Hmm. What a sneaky boy you are.

Yeah, but that craftiness between the sheets sure does come with a big ol' problem, doesn't?

Yeah, like a nasty STD you picked up from the blabbering PR rep!

Yes, yes, yes, of course, the chick you boned talked about the fact that you slept with her, just like you wanted. But, she also gave you another little bonus present: herpes. And guess how the babe you scored with found out she got the unfortunate disease in the first place?

Another bisexual star (who's famous for hanging with a gay-loving chick, just for the publicity, as well) also slept with this same rep—and she bitched him out when she found out. And now Crescent's super peeved she passed it onto him without so much as a, "you might want to throw a rubber on that not exactly long but nicely wide equipment of yours."

Jeez, what a friggin' six-degrees of penicillin this baby is.

Pretty high price to pay just to get talked about in the rags as a red-blooded, honey-bedding stud, huh? I'll say.

Oh, and for the record, Crescent, since I hear you're back online hunting for boys again, tell me something: do you also advertise that you're one-night encounters come fully equipped with the gift that keeps on giving?

Just curious.

Aint it Ain't: Ryan Kwanten, Kiefer Sutherland, John Mayer


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