Bitch-Back! Nicole or Tom—Who's the Nuttier Case?

Readers wonder whether Nicole Kidman or Tom Cruise has more issues

By Ted Casablanca May 04, 2010 11:40 AMTags
Tom Cruise, Nicole KidmanALFREDO ESTRELLA/AFP/Getty Images; Jason Kempin/Getty Images

Dear Ted:
How did Nicole Kidman go from one of the most stunning women in Hollywood to a desperate housewife? Have you see what she's been wearing lately? While other women at award shows wear gowns, she wears a micromini that screamed "Look at Me. Please!" Enough is enough. I'm beginning to think that Tom Cruise is the sane member of that former couple.
—DR

Dear All in the Family:
Both N.K. and Tom have plenty of issues (or Vices...as it may be), but they differ in how they handle them. Between Tom's Scientology and whatever the heck Nicole is doing to that forehead, you know they've got plenty o' stuff to deal with, not the least of which involves still moving on from each other.

Dear Ted:
I know Taylor Momsen gets a lot of crap about her appearance and her attitude, but that girl is really talented! And I'm not talking about her acting. She is an amazing singer. I think she should put singing on the top of her career priorities, because she's way better at it than she is at acting. Please, go listen to her song "Make Me Wanna Die" you will die!
—Lulu

Dear Gossip Groupie:
As much as it pains me to say, I don't hate the song—but the Goss girlie? Let's just say I wouldn't be opposed to her starting a music career. At least then we'd hear her more than see her.

Dear Ted:
Please tell me Ian Somerhalder is not Buck Me-Good.
—Angie

Dear Bucking Bro:
Ian ain't the diva dude, Angie—happy? Think less smoldering.

Dear Ted:
So Paris Hilton is back in the spotlight, can I get a hint as to what her Blind Vice is?
—Doli

Dear Socialite:
It's predictable, pretty '80s, actually.

Dear Ted:
Why do you always act like Jensen and Jared are the only two sexy people on Supernatural? I'd take Mischa Collins over them any day of the week. Not only is he funny as hell, he seems to have his stuff together.
—Chrystal

Dear Beware:
Pretty brave of you to diss the Supernatural bros, Chrystal, but I've got to agree, Mischa is easy on the eyes. Plus, the dude seems supersmart—he worked in politics, after all (so does that mean he's also good at hiding stuff?).

Dear Ted:
With a No. 1 album or two under his belt I am very much curious about Michael Buble. While he seems popular, you don't see so much written about him. I've seen that he does attempt to shake the crooner image now and again and admits he is not squeaky clean (saying he can be a bad boy). But I still feel that there is a lot more in his closet just waiting to come out! I know I may be the only one out there that is curious, but he is a "star" (not to mention hot!), yet he is never in any of the gossip mags and rarely pictured by the paps. Emily Blunt must have kicked his ass to the curb for one reason or another?
—Emma

Dear Burst Your Buble:
The soulful singer must not want to be seen as too big of a bad boy, because he keeps whatever dirty laundry he has hidden pretty well. Plus, the paps are more preoccupied with catching the starlets running around Hollywood than this laid-back bluesy fellow. But remember, he is a singer. With maybe the possible exception of Josh Grobin, always means skank alert!

Dear Ted:
I found it really interesting that the first Twi hetero that came to your mind was Billy Burke and not litter-of-kiddies-having Peter Facinelli. Anything you've been dying to tell us or Jennie?
—Leigh

Dear Silver Bullet:
I've got to spread out my revelations of the Twi heteros, right? Don't want to give them all away at once.

Dear Ted:
I was disappointed to hear Zachary Quinto hasn't been a B.V.—but not for the reason you'd think! See, the image he projects is, well, let's just say not very positive, but that B.V. I believed was him made me pause and think he might have some commendable qualities, self-important aura or not. So tell me, is Quinto one of chosen few nice(ish), down-to-earth people in the Biz or not?
—Reasonable Doubt

Dear Down-to-Earth:
Seems like you know a lot about Quinto—and although he's not a B.V. yet, who's to say he won't be one in the future? Tell all, sweetheart!

Dear Ted:
Has anyone accurately guessed Moisty's identity? You said it wasn't Jimmy Fallon in a BB a while ago, but could it be Jon Stewart or Stephen Colbert? They are both married, attractive—cough—and funny. They seem to have confidence in their career and themselves so I can't see them downgrading themselves to a random hook-up to prove they can get tail, but you never know right? It is Hollywood, after all.
—D

Dear Slippery When Wet:
Nope, M2 remains a mystery. And let me just say you're still guessing far too attractive. Like, lots.

Dear Ted:
How are Fergie and Josh Duhamel doing? She always looks sad or forcefully smiling. Maybe I'm reading this wrong because of the whole scandal, and she seems to be the only woman staying with her man after cheating allegations—and she looks miserable. I'm seriously worried about her.
—L

Dear Lady Problems:
Don't worry too much about the babe—sure, she's got some drama in her personal life (well...maybe more than some), but who the heck doesn't? Ferg is a strong-willed gal who know how to stand up for herself. I wouldn't want to mess with her. Hear that, Josh?

Dear Ted:
In your Bitch-Back! responses today you mentioned Oprah as someone you admire. I admire her, too, but have to admit her putting Rielle Hunter on her show recently makes me lose respect for her. Rielle Hunter is indeed a homewrecker and a media whore. Why would Oprah slap Elizabeth Edwards in the face by allowing this woman any air time? Rielle Hunter needs to crawl back under the rock she shared with John Edwards and shut the heck up!
—KS

Dear Politics:
Oprah's show is great because she mixes the fluff with investigative stories. And let's be honest, Rielle Hunter falls into both categories. But I'm with you—hopefully now that R.H. has had her say, she can disappear forever...and leave the Edwards clan to try to make peace. And I'm straight....

Dear Ted:
You recently posted that Brad is head-over-heels with Angie. He is under her spell and she is the one. I find this really hard to believe. If Brad is with the woman he wants to be with, then, why does he look like hell? I mean the man looks like he's aged 20 years since he's been with her. As a matter of fact Angie looks like crap, too. If this is what love looks like then I say thanks but no thanks. I'd rather be single and gorgeous like Jennifer!
—Koby

Dear Looks:
Brad's let himself go because he already has everything he wants—no need to groom when he's snagged his dream gal. And as for Angie, she's got that whole mystery diet going on for her...

Dear Ted:
Has Oprah ever been a Blind Vice?
—Snoop

Dear Steadman:
O, yes.

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