The Awful Truth

We love us some Twilight, but even more we love us some Twilight spoofs!

Taylor Swift was too funny with Firelight when she hosted Saturday Night Live, but this Breaking Dawn "scene" with Peter Facinelli (aka Dr. Cullen) might be one of our favorites!

Check out the hilarious Attack of the Show clip above, where Peter gives you a preview of when Bella gives birth in Breaking Dawn.

Hey, it's about time Bella gets hers! Seriously, we know Kristen Stewart may not be experiencing lack of action with lovah Robert Pattinson, but poor Bella keeps getting the shaft in these prissy books! (Or rather not the shaft.)

When we talked with Peter back at the New Moon premiere, he told us he lives for this kind of stuff...

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In the tabloid world (the same one that's always screaming Robsten's so always brutally busted up), Angelina Jolie and Johnny Depp already are getting together. But whatever. 

Life & Style is the first of many rags to start hinting at an Angelina Jolie and Johnny Depp lovefest offscreen, as well as on. Why? Well, they supposedly got a sneak peek at the raunchy, sex-filled script for The Tourist, in which Angie and Johnny are set to star opposite each other.

We've already read tons of reader questions asking if we can expect a Mr. and Mrs. Smith-type hookup from Angie and Johnny. After all how could you resist the sexiest man alive? And isn't that exactly how perfectly happily married Jennifer Aniston lost her man? 

Here's what you can really expect when these attractive libidos collide...

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Enough with the skanky, closeted "straight" movie stars out getting photographed with their pretend girlfriends while doing guys on the side.

This week we're goin' back to those sneaky heterosexuals who originally wrote the book on cheating on their partners, not to mention the public!

Quidget and Bridget Barks-a-Little are a Hollywood dream couple, as in they both do it all with darling personalities and multitalented careers. And oh, aren't they gorgeous to look at, too, what with their sweet smiles and even sweeter kiddies?

Then there's the much darker celeb duo known as Harry and La-Feelya Fun-Tanked, an amazingly hard-partying twosome who are much better known for their combative social and cohabitation skills than they are for any picture of domestic bliss. 

I mean, most folks don't even know Harry and La-Feelya have kids, that's how much their domestic side is never played in the press—or any place else, for that matter. White-picket-fence types they're so not. 

So isn't it so interesting that La-Feelya, who's still awesome-looking with her curves and cat-like attraction, and who has pretty much decided she's had it with too-far-gone Harry, just recently set her sights on a bacon-earner with a little more, how shall we say, predictability (i.e., steady paycheck and richly rewarded career)? Yep.

So much so that...

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Dear Ted:
My friend knew Taylor Lautner back in the day when they were in the same karate circuit, and he tells me that Taylor was really cocky and arrogant, just a total d-bag. Is he still the same way? Because after seeing New Moon, I so want to be on Team Jacob, but not if he isn't the sweet guy he acts like he is. Not buying the whole Tay-Squared deal either. Lots of love!
—V.D.O. 

Dear Jocking Jacob:
Every time we've chatted with Taylor he's been a doll. But those usually are the fishy types, when they're all Reese Witherspoon-y. Still, haven't heard much about Lautner's being like that. Tell your friend to cut him some slack—we were all idiots at some point back in the day. 

Dear Ted:
First off, I'm a faithful reader. Love your style. So I hate to actually put my thoughts into words and make it real but...I may be slightly converted to Team Jacob after New Moon. I mean, seriously! That kid's body should be illegal. And his personality—not as annoying in the movie as it was in the book. So naturally, I want some dirt on him. Maybe dirty him up in my eyes...like he needs to be any sexier! I know about the "showmance" with T2, and that's a li'l too PG-13 for my tastes.
—Can't Choose a Side

Dear Dirty Lautner:
Well, according to the reader above, maybe he was a little dink a few years ago. But I think he's a sweetheart! And I'm with ya—Jacob was almost too likable in New Moon. 

