BRAVOWe got our greedy little reality-TV-obsessed hands on an advance screener of The Real Housewives of New Jersey, which debuts on Bravo tomorrow, and were so stunned by what came out of the new batch of bitchy babes and bros that we just had to share.
Here are the most absurd moments from the premiere episode:
Most Delusional Moment: "I grew up in Jersey my whole life. Do I have the big hair and nails? No," says Teresa Giudice. Uh, actually, Teresa, you do have big hair and tacky nails, and don't get us started on that colorful makeup, circa 1988.
Most Hypocritical Moment: "I'm not fake...I want to get breast implants, but my husband is more of an ass guy." Another Teresa gem.
Most Jersey-esque Dream: "My life goal is to be the face of strip clubs in car washes," says Caroline Manzo's son Christopher, who, by the way, was sporting a T-shirt that read, "yo."
Most Douche-Bag Moment: When college-bound Albie (Caroline's "golden" son) says to his strip-club-loving brother Christopher, "You buy books to say, 'I got books in my room.' I buy a book [to read it and learn]," Christopher responds, "That makes me a baller. That makes you a douche."
Most Shocking Revelation: "I was engaged 19 times prior to getting married," says 45-year-old divorcee Danielle Staub, who gets accused of being involved in prostitution, the mob and stripping (so say the previews for the second episode).
Most Awful Child: "If I had a fat, old mom, I would hate it," says Lexi, 12, the spoiled daughter of Dina Manzo.
Click on the video below to watch a clip from the first episode. And, for more on these Jersey girls, check out Marc Malkin's interview with Danielle Staub here.