Wait, Kathy Ireland was on this show? What the heck is Tom DeLay doing here?!

Oh right, the Dancing With the Stars finale is when a whole season's worth of contestants come out of the woodwork and remind the viewers just how right they were in casting these folks aside long ago.

With that behind them, Donny Osmond, Kelly Osbourne and Mya gathered tonight for one last spin around the floor and awaited to hear who would be bringing the illustrious disco-ball trophy home for good.

Kelly danced the Viennese waltz more gracefully than ever; Mya brought new sharpness and confidence to her and Dmitry Chaplin's nerd-meets-seductress jive; and Donny performed his Argentine-tango ass off, somehow managing to look intense but not hammy.

But, as Len Goodman said earlier, "There can be only one."

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Ojani Noa says he's moved on since his brief marriage to Jennifer Lopez more than a decade ago.

Minus the 12-year-old home movies he's peddling and his desire to make a feature-length comedy that touches on their courtship, that is.

Noa, 35, has admitted to trying to sell footage of himself and Lopez from back in the day, but, he added, there is no graphic sexual activity on the video—and therefore no one should be making such a big deal about it.

"They think I have a sex tape with her and that I'm trying to sell it," Noa says in an exclusive interview with E! News. "My tape is from our honeymoon, the wedding, us hanging out. There's no nudity—maybe one spanking.

"There's moments of her fighting with her mom...couples having fun and kissing. If someone has a sex tape, it's not me."

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Nicole Richie still isn't 100 percent, but at least she's out of the sick ward.

The starlet is still on bed rest as she recovers from pneumonia, but is out of the hospital. She checked herself into Cedars-Sinai Medical Center a week ago to better combat her illness.

"I'd like to thank you all for the kind words and well wishes over the past few weeks," Richie wrote on her Celebuzz blog. She also apologized for missing out on the Nov. 11 launch for her House of Harlow 1960 fashion line at Bebe, as well as the Holt-Renfrew Calgary opening.

"Right now it's important for me to stay in bed and recover," she continued. "Reading all of your messages on Twitter and my website has really brightened my spirits and I am so grateful for the support. I look forward to seeing you all very soon and wish you a happy Thanksgiving."

At least Richie's home for the holidays.

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Nicole Richie shows off her son Sparrow right here.

Apparently, waking up with Glambert is hard to do.

After receiving more than 1,500 complaints from viewers shocked—just shocked!—over Adam Lambert's sexually charged antics at Sunday's American Music Awards, the Alphabet net's a.m. flagship has pulled the plug on tomorrow's planned performance by the American Idol star.

"Given Adam Lambert's controversial live performance on the AMAs we were concerned about airing a similar concert so early in the morning," ABC said in a statement.

The move was to quiet those offended types who apparently let their children watch television unsupervised after 10 p.m.—like the folks in the Parents Television Council, who were among the first to sound off on Lambert's crotch-diving, male-on-male kissing performance.

But while ABC suddenly got a case of the family-friendlies, rival CBS had no qualms picking up the scraps. Just hours after GMA nixed Lambert, The Early Show announced he'd be stopping by their digs on Wednesday for a chat—among other things about his AMA antics,  of course.

And what did Mr. "For Your Entertainment" have to say about the morning-show switcheroo?

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Are you glad Jon & Kate Plus 8 is over? Did you watch Jennifer Lopez fall, or see Adam Lambert get a rise out of the crowd? And why do you suddenly care about Katie Couric? 

The answers—and more questions, about Project Runway, Sarah Palin and more—in the latest TV ratings quiz:

1. So, was it goodbye or good riddance to Jon & Kate Plus 8? It sure didn't seem like the show wore out its welcome. Last night's series finale was well-attended, attracting 4.3 million viewers, TLC said, up 2 million from last week's penultimate episode. When all was said and done and repeated in the tabloids, the show remained a ratings winner, if not the scandal-boosted phenomenon of earlier in the season.

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Moms can be embarrassing, even—or maybe especially—if you're Oprah Winfrey.

Luckily, the big O's mama is once again leaving the headline-grabbing to her daughter, thanks to the recent settlement of the lawsuit filed against her for failing to make good on a $155,547 debt at a Wisconsin clothing boutique.

Valentina Inc. filed suit against Vernita Lee in July 2008 after the Oprah-birther failed to make good on her minimum monthly payments. Attorneys for Lee played the blame game in their defense, saying the store was at fault for extending her a line of credit in the first place, what with her history of less than stellar repayment practices.

Still, the suit has now been settled and will remain sealed, giving some credence to the report that it was Oprah herself who stepped in to bail out her mother. According to the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel, the store will receive a partial payment of what was owed.

"We're happy with what transpired," Valentina co-owner Tony Chirchirillo told the paper. "We can get on with our lives; they can get on with theirs."

A judge still needs to sign off on the secret settlement, and a hearing to do just that has been scheduled for Dec. 7.

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Did you hear? Oprah's gonna be out of a job soon. And by soon, we mean in 22 months.

Rihanna almost brought a little too much to her TV concert comeback on Good Morning America.

Two days after performing solo at the American Music Awards, Rihanna made her much-anticipated way to the morning show's outdoor stage in NYC this morning to sing a whopping three tunes: "Wait Your Turn," "Russian Roulette," and fan (and remix) favorite "Umbrella."

