Ask the Answer B!tch
She's here to help
Could Dirty Details of My Sex Life End Up on CSI?
CBS
The CSI creators are being sued by two people who were used as models for characters on a episode. Aren't these kinds of shows "ripped from the headlines" all the time?
—Alicia, via the Answer B!tch inbox
Of course! That episode where a guy feeds his victims to pigs? Based on a guy who made big news for feeding his victims to pigs. Pigs nomming on human remains: That is so a job for the rock 'n' roll forensics team.
But the lawsuit you mention is quite different. A real-life realtor couple claims they were used as inspiration for a CSI plotline. The episode "Deep Fried & Minty Fresh" deals with a realtor couple involved with alcoholism, murder and kinky sex, which might be fine, if...
Has the Somali Pirate Rescue Gone Hollywood Yet?
Reuters/Ho New, Buena Vista Pictures Distribution
The rescue of Captain Phillips from the Somali pirates really is a movie. So are Hollywood schlockmeisters already racing to get the first movie on the air?
—Scott, Tucson
I'm told by some of the most powerful dealmakers in the business that the answer is "probably," though calls to Richard Phillips' people (he has people now) were not immediately returned today.
I'm sure the only detail left involves whether Tom Hanks or George Clooney will play Phillips onscreen. Both definitely can grow some serious A-list hostage stubble.
So just how much cash is Captain Phillips likely to rake in from his dangerous encounter with Somali pirates?
The answer may shock you...
Update
Can the Octomom Go Hollywood and Get Rich?
NBC/Paul Drinkwater
Do you think the Octomom will really stay famous and get a book deal and a TV show?
—Octofever, Kansas
A TV show? Less likely every minute. Sure, one Emmy-winning reality-TV producer tells me he would love to give a series to Nadya Suleman, the jobless woman who used fertility treatments to birth eight children, after she already had six.
"She's a trainwreck," says Terence Noonan, who spent two years producing Elimidate. "You can't stop watching."
But Suleman keeps missing opportunities. Earlier today someone who works with the TLC network (home of 17 Kids and Counting and Jon & Kate Plus 8) told me they were open to working with her. Hours later, network prez Eileen O'Neill issued this statement: "TLC is not pursuing any program at this time with Nadya Suleman. We wish the family well."
Oh well. And that's not even the first of Suleman's Hollywood fumbles...
Can Nicole Kidman Undo Her Curse?
JOHANNES SIMON/AFP/Getty Images
I hear Nicole Kidman was cursed for life after blowing into that didgeridoo. Can that possibly be true?
—Bean, Fresno
Well, it's like this: Yes.
I can state without irony or doubt that Nicole Kidman is now barren for life—she will never again get the chance to name a baby after a day of the week. I learned all this from the Australian Aboriginal people, a few representatives of whom proclaimed the curse earlier this week.
Here's what happened, plus a way she could reverse the ill fortune if she wanted to, and how you can help...
Why Do Celebs Keep Injecting Stuff Into Their Lips?
Nancy Kaszerman/ZUMA Press
Why do celebrities keep getting their lips injected when it looks completely fake and they are always made fun of? Thanks! You are the best b!tch ever!
—Kayla
If you're asking for the true origin of that magical mystery puff posing as Lisa Rinna's upper lip—or exactly what species of sea life has been so cruelly delipped so that so many other stars can keep on making movies—forget it. I enjoy a lawsuit-free lifestyle, thanks, and unless a star confirms she's had lip injections (as Rinna has done), I can't go there.
But if I can't provide the who, I certainly can provide the why. There's even a term for it, in celebrity plastic surgeon circles...
Why Can't Britney, Katy & Pam Keep Their Pants On?
Gustavo Caballero/Getty Images
Madonna, Katy Perry, Britney Spears and now Pam Anderson. When did Hollywood decide that pants were optional? Was there a meeting, a memo? Are sparkly granny panties the new leggings?
—Pam
Pants have always been optional. Go rent an old movie called Let's Make Love with Marilyn Monroe. She dances around in a big sweater and no pants, and all in the year 1960.
Why do singers say they wrote all the songs on their albums, and then when you look at the writing credits there's a list of names as the songwriters?
—Sylvette
Whose Idea Was Beyoncé's Shiny Robot Glove?
Kevin Mazur/Getty Images
What is that new hand that Beyoncé has? Is it a robot hand? Is it superstrong?
—B Fan, Yonkers
See? I told you. The Cylons. They look like us now.
