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Oh, for the days when the worst scrape Greg Brady had to contend with was that time his brother broke a vase while playing basketball in the house.
Sadly, the problems Barry Williams now faces are a little less family-friendly. And how.
The erstwhile sitcom star has obtained a temporary restraining order against his live-in girlfriend of three years, Elizabeth Kennedy, claiming the 30-year-old is an "extremely unstable" manic depressive who has both "made threats to kill herself in the past and to harm me when she becomes depressed."
If the threat of a suicide-murder wasn't enough, Williams claims Kennedy secretly withdrew $29,000 from his bank account after unearthing PIN, and also accused him of having an affair with a costar—after which she attempted to pull a knife on the actor.
Williams is seeking to ban his soon-to-be ex (soon-to-be because by the sounds of his court documents, he has yet to tell her it's over) from all manner of contact.
"On Aug. 20, 2009, she was extremely upset about losing a beauty contest and threatened to kill herself," states the order, issued last Thursday. "She said she would kill me along with herself."
First thing's first, however: He wants her to hand over the keys to their shared Marina Del Ray pad, then be prevented from coming within 100 yards of his home, car or workplace.
As for why he's letting the courts do his dumping for him…
"I know that she will definitely try to harm me once she is aware that our relationship is now over because of my discovery of her $29,000 theft from my bank accounts and credit cards," he wrote.
"I know that if she is given notice she will destroy all of my belongings, she will rage against me and hit me, she will use my instrument in the apartment as a weapon against me as she has demonstrated her will and capability in the past."
He might want to think about banning her from throwing footballs while he's at it. Particularly around his sister's nose.
The first hearing on the matter is set to take place in Santa Monica Superior Court on Jan. 4.
Hey, did you hear the Golden Globes were announced this morning? Cause they were.