But what about that slight lag between new besties Diane Sawyer and Robin Roberts announcing Rihanna and the singer's appearance on the stage?

Two words: wardrobe malfunction.

"I'm a little too fat right now, my dress…the zip busted in the back," the svelte-as-always Rihanna explained. "They're like, 'A minute to live,' I'm like, 'Oh my god!' They wanted to stitch it up, but I couldn't."

But it wasn't all body talk. After performing her new single, "Wait Your Turn," the superstar paid her now usual lip service to the oh-so-perfect timing of her new album, Rated R.

"It came very natural, only because it was my place of peace, being in the studio, just venting," she said of the post-Chris Brown-attack process of recording the album.

"It was the one place where I didn't feel judged or criticized, I just wanted to sit and make great music. Every emotion that I was going through at the time throughout making the record went into that album, and you can hear it in the songs."

The album, a surefire No. 1 if ever there was one, was released yesterday.

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Rihanna looked good at the AMAs. Check out who didn't (hint: everyone else) with our Fashion Police roundup.

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With friends like these, who needs tabloid reporters?

Jon Gosselin is the latest victim to fall prey to Michael Lohan's seemingly ever-present recording devices, with Lindsay's father now leaking audio from a phone call earlier this year with the reality dud dad.

We'll give him this, Lohan certainly managed to get Gosselin talking during the nearly four-minute call, spouting off on his exclusivity contract with TLC, dishing on his relationships with Hailey Glassman and Kate Major, pronouncing he will not—repeat not—be "scare tactic'd," and...one more thing...what was it?

Oh, yeah. Pedophiles.

"I mean, I put my kids out there to every pedophile on the planet and they never got paid for it?" he said in the tape obtained by Radar Online. "It's disgusting."

It's disgusting all right...

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Matt Sayles/AP Photo

"Singularly distasteful."

The Parents Television Council on Adam Lambert's American Music Awards leash demonstration? Close. The Sept. 16, 1956, New York Times on Elvis Presley's hip-censored Ed Sullivan performance.

If our outrage over rock stars is nothing new, then neither are our rock stars. From Elvis' pelvis on down, they are nothing if not dedicated to sex, more sex, the next new single, which is probably about sex, and ticking off people who prefer their s-e-x to be not so explicit, thankyouverymuch. 

Criticizing Lambert for what he did, smooched and pawed at the AMAs is like criticizing that Paula Deen lady on the Food Network because she made something with butter: It's what they do.

And the other night, Lambert did his job very well.

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From Argentine tango to Viennese waltz, the final round of Dancing With the Stars had a little bit of everything.

Finalists Mya, Kelly Osbourne and Donny Osmond danced three times apiece on night one of the ABC hit's two-part finale, which will culminate tomorrow with one of these endearing celebs being crowned queen or king of the ballroom.

Though neither Donny nor Mya has ever been in the bottom two (or three) and Kelly and her can-do attitude have obviously developed quite the following, voters' loyalties may well have shifted during the course of the evening, thanks to the hit-and-miss nature of the routines.

We always expect the anything-goes freestyles to be especially exciting...so perhaps that's why we're even more let down when they fail.

But we're getting ahead of ourselves. First came a Latin round. Then they did a group mega-mix, in which all three couples performed the same Viennese waltz, samba and jive choreography simultaneously.

We broke it all down for you:

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Kate Gosselin never wanted it to be this way. But since it is this way...

Having to shut down its cash cow thanks to Jon Gosselin's gripes, TLC made sure that its litigious former star ended up looking like the greater of two evils on Monday's series finale of Jon & Kate Plus 8.

"They don't know about girlfriends at all," Kate said, referring pointedly to her kids' knowledge of Jon's off-and-on significant other, Hailey Glassman.

"That's just too warped for them, too unhealthy for them to know. They're learning at this age by watching us what it's like to be an adult, and that's the last thing I want them to know. But I really just think that relationship is a situation that's just a symptom of the real issue, so…I don't envision a future there involving my kids at all."

Zing!

So while Jon talked about doing what he has to do to be friends with Kate, be a good dad and maintain his relationship with Hailey, his estranged wife was busy nipping that last part in the bud.

When they weren't busy repeating themselves for the cameras, Kate took six of the kids to an organic farm, where they petted kittens and milked cows, and everything was wholesome and lovely! Meanwhile, even raising money for firefighters, Jon just couldn't win.

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Timbaland says he's got nothing but love for Chris Brown, despite the fact that Brown is now an ex-contributor to the MC's latest album.

"The decision was a mutual decision since both artists were at the time working on their solo projects," a rep for Timbaland tells E! News in response to a TMZ report that Brown's vocal on "The One I Love" was dropped due to all the "drama" in his life.

"Chris is a friend to us," the rep says.

Neither version is particularly far-fetched, but that's the official word.

Another rapper on the track, D.O.E., told TMZ that the tune was originally titled "Maniac," but was changed to "The One I Love" because of Brown's involvement.

Timbaland's latest solo effort, Shock Value II, is due out Dec. 8. Brown's new album, Graffiti, drops the same day.

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Get a load of the latest videos in both Chris Brown and Rihanna's repertoires right here.