The Awful Truth

Frederick Breedon/Getty Images

Despite Carrie Underwood's near-Kanye West moment at the CMA Awards last night, gotta say these babies weren't exactly our cup o' gossipy tea, is that putting it delicately enough? Oh, who cares, let's just say we were hoping for a little bit of drama onstage, Underwood quasi-bitch, notwithstanding.

Nevertheless, we had one of our fabulous E! spies out in Nashville who's feeding us all the gab on what you didn't see go down on the boob tube.

Was Taylor Swift as nice as she very much tries to appear to be? And which babe was acting too big for her botoxed-looking britches?

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Stephan Lovekin/Getty Images, James Devaney/Getty Images, Fame Pictures

There's a rather sexy (though often reviled) gal who's currently toying with her latest partner, perhaps in a dubious way.

Her friends are telling us not only does this ultracelebrated babe know exactly what she's doing with her most recent bedmate, but the nooky pro is qualified to start a damn website for how best to use men and women like they're the latest Prada bags, or something.

So which vet stud-eater is it? Think you're so smart, eh?

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AP Photo/Chris Pizzello

"There are many who want her dead."

—Über-connected Desperate Housewives source, who bitched back at me after I bitched that they should knock off Susan (Teri Hatcher) instead of who we scooped about yesterday. Jeez, is this all just because Hatcher refuses to put a morsel of sustenance in her rail-thin bod? I dare say no.

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Not a DH fan? Here are some other good shows to watch in our 2009 Fall TV Preview.

Suffolk County Police

Dear Ted:
Why is everyone being so hard on Michael Lohan? Obviously leaking those voice mails to the tabloids isn't the best way to go about forcing your daughter to hit rock-bottom, but what else could he do? No other method worked to get her into rehab. Not saying I agree with it 100 percent but hey—leave no stone unturned, right? I say it just may be the push over the edge to get the help she needs. What say you?
—Nichole, Stamford, Conn.

Dear See Your Crazy and Raise You Crazier:
If Michael was really doing it in Lindsay's best interest, sure, I could see your point. But if he really cares he should go over to her house and force the girl into rehab.

Dear Ted:
Was Madonna a subject of a Blind Vice? And do you think Jesus will go Jewish for her?
—Mag

Dear Surprising One:
No, actually, the Queen is exempt. I think Jesus will do whatever the hell she tells him to. He's a sugar baby.

Dear Ted:
I have no doubt in my mind that Robsten is a real couple, and I was loving the hand-holding pics! But their timing for PDA is a little too perfect. I cannot picture Rob or Kristen agreeing to this, but please tell me the paps just got lucky and this was not set up by Summit or one of their reps?
—Sburrow

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Tasos Katopodis/Getty Images

Two of our New Moon faves are Kellan Lutz and Ashley Greene. Lutz, because he's rugged-sexy (more Team Awful's type, sorry Ash) and Greene 'cause she's always such a sweetheart.

With all of the Robsten lovey-dovey stuff, these two babes can get overlooked...which is probably just how they like it.

Seems close friends K & A have just the right amount of fame: They are recognized and can have fun with it, but don't have to stay locked in their hotel rooms.

Let's not forget about Kellan and Ash in our ridiculous New Moon coverage.

Here's what the pair had to say about their star power and inherited fan base, and their witty banter made wonder if there's more there than just being costars?

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Sony Pictures

"Everybody knows they have to die. And I have this theory that deep down in our consciousness we know it came very close to happening in our history."

—2012's mastermind and director, Roland Emmerich, talking about his end o' days baby with John Cusack and Amanda Peet that opens Friday.

Gosh, do you think Roland was referring to when George W. Bush was president? That's certainly the darkest hour that comes to our minds first.

By the way, def see 2012, not only is it the best Cusack's been in eons, the movie's a friggin' pile of blitzed-to-smithereens fun, for sure.

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For your hit-and-miss movie guide head on over to the Lyons Den.

Jason Merritt/Getty Images

As our darling (and far less nefarious) colleague Kristin Dos Santos has spilled along with us, it's getting deadly over on Desperate Housewives' soapy Wisteria Lane. And now we know some of who, exactly, is getting offed.