Dear Ted:
Just a comment, sweetie. It's about time the music world got someone like Adam Lambert. Rock hasn't been this fun since Freddie Mercury was around. I love him to death and especially his over-the-topness (does that make sense?). All the boo-birds can take a flying you-know-what! More on Adam, please—so much more interesting than the boring Twilight antics.
—Spanky

Dear Rockin' Out:
Totally agree, Adam is what music needs. Let's get him and Lady Gaga together.

Dear Ted:
You know I love ya, but I can't stand this whole Robsten crap anymore! Ooh, two actors hook up on set! Wowza, like that hasn't happen before ever in the history of movies! (And with hotter people then them!) Yes, I said it! Don't get me wrong Ted, I love you and all that you do, but I don't understand the whole thing around them...Why should we care? Please explain.
-Xmas 

Dear Robsten Hater:
We care because Twilight is, like, the hottest thing in Hollywood (and the world) right now, and because of that, so is Robsten. So we report. We love the couple, because they're different. Rob and Kristen are hardly a classic tale of boy meets girl on set. They're way more interesting than that.

Dear Ted:
So now that you have told me that Kristen Stewart and Nikki Reed have a "special" relationship, but they aren't as tight as they once were, where does that leave Robert Pattinson? Does he still loathe the chick, or has he forgiven her for whatever? I thought it was really sweet that Rob's Brit Pack friends showed up to the premieres and such. I have a tight group of longtime friends, so I think that says a lot about Rob. I can understand it as there are about five of my dearest friends that I would love to share something like that with. Happy Turkey Day, make sure you give your doggies a special treat! Nikki and Rob, please make up!
—Erica 

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Drew Barrymore and Justin Long obviously can't make up their mind if they want to be together or not, and every other week we hear they've called it quits for good. Let's hope the hundredth time's the charm, because the twosome was just spotted in Miami on a hush-hush romantic getaway.

The He's Just Not That Into You costars shacked up at the Viceroy Hotel on posh Brickell Avenue, instead of their usual haunt the Delano. Stealth, guys. Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony can usually be found at the Viceroy, too, but let's just hope Drew and Justin look up to J.Lo and Marc for travel tips, not love tips.

D & J stayed in South Beach for three days, sipping on cocktails and having just a fab time. While Justin was spotted working out at the hotel spa, Drew was found shopping, natch. She hit up Avant Gallery, looking laid-back wearing a simple T-shirt paired with her makeup-free face.

Store patrons tell us Drew was "the sweetest thing." Hmmm, wonder if she was shopping for her pad back in L.A. or possibly a potential place in Miami? After all, Drew supposedly kicked poor Justin out of her Hollywood home. That might be a blessing in disguise, though, trust. Maybe these two make better travel companions than lovers.

While Drewstin is up in the air, one duo who will always be for keeps is...

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AP Photo/J. Scott Applewhite

"They're fine. The smoking means nothing other than he's addicted to cigarettes." 

—White House insider, when we inquired whether or not President Barack Obama's continued clandestine puffing, despite repeated efforts to stop, perhaps was a sign there's tension in his marriage to first lady Michelle.

"They're solid," we were reprimanded when we asked if the cig sneaking (and constant gal eyelash-batting B.O. gets from the babes round the world) was a clue to trouble between the Potomac power couple.

"And she does not wear the pants in the family, dream on," our source added, regarding Michelle's perhaps undeserved rep for being a bit bossy. Oh, really?

__________

Hey, Hollywood's still supporting him! Check out some celebs in Hollywood's Team Obama gallery!

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Glad our little travel-tip yesterday turned out to be true. 

Robert Pattinson landed back in Los Angeles with GF Kristen Stewart yesterday after unwinding together all weekend in NYC. 

Even People magazine has deets of Rob and Kristen full-on making out in public Friday night. Robsten doubters are you even out there still? 

So can we get used to this new Robsten? Ya know, the same undercover lovers who try so hard to never be snapped in the same frame together...

