Mario Perez/ABC"It's gone. You don't have to worry about it anymore."
This is what Lost boss Damon Lindelof promises me after tonight's two-hour season premiere, in which the Island claimed its latest casualty: Junkie Jack's scruffy facial rat's nest. (Hooray for Bic razors!)
Of course, it's that other apparent casualty who's really got us worried (the Lostie who's bloody knocking on heaven's door), not to mention the blast from the past who appears to be Daniel Faraday's mother, the revelation that Desmond is the key to everyone's survival and so much more...
Want to know what you may have missed in tonight's episode and scoop on what will go down next?
Of course you do, so light-flash on in here...
What We Learned
Charlotte and Daniel Have Been Doing the Nasty! How else would you explain her headaches, nosebleeds, food cravings ("I figured we could use a bite") and forgetfulness ("What's my mother's maiden name?")? As someone who has suffered all these symptoms in the past seven months I can tell you precisely what is wrong with our girl Charlotte: She's pregnant! Either that, or the Island is working its seriously bad mojo on her increasingly fragile noggin, and she'll appear dead within the week. See, you're rooting for my ridiculous prego theory now, aren't you?
The Islanders Are Moving: We can't explain this better than Faraday did, but the Losties are moving. Well, the Losties or the Island, but my money is on it being the people, our favorite characters, being the ones that are skipping through time like rocks across the surface of a pond. According to the rules as explained by these two eps, the only things they can carry with them are items on their person or in their possession (compasses, clothes, flimsy watercraft). They can't change the future or the past (no killing Hitler or warning their friends about danger), with one notable exception: Desmond Hume. He is special, and the rules bend for and around him. And at long last we have a context for the identification of many of our characters as "special." Some of them are special because their mommies told them so (Charlie Pace), and some of them are special because they can defeat string theory by the sheer power of their native-born awesomeness (Desmond Hume). Got it? No? Us neither, but who cares? As Lost goes, so goes our nation. We're along for the ride until they throw us off.
Locke Down: After Locke was shot, Richard Alpert stopped by from the past and told him, "The only way to save the Island, John, is to get your people back here, the ones who left." Notice that he said save the Island. He didn't say save the people on the Island or save the world. He said save the Island. Which makes us wonder: Sure, it cures paralysis and cancer and offers lost souls redemption and yadda yadda, but really, why are we saving the secret Island?
Nobody Puts Locke in a Meat Locker! Well, except Benjamin Linus, who is prone to bouts of odd behavior, including pretending to fall from the sky via balloon, turning a frozen donkey wheel and now putting the man who appears to be a BFD (Big Frakking Deal) to the Island in a frigid storage room next to cuts of filet mignon. Though Damon told me "Locke looked pretty dead to me," something tells me he will totally be brought back among the living somehow. As Ben put it to the kindly meat-counter chiquita: "Keep him safe. Because if you don't, everything we're about to do won't matter."
Ladies, All the Ladies: Sun and Kate reunion! The two old friends reunited and talked about having their kiddos play together, but has Sun really forgiven Kate for surviving the freighter when Jin (apparently) didn't? Before that fight breaks out, however, it's nice to see the strategically superior Sun emerge as an ally and advisor for Kate when our favorite runner didn't know where to go next.
You Should Maybe Get That Cauterized: Welcome, Freighters! Don't ever leave! We weren't sure last year if Frank, Miles, Daniel and Charlotte were no-goodniks or just plain not good, but all four have more than proven themselves as excellent new elements. Miles' humor, Daniel's adorkable smarts, Charlotte's brash game-for-anything playfulness and Frank's warmth are all worthy additions to the series, and now we can hardly stand the thought of losing any one of them. Therefore, Darlton, Charlotte's nosebleeds better be curable. We are not giving Rebecca Mader back. Capische?
In Other News:
- Frogurt died as he lived: ignobly.
- Rose and Bernard are still alive and bickering, and Damon and Carlton promised that they (along with dog Vincent) will be alive and bickering for some time to come. Yay!
