Trista Sutter Blogs About The Bachelorette: Foot Fetishes, Unicorns & the Closet?

TV's first Bachelorette</> smells "someone hidden in the closet" on last night's episode

Trista Sutter is no stranger to love or reality TV. She appeared on the first season of three of reality's biggest shows: The Bachelor, The Bachelorette, and Dancing With the Stars, and has been happily married to Ryan Sutter since their 2003 televised nuptials, Trista & Ryan's Wedding, which drew more than 26 million viewers, making it one of the most-widely viewed episodes of nonscripted TV ever. Today, she and Ryan live in Colorado with two children, Maxwell Alston and Blakesley Grace, and she's putting all her relationship and TV experience to use for us here at Watch With Kristin by blogging weekly about the new season of The Bachelorette, featuring Jillian Harris. Take it away Trista…

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Here we go, my foray into the wonderful world of blogging. Since it's my debut post, I apologize if my humor (or attempt at humor) doesn't translate. What you'll read is just my humble opinion…The way I see it. I know not everyone will agree with what I have to say, but I do hope you'll enjoy my take on this season of The Bachelorette.

Last night's episode started with host, Chris Harrison, joining the 15 remaining guys in the smelly bunkhouse and explaining the date week ahead. (Lookin' good, Mr. Harrison!) Everyone had their ears perked, and in the case of Brad, legs crossed. With that and the cold sore he had on his lip last week, he's dropping lower and lower in the ranks for me. 

Here's how it all went down...

Foot Fetishes, Unicorns & Lots of Kissing

Ed gets the first individual date, and I'm ecstatic…love him! So cute! What a great smile and perfect teeth. Definitely something I would look for (although I'm, of course, not looking for a replacement for my incredible hubby.)

Jillian, looking fantastic in teal (seriously, great color for you, girl!), shows off her adrenaline junkie side with a date that starts with a helicopter ride to the top of the building. Kudos to her as that so would not be me! The biggest adrenaline-filled date for me was a slow-going blimp ride.

After their time in the air and then the pool, they clean up (very nicely, I might add) and head back up to the top of the building to fill their bellies and have a chat. I'm all about honesty and absolutely love that Ed said, "You better give me a rose." He's chalking up the points from where I sit. 

OK, sorry to the producers as I know you have a really hard job coming up with interesting and original dates that haven't been on any of the other Bachelor or Bachelorette shows, but acting on a movie set? Really? Maybe in theory it could seem like fun, but I can't believe Jillian would be up for a repeat of what happened on the soap opera date that she had while on The Bachelor.Yes, it's gotta show her their personalities, but I would so not have been cool with kissing dude after dude while the others were watching. Don't know if Brad felt the stares of the others when he had his moment because the self-proclaimed "ultra-badass" (I think not!) seemed to lack any sort of kissing skills. Bad sign, Jillian. Run the other way! 

My take on their individual time with Jillian:

1.  Robby hasn't kissed a girl in two years...what? First of all: How old is he? And second: He's a bartender? Seriously?!

2.  The conversation seemed way forced and didn't flow. I do know that you don't see 99 percent of what happens during the six weeks of the show, so maybe they had more conversation that did work. But when you have to ask, "Do you have any questions?" it seems like you are reaching. 

3.  Juan came off as a huge player and is now way down at the bottom of my list of faves. 

The group date ended with, what else, a jaunt in the hot tub and watching their movie, which was cute. In the water, Tanner P. of course went gaga over Jillian's feet. We get that you've got a disgusting fetish, but can you maybe give it a teeny break? Tanner's moment, yes, awkward, but I think overall it couldn't have been "fun." Eleven guys and one girl that they are all pining for in one hot tub. Not the most comfortable of situations, I assume—especially when Kiptyn ends up between Robby and Jillian and their cheek kiss. I'm sure she was ready for that part to end.

Sasha then gets the next date, and I have to admit, I haven't been totally into him. Then, after he mentioned sheep, wolves and unicorns in one sentence, my not being into him got even stronger. Unicorns? Huh?

