Martina Monica Tolot/The CW
Martina Monica Tolot/The CW
As Angelea would say, here's some drama for your ass.
Wednesday's two-hour America's Next Top Model finale began with Angelea, Krista, Raina and Alexandra competing for the title and the career-boost care package that comes along with it.
But of course, before any runway could be walked or CoverGirl commercial shot, that foursome had to be halved to a duo. And Tyra Banks and her coterie of judges (shout-out to season-saver André Leon Talley!) made sure that the last two posers standing were as different in look and personality as could be.
In the end, stick-thin Krista White, whose photo was tops three weeks in a row, beat out the "second coming of Brooke Shields," Raina Hein, to be named America's Next Top Model.
Brian Edwards/Pottle Productions Inc
Because we didn't see that coming when "Miss" J. Alexander compared Raina's walk to a linebacker's, Krista won the earlier runway challenge (and $3,000 worth of jewelry), and the final challenge was a runway show.
Actually, Raina did fine at Anna Sui's rock-and-roll-circus-themed spring 2010 show, but Krista's win seemed set in stone from way back, didn't it?
ALT said during tonight's first elimination round that there was "very little dreckitude in everything she's done" and he considered her ugly-pretty photo "a masterpiece."
So there you have it!
Raina did had a shot to inch past the steamrollin' Krista during the CoverGirl shoot, which involved both a print ad and TV commercial (no tricky New Zealand lingo this time), but both struggled.
Krista passed on cue cards at first and struggled through take after take until finally accepting the help after her seventh try. Raina was better with the lines but had trouble remembering and modeling at the same time.
Then it was on to the Seventeen cover shoot with Nigel Barker. Raina, who at 18 is seven years younger than Krista, thought that she might have the upper hand because she was more "young and fresh." But they both rocked it, Krista sporting a long ponytail and bangs, which softened her appropriately for the tween-favorite magazine.
And then both ladies had a strong showing on the real runway, but the praise directed at Raina was only so much lip-service in the face of the inevitable outcome.
"I can't believe it's me! Twelve cycles I tried out, and it's me!" exclaimed Krista when Tyra announced the winner, calling Krista "the embodiment of America's Next Top Model."
Raina, meanwhile, kept things positive, saying that she felt too happy to cry or be sad.
"I learned so much," she said, "and I've become a model!"
There's one person, however, who didn't care less about who ultimately won representation from Wilhelmina Models, the $100,000 CoverGirl contract and the six-page spread and cover of Seventeen.
"I know America loves me," the endlessly self-promoting Angelea said after being eliminated. "Even though I'm not in the final two, I'm still America's Next Top Model, I don't care."
"I'm still that bitch," she said.