The handpiece you mention—alternately known among fashion reporters as the roboglove, the gling or Anti-Rihanna Death Grip—actually was handcrafted by Beyoncé's longtime jeweler, New York-based Lorraine Schwartz. Despite Internet rumors that the piece was fashioned of pure gold—possibly in the legendary Elven forges at Rivendell—it's actually made of...
Did Carrie Underwood Pose for Her Wax Statue?
AP Photo/Kristie Bull/Graylock.com
When celebrities get wax replicas made, do they go in and get all the measurements taken—or how is it done?
—Abro
The stars don't "go in." The wax artists from Madame Tussauds museum travel to the celebrity's location and pray that the star knows how to sit still. Take Carrie Underwood. "A couple of people met us out on the road and like did a lot of measurements, a lot of picture taking," she told the Oklahoman. "I had to stand still for a long time."
Who's the mastermind behind a celebrity who has a hit with a new style or trend? Take Posh's short hairdo—was it her idea, her stylist's, someone else's?
—Jennifer in Oregon
Burning Q's: Madonna's Gypsies & Clooney's Boys
Kevin Mazur/Getty Images
I saw the press release that Madonna put out about all the numbers involving her tour. I saw something about costumes for the band and for "gypsies." Is she trafficking in gypsies?
—Rep, Ottawa
Yes, sweetie, the entire tour is a front for child trafficking, Chinese movie bootlegging and a black market body-part-thievery ring. Actually, Madonna has hired a bunch of actual Romany gypsies to play during portions of her show—they are guests and not considered to be part of the main band.
Often, I hear about George Clooney's buddies, those guys he apparently hangs out with in between dating up-and-coming model/actress types. Who are these guys?
—Agusta, Reykjavik
The main crew includes club owner Rande Gerber, also known as Cindy Crawford's husband, and comedic actor Richard Kind.
A-List Secrets: Why Zac & Miley Don't Get (Many) Zits
ZumaPress.com
How do all these teeny boppers in their pubescent stages—like Miley Cyrus—magically avoid the hormonal zit?
—Deborah, California
Miley? She remains zit-free through the pure power of her all-American virginity and the love of the sweet baby Jesus! Plus, weekly wraps in the American flag. I hear those do wonders for acne.
In all seriousness, dear, many of those kids get zits. Though the Los Angeles Times last year described the then-teenage actor Zac Efron as "pimple-free," a New York Times headline declared "It's Pimples, Not Pregnancy, for Miley Cyrus."
Find out how teen stars get rid of their zits super-quick—unless you're squeamish—after the jump.
A-List Secrets: Are All Celebs' Shoes Way Too Small?
Edward Opinaldo/PacificCoastNews.com
What's with celebs wearing shoes that are way too small? I saw Jessica Simpson's toes sticking out a good half-inch beyond the end of a shoe.
—Jessica, Dayton, Pa.
Celebrity stylists clucked and sputtered when I asked whether Jess may have actually sported a missized shoe on a red carpet. Nonsense, they said. And how dare anyone even imply that Jessica Simpson would do such a thing, because she has her own shoe line, blah blah blah.
The shoes were probably the correct size, the stylists mused, but then the weather likely grew rude or inappropriate, causing Jess to sweat. Seriously. See what I mean, after the jump.
Burning Q's: Sherri's Oversharing & TV Judge Creds
John Sciulli/WireImage.com
I read that Sherri Shepherd, who once wondered out loud if the world was flat, has had a ton of abortions. Why do stars share all this? TMI!
—Micki, New Jersey
Shepherd was spilling to a Christian women's magazine. You can't appear in one of those without sharing your life-affirming account of Jesus lifting you from the ashes. Shepherd's involved abusive relationships and, she says, "more abortions than I would like to count."
And, oh: The revelation certainly hasn't hurt the woman's profile, has it?
"Of all the people on The View, nobody pays attention to her," notes celebrity therapist Gilda Carle. "We know that Whoopi and Joy are outspoken, and we know all about crying Elizabeth. But now Sherri wants people to pay attention to her."
Now you pay attention to me, as I answer more of your Burning Q's!
Podcasts
Is R.Pattz Really the Next Keanu Reeves?
- Yes, but Kristen Stewart is not the next Natalie Portman. All this and more in my new weekly podcast!
For real, Taylor Lautner = Matt Damon
- Pretty much an all-Twilight/New Moon episode this week. With some strippers thrown in. All in our weekly podcast.
Why Did Rihanna Wait So Long?
- Also: How "This Is It" duped you, why celebs lie and what made tweens call Miley Cyrus a bad influence! All in our weekly podcast.
Where Did Gerard Butler Come From, Anyway?
- Also: Aniston, Selena Gomez, Gitmo! All in our weekly podcast.
