The Awful Truth

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With all the microscopic media attention mainly on Tiger Woods these days, let's not forget there other public types who like to get their naughty on:

Leonardo DiCaprio, who still looks scrumptious, was hitting up the new L.A. hot spot Voyeur Thursday night. Leo was in major get-it-on mode, looking very single and very ready to mingle.

He was wearing his signature baseball cap and chatting it up with a few good-looking girls who seemed thrilled beyond belief the semi stud was slobbering all over them.

Fame, ain't it always the perfect seducer?

L.D. was there with...

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Our guilty pleasures, Kim and Khloé Kardashian, are here for a special edition of Truth, Lies & Ted! Join the sexy sisters as they weigh in with Ted on who has been naughty and nice in 2009. They keep it very interesting as usual, so check it out!

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Keep up with the Kardashians on E!.

AP Photo/Christophe Ena

After Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart's successful private date night, we're feeling even better about Robsten's current status. Aren't you?

We're superglad these overworked kids have caught a break from the flashbulbs as of late and been able to successfully evade, well, us, for a bit (but certainly not always).

Unfortunately, what happens when the two are MIA is the tabs and A.T. message boards go crazy with ridiculous "Rob and Kristen hate each other" stuff, and there's always a new gal Rob is linked to. Even his manager, Stephanie Ritz, has been victim of supposedly falling under R.Pattz's spell. Yeah right.

So does Kristen have anything to worry about? Who are you most concerned will crawl all over Rob, say, Megan Fox style?

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All the ladies go nuts over Rob! Check him out in the If Looks Could Kill gallery!

No wonder so many gay men are gossip columnists: All these supposedly "straight" stars are constantly cruising us (and our friends) for sex!

And the latest celeb to daringly do so is one of the biggest, hunkiest vampire sensations out there right now. So much so, even I was shocked when a bud of mine, who gets off hunting around Griffith Park—a notorious area of L.A. where homosexual sex in the woods is rampant and a constant annoyance to the police—enjoyed what you're about to read.

Nelly Fang is as hot as he is adored by his millions of fans. His smoldering looks are talked about just as much as (if not more so than) his red-hot acting talents.

Nelly simply smolders onscreen, what with his trance-like gaze and lithe, mildly muscled bod, which he keeps in shape by jogging through Griffith Park, wearing shorts but no...

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Carlos Alvarez/Getty Images

Scarlett Johansson looked dashing as she braved our L.A. winter earlier this week.

ScarJo, wearing no makeup and still glowing, was snuggling up to a man in the elevator of the Century City shopping mall to keep her warm.

So who was it? Not hubby Ryan Reynolds...

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Flynet

Dear Ted:
I always thought that Taylor Swift would like Robert Pattinson more that Taylor Lautner. I'm starting to wonder if Taylor is secretly some sort of a cradle robber or she could even be a cougar. I know there's only a three-year age difference, but jeez!
—Patience 

Dear Overanalyzing:
Yeah, she's such a cougar...not. She's in the age-range where three or so years difference is certainly fair game. Hell, guys do it all the time! Rob and Kristen anyone?

Dear Ted:
What's the problem with the name-calling? I'm a female, and I don't have a problem with the Tiger's mistresses being called whores. That's what they are. And Tiger. I mean, they went into sex or relationship knowing he was married and had a family. Most people stop there. To go for it because he's rich and you'll get money makes them more like...well...prostitutes to me. Having sex and expecting some form of compensation. People give it a rest. Yes, he had sex and he cheated. Fine. But these women knew what they were getting into. I kinda feel sorry for the "first" girl that came out, but she's right in there as well. I only feel sorry for Elin. Love your blolumn. Stay sassy!
—Vanessa

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Undercover lovers Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart were spotted out together in Venice Beach yesterday, escaping the shutterbugs and enjoying a private date night. Take that, all you Robsten haters!

While everyone seems so hell-bent on having Rob hook up with the likes of Katy Perry (just because they're photographed at an event, please), a source spills to us that Robsten was dining at Gjelina restaurant on Abbot Kinney before scoping out the fab A. Kinney Court opening next door.

Says our insider who attended the party:

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AP Photo/Peter Kramer, Jemel Countess/Getty Images

Sorry, Jennifer Aniston. Seems like Bradley Cooper and Renée Zellweger are still going, and going...strong?

The supposed couple were just spotted in Venice Beach looking at a prime piece of real estate together!

So are the Coop and Renée looking to take their relaysh to the next level?