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Ryan Gosling strutted out of his Hollywood gym like he was just walkin' outta the bathroom or somethin'.

The increasingly pumped-up stud-actor was pulling a hoodie over his barely there tight wife-beater, but that's just the start of it. The six-foot-one nascent muscle dude was wearing flimsy track pants that might as well have been pajama bottoms, 'cause we all know what one wears under PJs, right? Same thing with Ryan's black trainers, which could easily have revealed Ryan's religious affiliation.

Either that, or Gosling had his large pet snake with a swollen lip in there, just floppin' around and havin' a good ole time.

Freshly worked out, happy Ryan climbed into his bigass gas-guzzlin' SUV, like it was a perfectly normal thing for an endowed movie star to dangle 'n' go. And I'm sorry, Rachel McAdams is an idiot.

Crazy for private-style partying, also in Hollywood, was...

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Matt Sayles/AP Photo

Dear Ted:
All of the grief over Janet Jackson's breast, but Adam Lambert was allowed to grab a woman's vagina, simulate oral sex, flip everyone the finger and open-mouth kiss a straight man. But it's all OK because he's gay? Ted, what do you think?
—Yvette ML

Dear Hardly:
Lambert's performance was completely edited when the show aired on the West Coast, though. I don't see why people made a big deal about boobgate or Lambert's antics. Like I said, it's a p-e-r-f-o-r-m-a-n-c-e, people (and parents council). If you don't like it, switch the damn channel!

Dear Ted:
I'm kinda dunzo with Alexander Skarsgård. I hate it when celebs tell the press what they think their fans want to hear. Don't parrot a publicist, just be honest or say "no comment." We big girls can handle it, just don't lie. What do you think?
—Mackenzie

Dear One Step Ahead:
What exactly did he do to tick you off, darling? Not own up to prancing out with Kate Bosworth? I wouldn't want to claim that either!

Dear Ted:
Just have to ask, what is the Awful Truth about Robsten? Are they still as committed as they once were, or has fame, PR stress and time worn away the bubble? Something seems to be off...especially with Rob...has he lost interest?
—Curious

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Kevin Mazur/Getty Images; Steve Granitz/Getty Images

"I think she's very strong and classy. I look up to that. She carries herself very well."

—The adorable and genuinely sweet Selena Gomez at the American Music Awards, when we asked what she thought about Rihanna's interview with Diane Sawyer.

All eyes were on Ri-Ri, who also looked stunning. And while we may not have been huge fans of her performance, Selena thought she was great.

We agree with Gomez, though, that Rihanna is a person to look up to, especially after everything she's been through. The judge-y jury is out for you readers, we know, but PR for her album aside, we're glad R spoke publicly (though not as early as we would have liked, but it's Rihanna's decision) about the sad sitch. No doubt she helped at least one girl stuck in a domestic abuse situation, and that's good enough for us.

_________

What are your thoughts on Ri-Ri's new single "Russian Roulette"?

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Any excuse to put up a picture of Natalie Portman is OK by us!

Nat celebrated the premiere of her new flick Brothers and looked absolutely yumma-do-me while doing it. But a little on the thin side, no? Guess that's Hollywood for ya.

Love the hair, love the makeup, love the dress. Her 'do looks classy, while the strapless mini, busty-bouquet number keeps her looking young. We forget the age of this mature Harvard alum sometimes, but we do know that that vibrant blue hue is impeccable.

One thing missing from the party was costar Jake Gyllenhaal.

Is that because he was home playing with his hair?

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Steve Granitz/Getty Images; ABC/RICK ROWELL

Are Rihanna and Drake set to make sweet music together—and then some?

Both Ri-Ri and her rumored boyfriend hit up the American Music Awards...not entirely together. But during commercial breaks, all eyes were on whether the two good-lookin' peeps would get their flirt on. (They didn't, BTW, since they hardly interacted.)

In Hollywood, that could be a sign that something is going on. (Robsten, anyone?)

Here's what we could get outta Drake:

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