- Sayid is a badass ninja with a badass weapon: the dishwasher.
- Hurley also has a badass weapon: the almighty Hot Pocket.
- Ben got Jack off the junk. (Who needs 12 steps when you can have one?)
- Sawyer found a shirt. (You can't win 'em all.)
- Marvin Candle/Pierre Chang (François Chau) had a wife and kid back during the Dharma Golden Age, and we saw them all happy-slappy, before this catastrophe (first broadcast at Comic-Con '08) went down. Can this marriage be saved? We'll find out soon enough!
- It sure looks like Mrs. Hawking, the lady who told Desmond back in the day that he couldn't propose to Penny right then, is Daniel Faraday's mother. And Desmond better find her!
Notable Quotables
"Find a suitcase. If there's anything you want in this life, pack it in there, because you're never coming back." —Ben to Jack
"Why there is a dead Pakistani on my couch?" —Hurley's mom
Easter Eggs
- Did you catch Marvin Candle's reference to the hostile indigenous population? Do you think there is any relation to the people that Desmond's hatchmate referred to as the hostiles? And how the heck do they fit into the matrix of the Island ghosts, Jacob, the whisperers, forever-young Richard Alpert, Dharma and the Others? This show has explained a lot by this point, but the anthropology of the Island still makes no sense!
- In Papa Hurley's sitting room, the voice on the TV saying "Previously on Exposé..." was none other than executive producer Carlton Cuse. Maybe he's trying out a new career path in voiceover work?
What's to Come
- One beloved Lostie will be in mortal danger by the end of next week's episode. OK, fine, it's Charlotte. Those nosebleeds are going to get much worse before they get any better. Luckily, she has Daniel Faraday on her side, and he has a wicked-bad crush on Charlotte, and he's going to save his crush object...Right, Lost? Right?
- Miles sees four dead people next week, and the reason those dead people were on the Island in the first place might just explain many of the Lost mysteries.
- We'll be reminded next week that it's always handy to have an Other on your side. Look for Juliet to reveal another secret power of her Otherhood.
"Enhanced Edition" Michael Emerson Q&A (With Bonus Commentary)!
There was too much Emersonian goodness to fit into this week's Watch With Kristin Show, so here are some special Redux-only outtakes with bonus commentary! (This bonus material has a $59.99 suggested retail value, but for you, free!)
KDS: Were there any actual donkeys involved in shooting the frozen donkey wheel scene?
ME: I think in medieval times, when the wheel served a different function, but now as we see it's part of a machinery that is far more sophisticated that that.
Commentary: Hold the phone! The donkey wheel was around during the medieval period?
KDS: Do you think Ben has the Losties' best interests at heart? Is he concerned with what happens to them at this point?
I think Ben has the Losties' best interests at heart to the extent that their interests coincide with his interests—that makes it sound too selfish—with the interests of the great contest or battle that he's involved in, the terms of which are yet unclear. I mean, we know who one of his adversaries is, it's Charles Widmore, but I have a feeling we're going to find there are even larger players.
Commentary: One of those players is possibly introduced in next week's episode, "Jughead," but what I want to know is: Does Charles Widmore have a boss?!
KDS: This question is from Myrto in Athens, Greece: Is there any new aspect of Ben's personality that we have not yet seen that we will see in season five? Is there something new to his character this season?
We're only halfway through; I've only seen half of the scripts. I would say not really, except shifts of degree, and on a more surface level, Ben is a lot more fashionable this season. He looks better. He has a better haircut; he has better clothes—for a while. I'm basically a stage actor. I keep saying to myself, where is the tuxedo? I'm supposed to be wearing a bowtie and drinking a martini. How did I end up in the jungle? This is so crazy!
Commentary: Will someone please give the man a martini already? He is more than entitled!
Send in Your Q's!
Tomorrow we're interviewing Jorge Garcia and Lost coexecutive producers and the writers of the second half of tonight's episode, "The Lie," Eddy Kitsis and Adam Horowitz, so email tvdiva@eonline.com if you have any special Q's, and we'll try to get you answers!