So where does a mook go when he wants to hone his authentic Garden State essence to the freakin' max? Jerseylicious, of course, the Style Network's new show that follows the big-haired, orange-skinned style aspirations of the crew of Green Brook, New Jersey's Gatsby salon.

And who better to school you than brothers Mikey and Frankie (does Michael Madsen have two kids he doesn't know about?).

The first lesson in J-school? It's all about appearances, and that starts with the proper spiked blowout. Next stop: The tanning salon.

Don't miss the debut of Jerseylicious, this Sunday at 10 p.m. ET/PT on the Style Network!

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And no need to feel ashamed of your guido aspirations, even celebs are getting Jersey'd-up. Take a look.

The challenge of becoming the well-dressed toady to scowling millionaire Donald Trump is a demanding one indeed.

And while this season's Celebrity Apprentice brings together an impressive gang of would-be syncophants and coffee-getters including Bret Michaels, Cyndi Lauper, and Rod Blagojevich, sadly, gifted comedian Carol Leifer simply could not compete.

What do these people have that she doesn't? If you guessed hair so powerful it'd make Samson jealous, you're on the money. And let's not forget about The Donald's fearsome, life-sucking comb over.

Brush up for even more follicular follies tonight at 10 p.m. ET/PT on a great big Soup!

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Until then, take a gander at all the lackeys and bootlickers of Celebrity Apprentice 2010.

With apologies to fans of Seducing Cindy, it's a pretty safe bet that after The Soup, Breaking Bad is the second best show on television.

The brilliant acting, the intricate, absorbing plot, the riveting dialogue. In other words, just like The Soup, but with slighlty more references to crystal meth.

And now both worlds collide as B.B. stars Anna Gunn and Betsy Brandt bring a little of their Bad magic to Joel and company. But things don't break the way you might expect. 

Catch this and more weirdness tonight at 10 p.m. ET/PT on a fresh hunk of Soup!

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Want some more Breaking Bad action? Watch With Kristin's got a great look at some B.B. bloopers. Check it out now!

In our effort to maximize your entertainment dollar—meaning the $29.95 a month you pay for basic cable—The Soup is proud to bring you an exciting and educational new segment called Miley Cyrus: Unlikely Voice of Reason.

And if you find that concept difficult to swallow, how about Stephanie Pratt, live and mere inches away from Joel, besting deep thinker Miley with reason even less likely?

Either way, both of them offer more profundity than the wisdom available on The World According to Jim. And that's an unlikely reference.

Attempt to figure this and much more out tonight on The Soup at 10 p.m. ET/PT!

There's little to admire about ousted Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich other than his remarkable Starfleet officer Chekov-like hairdo, and now the slimeball pol has been reduced to vying for a gopher position on Celebrity Apprentice.

And—surprise!—he's screwing that up, too.

Speaking of screwed up, Tool Academy has broken new ground in inter-gender realtionships, offering a lesbian couple attempting to straighten out their love. Which proves that homosexuals can be just as toolishly pathetic as good ol' fashioned heteros.

Hey, does anyone want a longer penis? Courtesy of Extenze, legendary football coach Jimmy Johnson apparently added that crucial yardage to his johnson, but why not let Joel McHale explain the long and short of it?

And he'll fill you in on lots more tonight at 10 p.m. ET/PT on your satisfying new Soup. Remember, it's not the size, but how much you can laugh at it.

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Size it up for yourself in the Soup blog video gallery.

It's hard to believe that yet another season of Bad Girls Club has come and gone, but at least we have the warm memories…

The shockingly violent cat fights, the eye-popping anger over nothing whatsoever, the shrill repitition of the word bitch until it became as mundane and innocuous as a street corner preacher saying amen.

And now comes the inevitable reunion show, with the inevitable host, Perez Hilton, looking more and more like the love child of Liberace and Herman Munster.

Still, it's more fun than a barrel of monkeys. Or—as is Hilton's preference—more fun than something you don't want to imagine.

It's always moving to watch a sweet, innocent young girl reveal true, unfettered love for her mother. Especially when that revelation is systematically forced and manipulated.

By her mother.

For a beauty pageant.

But don't blame mom for the Jack Bauer–like third degree of her dimpled lil' tyke. How else will Madison be certain of admitting the necessary level of mother love required by the Little Miss Perfect judges?

All we can say is, in about 20 years, she'll be paying for some shrink's new Mercedes.

When you think of classic boxing movies—and you're not thinking of Raging Bull—you just may be thinking of Pacquiao: The Movie.

No? Anyway, what Manny Pacquiao may lack in acting chops, the WBO world welterweight champ makes up for in blows to the head and torso. And he's also adept at administering a swift tongue lashing, as your host Matt Iseman finds out.

Get a ringside seat for more of the rope-a-dope action as Sports Soup comes your way Tuesday nights at 10 p.m. ET/PT.

Heads up, zoologists! As The Insider reveals, Jessica Simpson—ever battling issues of weight gain—is this time weighing in on something far more, well, weighty: Perplexing high weirdness in the animal kingdom!

First it was the buffalo wings controversy. Then the Chicken of the Sea debacle. Now it's worms!

Quick—someone call Darwin, and tell him the suckers are rapidly evolving. Jessica's mouth said so!

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There are plenty more gags in the Soup blog video gallery. Dig in!

In case you haven't steeped yourself in the CW's educational reality show High Society, it will school you in the ways of New York's wealthy upper crust.

Or, as the program's website puts it, it's "Gossip Girl meets Sex and the City." 

And, thanks to rich white woman Jules Kirby, it also meets a touch of KKK dogma. Strike that. Jules doesn't like blacks, Jews, gays or the overweight.

At least the Clan has no problem with fat people.

Despite all of this, Kirby is looking for a chance to help mankind. On a global scale. You can't make this stuff up.

There comes a time in every boy's life when he must become a man.

When he must shed his fears, his shortcomings, his inadequacies and step up to confront the forces that deny his dignity, nay, his very macho essence.

For Ryan Seacrest, that moment has come.

Yes, the smiling, subservient American Idol host has finally shed his toady hair shirt and stepped up to imperious cad Simon Cowell. You can almost smell the Seacrest testosterone, flowing like a newly tapped gusher. 

But now that the testy Brit has been taught a lesson, is Joel "Nonstop Seacrest Dwarf Jokes" McHale next on his list?

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Simon's not the only one sending people packing. Check out our gallery of AI guest judges.

Don't drop a dime on Bobby Brown.

It makes him mad. Witness what happens on Celebrity Fit Club when fashionista Jay McCarroll tattles that unfit Bobby scarfed down two bags of potato chips. Two, for God's sake! No wonder these celebrities can't stay fit.

Now outed Brown can barely control his rage, resulting in a surly invitation to Jay.

And who can blame him? Hey Jay, you try eating just one.