We've all watched with fascination as Dancing With the Stars judge Len Goodman has gone from stern to flirtatious, and now he unleashes a special touch of Brit boy's boarding school kink on unsuspecting hoofer Evan Lysacek.

Of course, it was that twisted, tyrannical monarchy that inspired folks like Ben Franklin to jump ship to North America, which is a cheap segue into Cyndi Lauper's inspired Ben rant on Celebrity Apprentice. She has a point: the grand statesman is known for discovering electricity and inventing bifocals, but bathtubs?

And then there's The Hills' Spencer Pratt, who's finally crossed the fine line between self-absorbed d-bag to self-absorbed d-bag wingnut. He's now attempting to calm himself by cradling a hunk of crystal to his head. Though, judging by wife Heidi's new chest, he's probably accustomed to nuzzling objects with the density of rock.

There are even more tasty morsels headed your way as Joel McHale scoops up a fresh batch of Soup at 10 p.m. ET/PT. Be there!