This is all, of course, for the big finale this season, you know. Something to keep you sipping copious amounts of eggnog throughout the holidays while you wait to see just how all the fortysomething babes cope with the tragic occurrences caused by a plane crash right in front of their pretty picket fences.

Are you ready? BIGASS SPOILER ALERT, 'cause it sure ain't pretty. And it sure ain't who you'd suspect:

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Dominique Charriau/Getty Images

After Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart were finally snapped holding hands yesterday leaving Paris, everyone's wondering—are they coming out? As a couple, that is.

Our Twilight sources are hardly shocked over the PG PDA over in France. They tell us that Robsten were pretty cuddly during their French photo-call at the Crillon Hotel yesterday afternoon, too...

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Mark Sullivan/Getty Images

A lot of people have asked whether we love or hate Nikki Reed. Through all our cryptic coding it's confusing, yes. 

First of all, we don't give people a hard time whom we don't actually enjoy. That certainly includes Nikki. Sure, we'll joust her for her not exactly subtle Robert Pattinson digs (after all, there's lots of drama that did or did not go down with Robki), but at the end of the day, this is a very, very smart girl. And we want to give her credit when due. 

And of course, we have gabs of Nikki musings from the New Moon press party we simply must get to, like what Nik thinks of her legions of haters...

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Tony Barson/Getty Images; Edward Opinaldo/PacificCoastNews.com

Dear Ted:
Can we take a break from the teenage heartthrobs for a bit so I can inquire about a serious actor? One of my faves actually...Benicio del Toro. Ever been a B.V.? Any dirt? I realize he's not the young star du jour (hello R.Pattz) but he's an Academy Award winner and talent is still sexy...right? Thanks!
—Charlotte 

Dear Old School:
Yes, the muy talented Oscar winner is not only a Blind Vice alum, he's also a notorious worshipper of supersexy chicks who wear ever more superhigh stilettos! What is about high heels that turn straight guys on so much? Do they secretly want to wear them? 

Dear Ted:
So first, I wanted to congratulate you for your column, I check it every day. I don't know if this has been asked before but is Toothy Tile Chace Crawford? Because he kinda has the gay vibe going on, doesn't he?
—M_adriana

Dear Chace-ing for T.T.:
Wrong vice for Chacey!

Dear Ted:
I noticed that some of the gossip sites have picked up on the comments made by K.Stew about "I'm with him, I'm not with him, I'm a lesbian"...implying that she is, in fact gay. Do you think she will have to fess up one way or the other? Will Summit wring her neck for that statement? The suits must be s--ting a blue bean. By the way, you seem happier, I am happy for you.
—Sally 

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LIAM DANIEL

Let me just say off the bat, I have never seen High School Musical 1, 2 or 8. I'm one of those people who will automatically dislike someone or something if it's overexposed (except you R.Pattz...heart ya).

That's how I felt about Zac Efron initially. I just didn't get what the hype was about aside from his too perfectly placed hair.

Then I saw Zac do Saturday Night Live, which he rocked, and also saw his schtick on Entourage. That's what made me start to realize he wasn't another teenybopper douche bag and actually had a sense of humor. Hence, when I shamelessly became a Zefron fan.

So I gladly took the opportunity recently to go screen Z.E.'s new film, Me and Orson Welles, otherwise known as the movie where Zac Efron tries to act.

Here's what you can expect:

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Kimberly French/ Summit Entertainment

"We didn't know what this would become, in a way. We were just actors who fell in love with a script, and within doing that...It's not like a Marvel hero where you know Green Lantern or Captain America, whoever it is, is gonna be famous right off the block. With us, we fell in love with our characters and kind of looked at this as just another job."

—Kellan Lutz refreshingly thanks the Twi-hards for what he's been gifted. After all, since Kel literally has two lines in New Moon, he's gotta be grateful for the avid fan base. Oh, whatever. We could watch buff-boy Lutz read the phonebook for all we care

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Check out some pics of our fave vamps in our New Moon: World Tour Madness gallery!