While those of us here at Soup headquarters in balmy L.A. are able to keep toasty with only our Official Cameron Mathison Thong-Tee™ and the monk-ready Snuggie, most of the country is taking it long and hard from Jack Frost this year. So why not keep warm the way people who don't believe in electricity do?

That's right, the Amish—you know them, Harrison Ford pretended to be one in Witness—are offering the "miracle" Heat Surge fake fireplace for a mere $298. How do a gang of deeply religious, bearded horse-and-buggy enthusiasts who don't even believe in cigarette lighters market an electric heater with a remote control?

Here's the catch: the Amish (including the ad's Brother Aaron, who sounds strangely like Owen Wilson) just make the wooden mantle. And, for almost $300, you get the "fireplace" tossed in. But beware, the notoriously stern Amish are "imposing a strict limit" on these suckers, only two per customer. Get 'em while they're hot.