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Gregg DeGuire/Picture Group via AP Images; Kevin Parry/Getty Images

Uh-oh, Robsten fans! We've got good news and bad news. Which do you want first?

As was deliciously reported on Tuesday, Robert Pattinson and his costar Emilie de Ravin were doing an "edgy" photo shoot for Vogue at LACMA together to promote their upcoming flick Remember Me.

This, of course, sent some Twi fans into a fury, 'cause we remember how hot Rob and Kristen's shoot for Harper's Bazaar was.

So do R.Pattz and De Ravin have the same heat?

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Jason Kempin/Getty Images, E! Networks

This is getting almost comical: The law looked into Tiger Woods' dubious behavior, wife Elin's ditching her ring and the famed golfer's losing his endorsements, too! Now some of Tiger's own sports buds are, albeit reluctantly, beginning to add fuel to the media fire by trashing the golfing legend's taste in female company:

"It's just getting so much worse, day after day," complained a colleague and friend to Tiger, who begged us to remain anon. "The man had horrible taste in women! His wife was prettier than just about all of them put together."

Want to hear something even more damning from Tigerville?

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Dear Ted:
Wow, my respect for you went down a great deal when I saw you list Natalie Portman as a good role model. She publicly backs freeing Roman Polanski—you know, the man who drugged, raped and sodomized a child? She is no role model for either gender to look up to, and especially not women. Badly done, Ted.
—E.T.

Dear Pissed-Off Portman:
While I completely agree with you, not Natalie, on the Polanski stuff, I won't write a person off just because I totally disagree with certain beliefs. Natalie's a well-spoken, Harvard-educated woman who's managed to make a career for herself without being a bitch or losing who she is. Those are some of her qualities which I think she can be admired for.

Dear Ted:
Can't you start a petition to stop Melissa Rosenberg from writing the next Twilight picture? What is wrong with those guys at Summit, they have changed directors three times now, why not the boring screenwriter? She really is the pits. I dread Eclipse; I wonder how much of that book she will miss.
—Margaret

Dear Writers Block:
I'm with ya, doll. Does Stephenie Meyer have it in her contract or something Rosenberg needs to be the permanent writer? 'Cause seriously, not sure why Melissa is still on board. Hardwicke wasn't the problem with the first Twilight movie. Just sayin'.

Dear Ted:
Thank you for cleaning up the posts in the last B.B. site (it went from over 1000 to around 850). The vulgarity, cursing and nastiness is extremely unsettling. Posters discuss their sex lives, and Robsten's, in pornographic detail. Name calling is rife. Hate is endlessly spewed. Perhaps some sort of policing can be put into place so that the few nasty posters (they are small in number but repost many times under different monikers) can be banned from A.T. There are a great many posters who are insightful to read and I enjoy having an online discussion with them, but the nasty ones ruin all the fun. I'm sure if you print this, those same posters will ask why did I read them, just skip over them, but you don't know what you are reading until you are almost halfway through their filth. Thanks for listening.
—Annie

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AP Photo/Michael A. Mariant

Of course, we've been talking about it for ages, how Gyllenspoon had all the sexuality and warmth of a microwaved, day-old mocha latte.

And now, sadly, Jake Gyllenhaal and Reese Witherspoon have officially parted company.

Well, according to our inside Jake and Reese sources, this already happened so long ago you might even say they were practically never together! But maybe that's taking things too far—you know how we gossips can exaggerate.

Much more important is timing:

Why in the ef did Gyllenspoon pull this split stunt right before Jake's Prince of Persia, the girliest he-man movie ever made, is about to arrive?

I mean, come on: Even Toothy Tile—our Blind Vice superstar who knows a thing or two about spinning love and romance to help his career—knows that you gotta have a girl by your side to help sell a flick that ticket buyers are supposed to stuff down their gullets with Milk Duds, right?

Toothy never would have pulled such a dumb maneuver as leaving his fake GF right before he had a movie coming out—come on, get real.

Tile would have kept it going just long enough to sell that stinker in the press, then split with the "girlfriend" discreetly on down the line. Who the hell's going to go as Jake's People magazine-adoring dream date, now?

That stupid undersea creature Jake just appeared on Sesame Street with while, ironies of ironies mind you, helping to explain the word separate is another media misfire T.T. would never have been caught dead—or lisping—doing?

Actually that escort makes perfect sense to moi, as the damn octopus had tons more chemistry with Gyllenhaal than Witherspoon ever did. Does that make me a cold fish to say?

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For more cranky crap check out our Morning Piss section.