As the guys were saying goodbye to him, all I saw was a rockin' body. Holy six pack abs, Kiptyn, or should I say 12-pack? Surfing pays off. Then, Jillian walks in to pick Sasha up and, wow, does she have great legs! Absolutely adore her denim jumper with yellow heels. Great style and great calves. Love her.

After a photo shoot and sweet ride in a Ferrari, they sit down to dinner and, unfortunately, it doesn't win Sasha the rose. He shares his awful story about a car accident that nearly killed him and with the fact that Jillian said she wanted someone who's been through a storm in their life…it seemed to bode well for him. He went on to tell her that he hadn't had his heart broken and that he has high expectations for his future wife. Not sure why, but she says adios based on the fear of living up to those expectations. I personally believe it's a good thing not to settle. And so ends Sasha's reality-TV time. 

Back at the ranch, Wes plays guitar for the other guys. What? It wasn't a play sing-alongs night? It was a show-off-the-new-song-you-wrote-for-a-girl night. Strange.

Seems like if you write a song for a girl, you would maybe sing it to her first and not to other guys she may have feelings for.

I do have to admit that even though he seems a bit sly, it's hard not to turn into a melted mess if someone serenades you. Although my hubby, Ryan, isn't the best singer (sorry, baby!), the fact that Brad Paisley sings a song he wrote as a poem to me on our first date surely melts me every time I hear it (P.S.: You can download it on iTunes!). 

Roses, Anger Issues & a Gay Guy?

Rose ceremony time. (Gorgeous dress, Jillian!) Time with the boys goes down like this:

1. Once again, Jillian asks Reid, "What kind of questions do you have for me?" Unfortunately, it seems like when you have to be that specific, the conversational chemistry isn't there, and that's an important component. It did look like they had a great kiss, though, and I feel like that may be even more important.

2.  I appreciate David's honesty, but you don't say, "I'm used to being the top dog and getting all the attention" without sounding arrogant. You seriously think that's the way to a woman's heart?  Not so much. 

3.  Juan interrupts the moment with Jillian and David with a "Davie"...I think.  It was either that or "baby" and either or is creepy. Then he slimily says, "You look so great tonight," with his legs crossed. I smell someone hidden in the closet, though he may not know it. Nothing wrong with it, except for the fact that he's trying to win the heart of a girl.  Sorry, Juan.

The saga between David and Juan continues and continues and continues. Yes, Juan has an annoying Rico Suave factor, and he pretended to down a shot, but poured it out instead. But come on, David. Let it go! Don't know if maybe there's an alcohol issue with you or you're jacked-up on steroids, but, David, I hope after seeing this show, you realize that you've got an anger problem. You are just lucky that Jillian isn't seeing your rage, although I hope someone tells her. Maybe Ed will, considering he got his head ripped off for "interrupting" David...oh, and got snapped at! The next one to get it was Mark. Talk about disrespectful. I think David should look in the mirror.

I probably shouldn't waste this much time on him, but how is David such an expert on what Jillian needs anyway? I know she's looking for a good man, but how is it that yelling, calling people a coward and "cheese-ass" (nice), threatening to beat someone's ass and drinking like a lush make you a man? Not sure why Juan has to explain why he is there to you, David. Seems like Jillian is the one making the decisions for her future. 

Time for comedic relief with Tanner P., who, foot fetish or not, has a funny bone. Disturbing, yes, as he said he wanted to "suck on some toes" over and over again (creepy), but I do like the guy's humor, even if he was wasted. 

Rose ceremony time. Ed and Robby have one, but dun, dun, dun! Who will get the remaining eleven? The suspense is killing me...well, not really. I pinned it with Brad and Tanner F. Sorry, guys, but whether it's your lack of airtime that gave me the hint or my stellar Bachelorette intuition (so not this one...I'm always wrong!), I had it right on.

Next week looks pretty hot and sexy with Kiptyn at least. Can't wait to see David get the cold shoulder. They show him saying, "I've never been turned down from a kiss before," and Jillian going in with her cheek. Love it! I truly hope they have a one-on-one date so that she can not give him a rose next show! 

Had lots of fun. Same time, same place next week!

XOXO,
Trista