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This wasn't the kind of chaser Tila Tequila was thinking of, but it'll have to do.

The MTV reality starlet has filed a civil suit against her San Diego Charger ex-boyfriend, Shawne Merriman, over the September he-said, she-said spat that ended up with her in the hospital but with the San Diego district attorney refusing to push criminal charges.

In the complaint filed in San Diego County under her real name, Tila Nguyen, the petite Shot at Love star accuses the NFL star of some serious unnecessary roughness. She claims Merriman grabbed her neck, nearly choked her, threw her to the ground and then held her against her will at his suburban home following a long night of partying.

But that's not her only explosive allegation...

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MTV fans can relax. Tila Tequila isn't planning to kill herself.

But the chilling suicidal Twitter messages she sent out into the ether early Monday morning were as they seemed—a cry for help.

"I am going to kill myself cuz I don't want to life in a world where its filled with IGNORANCE! which majority of you ARE! & racists!" she threatened. "As dark descends into my world…I drown at night, without a fight. One last breath before I go. Dont mourn me world, I will die slow."

Thankfully, she's taken a shot at explaining herself via her Global Grind blog.

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Well, that didn't take long.

Despite her best efforts to tweet a victory in the court of public opinion, looks like Tila Tequila won't get her shot in a court of law at San Diego Chargers linebacker Shawne Merriman.

"After a thorough review...our office has determined there is insufficient evidence to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that any crime was committed," San Diego District Attorney Bonnie M. Dumanis said in a statement today. "This case is now closed. No further comment will be made."

The decision comes just two days after the D.A.'s office got the he-said, she-said case from investigators and about 24 hours after meeting with Tequila.

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In Margaritaville, some people claim there's a woman to blame, but in San Diego, Tila Tequila says it's Shawne Merriman's damn fault.

Now it's up to the D.A. to sort out the whole sordid mess.

The San Diego County Sheriff’s Department has handed off its evidence in the he-said, she-said case between the 27-year-old Shot at Love babe and the 25-year-old star NFL linebacker, and now it's up to prosecutors to determine whether to press charges.

Even though a tentative court date has been set, district attorney spokesman Steve Walker tells E! News, "We don't really have a timeline."

Meanwhile, Walker would not confirm a report that Tequila (aka Tila Nguyen) would be questioned by investigators today. She claims she was beaten up by Merriman and held against her will. Merriman says he was merely being a gentleman and refusing to let an intoxicated Tequila drive her car after a night of partying.

The D.A. has the power to file or reject charges against Merriman for the two felonies Tequila charged him with over the weekend: battery and false imprisonment.

If Tequila did in fact meet with investigators today, she must have been tired. The girl apparently stayed up all night tweeting!

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Tila Tequila is looking to intercept her man at the pass.

With NFL star Shawne Merriman publicly declaring that his altercation with the Shot at Love star occurred when he tried to stop her from driving drunk, Tequila maintains she was attacked and can discredit Merriman's "fantastic story."

"Shawne Merriman and his advisors have decided that the best defense is a good offense, attacking Tila Tequila in the press with a lot of calculated spin to cover up his illegal and indefensible actions," the Shot at Love star's attorney, Alan Gutman, said in a statement Tuesday night.

"Fortunately, we as a society will not tolerate a 6-foot-4-inch, 270-pound all-pro NFL linebacker physically assaulting a young lady who is 4 feet, 11 inches and 93 pounds. It is never justifiable to brutally assault, choke, strike and imprison a woman."

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San Diego Chargers linebacker Shawne Merriman is attempting to sack any rumors surrounding his alleged attack on Tila Tequila.

In his first response to Saturday's arrest over an altercation with his racy reality girlfriend, Merriman says he "looks forward to clearing [his] name regarding these false allegations."

"On Sept. 6, 2009 the San Diego Sheriff's Department responded to a citizen's complaint that was initiated by Tila Nguyen (aka Tila Tequila). I was taken into custody based upon that complaint," he says in a statement to FoxSports.com.

"At the time, I was concerned about her welfare given the intoxicated state she appeared to be in and I encouraged her to stay until safe transportation could be provided."

Instead of anything criminal, Merriman insists he was merely being chivalrous...

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AP Photo/Evan Agostini

Tila Tequila took another shot at love and, unfortunately, it's apparently taken a shot back at her.

The reality starlet was hospitalized early Sunday following an altercation with her San Diego Chargers boyfriend, Shawne Merriman, officials confirm to E! News.

The San Diego Sheriff's Department received a disturbance call from Tila "Tequila" Nguyen at 3:45 a.m. She told deputies she had been choked by Merriman and, when she tried to leave, he physically restrained her.

Nguyen, 27, signed a citizen's arrest warrant accusing the NFL linebacker of battery and false imprisonment.

Merriman logged two and a half hours in custody in county jail before being released. Tequila's rep declined to discuss her condition and said she would have no comment on the incident at this time.

There was no sign of trouble hours earlier as the two partied at the local hot spot Stingaree.

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• Forget tears. When it comes to shampoo, Gwyneth Paltrow is concerned it can give children cancer. No word yet on what adverse effects stem from naming your kids Apple and Moses.

• Angelina Jolie collapsed from physical and emotional exhaustion on the set of her new film, Salt. Hmmm, wasn't April Fool's Day last week?

• Matilda Ledger wants to remind us that we shouldn't be so quick to crown Suri Cruise the cutest kid in town.

• Seeing Billy Corgan cozy up to Tila Tequila fills us with Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness.

• Megan Fox is so over the whole sex symbol thing. "I don't want to be on the cover of every magazine that exists," she says. "I want to try not to do that. It's my job to show people something different." And what job might that be, exactly?

Smiley, happy people in today's Big Picture gallery—must have been a good weekend!