Bitch-Back! Gyllenspoon Back Together?

Readers are wondering if Reese and Jake are making it work

Dear Ted:
What is really going on with the Jake Gyllenhaal and Reese Witherspoon's fauxmance? Was the breakup staged? The same week they were promoting a movie/dvds/products just temporary to gain convenient publicity or is it permanent? Will they resurface married, or are we free of ever having to see their boring tricks again? Nothing can surprise me about this manufactured showmance at this point, but I hope it ends soon.
—Mika

Dear Rekindled Loves:
I'm just as curious as you, babe. And what makes you so certain it's totally fake, anyway? Reese and Jake both get a lot out of their relaysh, so it would surprise me if this was it for them.

Dear Ted:
Greetings from a wintry London. All the fuss about Tiger Woods got me thinking about Blighty's most popular and high-profile sportsman—a man well known in the States. He has had mistress problems in the past, but he seems to have turned over a new leaf in the past few years. Except I don't believe a leopard changes his spots that easily. How does he keep his more recent conquests from going to the press, confidentiality agreements maybe?
—Loulou

Dear Outta the Woods:
Recent conquests from going to the press? Girl, they're all comin' out! It seems like each day we get news of another ho bag he's been with...think it's up to 13, just for now!

Dear Ted:
Speaking of New Moon parodies, I can't decide what's funnier, the mixing bowl in the sink, or the "Volturi." Enjoy!
—Adwryan 

Dear Funny?
Someone's got a lot of time on their hands, that's for sure!

Dear Ted:
Used to love your site—but lately it's getting pretty boring. Before I start reading I know what you'll write—something about how delicious Robert Pattinson is, how hot Angelina Jolie is, how in lurve Brad Pitt is, how desperate and lonely Jennifer Aniston is, how mean Jennifer Garner is and how the rest of the celebs out there just shouldn't be celebs. Are you afraid of lawsuits or something? This new side of you is crap—a monkey could seriously write it better. Give us the old Ted with a sting back! All huggies.
—Jannicke 

Dear Psychic Writer:
For someone who's bored I appreciate you taking the time to write in and get to know the site so well. Not to mention sending all those darling huggies. Uh, who do you think we should be covering? Tom Hanks? Kristin Cavallari? Rumer Willis? Those are bores, darling. If you've got better, I'm all ears! Or eyes, I guess.

Dear Ted:
Yesterday on Ellen DeGeneres' show, Marie Osmond admitted that one of her daughters is gay and she is supportive and loves her. I know you've had issues with Marie in the past because she's Mormon, but from this she seems much more open-minded. Do you agree?
—Bmustang 

Dear Cool Mormon:
Wondering if she said that just to seem like she's OK with it, especially since she was on Ellen's show. Read between the lines, dear! Right after you stop using the word "admitted" in regards to being gay. It's really too much and way boring at this point.

Dear Ted:
I saw a magazine with Kristen Stewart and Rob confessing that they will love each other forever and that they would like to have a baby to seal their love. According to the article, they are spending Christmas together in an English cottage, and then I read that it was all bull. What's up with that?
—Mirisue 

Dear Confused Reader:
What the ef are you reading? Figure out some true sources before you get freaked out. Stick with The A.T., hon.

Dear Ted:
I think you need to provide a 101 course for those who just don't get it, and after reading today's B.B., they don't because they just keep asking the same questions over and over again. The course would include: 1. How to read. 2. How to read carefully. 3. Reading comprehension. 4. How to discern what is truth and what are lies. 5. Who usually lies and who pretty much tells it like it is. 6. Why one should believe only half of what is written and then half of that. 7. Are you sure you want to ask that? I'm sure you could add some more, but what do you think? This could be fun, and I know you like fun.
—Kriszo 

Dear Gossip Report Card:
Interesting. But in the time I'm teaching, what if Robsten breathes and I miss it?!

Dear Ted:
After seeing the Edward-Bella post-Italy scenes in New Moon so chopped up and short, I'm very nervous about Eclipse. With all the talk about the dark and action aspects, I'm afraid the E.-B. romance will be overshadowed. Since Eclipse is still in postproduction, any suggestions on how we let the powers that be know that we want our E.-B. scenes (all of them) to be given the screentime they deserve?
—Catmom

Dear Demanding Love:
I'm with ya. There will be no shortage of Edward; Summit knows who half of these people come to see. But there wasn't that much lovey-dovey stuff in Eclipse was there?

Dear Ted:
I have another guess for Judas Jack-Off and Dashed Dingle-Dream: Jared Leto and Colin Farrell. Warm or ice-cold? Also, I'd like to know if the gorgeous and camera-shy Gale Harold has already been the subject of one of your Blind Vices.
—A

Dear Throwin' Out Names:
Jared and Colin: cold. It's no secret that Colin loves the ladies. And Jared is too douchey. As for Gale, never. He's really not an operator, which is sort of required to be a Blind Vice alum. 

Dear Ted:
So how bad did Jen Garner burn Michael Vartan? Did she start something with Ben Affleck before they were even over? (Kinda like she did with Scott Foley, yes?)
—Kristy

Dear Cheatin':
Bad. 

Dear Ted:
Just throwing some ideas around in my head and wondered if Mario Lopez is JJO. The guy sure comes off as douchey enough to me.
—Sarah

Dear Nooo:
Judas is definitely not as grossly buff as Lopez. 

Dear Ted:
Now there is an R.Pattz costar curse, I read that somewhere. They say that every costar he has worked with has ended up with a broken relationship—Kristen Stewart, Emilie de Ravin and Uma Thurman. I think it's pretty hilarious. I don't even know what to make of it. What story do you think is next?
—Oreo

Dear Cursed Lover:
The ladies just have to be single around our boy Robby! EDR broke up with her boy pre-Rob. Hmmm, guess Uma did too. But Kristen broke up in the middle of Rob. Curse broken!