Oh, hons, we sure do have one über-embarrassing (and quite smelly) Blind Vice! Plus, we check in on couples new and old at the Sidekick soiree—since when did Shia LaBeouf become such a friggin' skirt chaser? Oh, and Arnold may be moving, hoo-ray!
Travis Barker, Shanna Moakler

Chris Weeks/WirEImage.com

Textually active celebs such as Carmen Electra and Jeremy Piven hit the Sidekick LX Launch Wednesday night. Shanna Moakler and Travis Barker worked the pink carpet, hand in hand (rather Jake Gyllenhaal and Austin Nichols-esque, too divine!) and told us they’ve both dumped someone—presumably each other—via text messaging.

“We broke up, like, every other day on text!” they both laughed in unison, after we inquired if they’d ever done the dirty deed by pushing buttons, both emotional and otherwise. But Shanna’s now insisting their love life is solid. “I married him for life,” she swore. (Um, is this is the same gal who threw herself a divorce party in Vegas talking?) “I’m not letting him go anywhere!”

Paris Hilton

Jeff Vespa/WireImage.com

S is, however, more than happy to let her former Hyde smackdown partner, Paris Hilton, head out of the country. “I don’t think about her very much,” Shanna said, when we asked for her thoughts on Paris’ purported trip to Rwanda. “She also said she wanted to have children, too, and that’s pretty frightening as well.”

Look who’s dissing.

Shia LaBeouf

Jeff Vespa/WireImage.com

Inside the shindig, held at a Griffith Park country club, a camera-shy and scruffy Spielberg darling Shia LaBeouf was hitting on every honey in sight—with little success, oddly enough. First, he chatted up two blond babes and tried to convince them he had ESP. His bizarre behavior continued when he suddenly grabbed Andrea Bowen’s bare leg. “I thought you had something on your leg,” he offered, lamely, when she whirled around to see who had copped a feel.

Rihanna

James Devaney/WireImage.com

Andrea didn’t look too impressed with Shia’s salaciously loopy business. “I know you!” he explained (even more lamely), before running off to find some other fresh femme clay to man-mold, presumably. Why so desperate, Shi? Could his skirt-chasing antics have anything to do with the reports that his honey Rihanna was making out with Josh Hartnett in New York?

We doubt it. Come on, since when is Josh H cutie competition?

Jenna Jameson

Jerome Ware/ZUMApress.com

Desperate to get her drink on was Jenna Jameson, who arrived with designer Richie Rich and some g-friends. “Whatever’s the strongest!” she was overheard telling the bartender, who asked which Malibu rum cocktail she preferred. Someone needs to tell this skinny chick she needs to eat, not drink, her calories. Who does she think she is, the new Nicole?
Kanye West

Kevin Mazur/WireImage.com

Kanye West took the stage at 11:30, an hour later than he was supposed to go on, but everybody knows this political screamer’s such the diva, and that’s just one reason why we heart him so. Besides, T-Mobile musta paid the rappin’ dude big bucks, because he tore up hit after friggin’ hit for the packed house. Wilmer Valderrama and Laura Prepon shared a table front and center and looked suspiciously cozy during Kanye’s entire gig. The two That '70s Show stars were über-touchy-feely throughout the night and had fellow partyers wondering if the former castmates are more than just amigos. Kissing costars, perhaps?

Or just lonely hearts hangin’ tight?

Angelina Jolie, Wanted

James Devaney/WireImage.com

And as long as Shia, above, has us all touchy-feely hot-and-bothered, did you all notice a recent article published in the Sydney Herald about corruption in the United Nations? The piece reports that the former UN High Commissioner groped Goodwill Ambassador Angelina Jolie. According to the Herald, Ruud Lubbers grabbed Angie from behind in a Geneva elevator, way back in 2001, which is weird, really. 'Cause wasn’t that back in the era when A.J. was wearing blood around her neck and tonguing her brother? Who wants to have a piece of that?

Regardless, Camp Jolie chose not to comment on the reported rub, but it’s most curious that this is the very same guy who wrote the forward to Ange’s book, Notes from My Travels.

Indeed, if the alleged grope did actually happen, why would Miz Jay invite him to work on her book? And if it didn’t happen and they’re friendly, then shouldn’t Angelina have publicly denied that he copped a feel? Her peeps didn’t comment when it went down in 2001, and they also said nada when contacted for the recent Herald story.

Was there a scandal swept right under the rug in the UN, just like in the White House? Who knew?

Or is it just that Angie-babe is so used to men fretting over her (once sumptuous, now practically disappeared) curves, A.J. considers it part of the Mother Teresa/scarlet-woman thang she’s got goin’ on? Just asking.
Arnold Schwarzenegger

Gregg DeGuire/WireImage.com

Such good news. We hear through our more cash-equipped East Coast snoops that Ah-nuld—otherwise known as the California governor who thinks gays are only good enough to coif his saggy ass but not worthy of the right to get hitched, among other myriad basic legal equalities—is purchasing property in Hyannis Port, Massachusetts, with the delicious caveat of planning on relocating there more permanently, in the future. Halle-friggin’-lujah.
George Clooney

Mark Sullivan/WireImage.com

I know George Clooney and Warren Beatty and so many other vociferous, politically acute Californians will be so sad to see the not so little s--t go.

But the question remains: Is this potential move so that A.S. can be closer to the infamous Massachusetts dynasty he sperma-weasled himself into, or is the Austrian-born muscle daddy merely looking for a more Washington-aligned address from which to further his higher-office aspirations?

We knew this one was too good to be true.

Blind Vice: Version 2

E! Networks/Comcast Entertainment Group

Babes, this one you sure don't want to read without stapling your schnozzes shut—and, trust, that process wouldn't be nearly as painful (or embarrassing) as what Sha-Sha Shimmy went through when her sphincter had a little snafu. Oh, olfactory horrors, it's Blind Vice Friday!
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