The Awful Truth

AP Photo/Mark J. Terrill, Pool

Dear Ted:
Don't bet on Graceland West. I was working in the Los Olivos area during the Staples event, and while talking with residents, it became clear there's vehement opposition to the possibility of Neverland becoming a major attraction—and these people have the money and connections to block it. Access is a major issue certainly, but one neighbor pointed out to me that there are two boarding schools that share the road leading to the property. When I heard that it gave me a chill.
–Duncan Denise

Dear Graceland 2.0:
Those residents might have money, but fandom can be quite powerful. Plus, we're sure Joe Jackson wouldn't mind somehow getting his paws on all the cash that would come from opening Neverland up to the public.

Dear Ted:
Did anyone else notice that when Michael Jackson's daughter, Paris, spoke at his memorial, not one member of the Jackson family comforted her? Oh, they pretended to, but generally they adjusted the microphone, hovered and got in the camera shot, but no one truly comforted the child who was obviously distraught. Hope someone steps up to the plate soon and continues even when the camera's are off.
–Cathy

Dear Poor Paris:
Were we watching the same show? (Er, I mean memorial.) She looked comforted onstage to me, but backstage may have been a different story. 

Dear Ted:
Terry Tush-Trade is Ashley Greene—slim, hot and badass. Her bisexual lover is Jackson Rathbone and they were brought together by Catherine Hardwicke. Right?
–Monna

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Deana Newcomb/ Summit Entertainment

It's no secret we love our Robsten here at the A.T. And we're Twilight fans, too (just wish there was a tad more sex, a little less staring). However, we were floored when some of these tats floating around Twitter caught our attention.

So we have to ask you self-professed shippers—would you go that far?

Frank Micelotta/Getty Images; Michael Bezjian/Getty Images

There are so many friggin' rumors circling our dear Robsten, we can barely keep track of them. Some are just absolutely ridiculous, like Kristen Stewart with a bun in her incredibly flat oven. Please! If you're just making up crap outta thin air, at least make it interesting! We dished with K.Stew's onscreen pops, Billy Burke, at the Angels & Aces Poker party at the Playboy Mansion, and he gave us the inside scoop on all these nasty rumors, which he's more than happy to not be a part of:

So Kristen was reportedly pregnant, which we cleared up and showed to be totally false.

Rob is probably pregnant with my child. It's funny no one picked up on me and Rob's affair.

Do you wish you were more involved in rumors like your younger costars?

I don't feel left out at all. They can keep me out of those rumors as much as they want.

How do you think Rob's handling all this attention? He seems stressed out on the set of his new movie, Remember Me... Think R.Pattz would ever get totally fed up with it and quit acting altogether?

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Jun Sato/Getty Images; Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty Images

We adore the kids from Harry Potter, without question (after all, it's because of H.P. that Robert Pattinson first stepped into the spotlight!). But seeing the gaggle of some-hot, some-not young stars step out at the premiere of the sixth film makes us reminisce of another young crew at a big H'wood opening.

We remember (quite fondly, of course) when our favorite Twilight castmembers made their debut at the premiere of their film last year. In just one picture, there was sex, there was scandal and there was hot, hot, mouth-watering woo, especially between Rob and Kristen, natch.

Sure, the H.P. kids are comely in that wow-look-how-much-they've-matured-since-the-first-movie kind of way; Emma Watson and Daniel Radcliffe have come into their own and look fresh enough. But where's the smoldering, steamy friction that should be exuding off their bods? Where are the piercing eyes, the sexy smiles and the promiscuous expressions that our Twilight brood has in friggin' spades?

Nowhere, that's where.

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GVK/LAURENT/bauergriffinonline.com

Dear Ted:
I don't know if your latest post (Addictionary) did more good or harm to Kristen Stewart. Bless her heart. That is one tough cookie, and I for one am glad she knows how to use her middle finger. Mine would have calluses by now. This is a lady who will go far in life. She has just the right amount of femininity and kick ass. Rob is one lucky boy!
—Jennifer

Dear Spunky Stewart:
Oh, I know Kristen can handle all the unnecessary crap that's coming her way. I just needed a good word to describe it. She can take everything we can throw, fer sure. 

Dear Ted:
What do you think of Sarah Palin's latest shenanigans? Do you think she really has a shot at becoming president in 2012 or later, like some of the GOP pundits are saying? Or is she fated to become a female Rush Limbaugh? Also any news on why she quit?
—Ellen

Dear Chanceless:
Sarah stands as good of a chance at being president in 2012 as Robsten do of becoming prez and vice prez. Not a bad idea, actually. Should Kristen be president while she lets Rob Pattinson have the easier, cushier time of it? By the way, Palin quit because she's deranged and because she knows the knives are out for her big time, she wanted to head them off at the scandal-laden pass, as it were.

Dear Ted:
My daughter's roommate mentioned today that she gets all of her gossip from Perez Hilton, especially the Twilight stuff. After I calmed myself down and after laughing hysterically, I informed her that his gossip comes exclusively from my main man, Ted, and she needs to get the goods from the A.T. and not some second-hand source. They are only 19, just college kids, but they need to learn gossip the correct way, right?
—Annie

Dear One Way:
I'll let it slide, just this once.

Dear Ted:
Not that she's obligated to the public or anything, and also, I am aware that Farrah Fawcett also died that day, but I haven't heard or read anything from Tatum O'Neal about Michael Jackson's death. If someone writes a song about you, a comment might be in order. Whaddya think?
—Jules

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Flynet

Kristin Cavallari and Stephanie Pratt, swooping down on Compartes Chocolatier in Brentwood on a Friday afternoon with—natch!—a camera crew in tow.

Ya think any outings between these two would go undocumented? Unlikely.

A source says K.C. was "supernice," despite her mean-girl reality-TV persona, and added the "superskinny" stars weren't afraid to devour a big ol' plate of chocolates, marshmallows and gelato. Riveting TV, folks, we know you can't wait.

One gal who actually works for her paycheck as opposed to just going shopping was...

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We already told you to skip seeing Brüno this weekend, which has become some big-budget, mass-marketed, pansy-baiting event that misses its main purpose—being funny. Instead, check out the above skewering of Brüno in That's Gay, a minisegment on Current TV's infoMania show, which is infinitely sharper and far less obvious than Sacha Baron Cohen's pandering, schtick-heavy flick.

By the way, gotta wonder how many millions were wasted on making Brüno...

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INFPhoto.com; Terry Richardson for GQ Magazine

The question about whether or not Megan Fox runs her mouth purely for attention got us thinking: Is this girl really that out there all the time? Or is she truly an Angelina Jolie in the making—just one crafty babe who knows how to market herself?

On one hand, M.F. has already been engaged and unengaged to Brian Austin Green, and was mature enough to pick up his baggage. Meg absolutely adores playing mom to Brian's son—which is half the reason they still get together from time to time. Doesn't exactly scream raging, hypersexual bisexual, does it?

So we sat down with our Foxy insider to see what the gal is really like. A slut? A marketing genius? Totally down to earth?

Read on to find out:

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INFphoto.com

Halle Berry, spotted with her whole gorgeous fam in tow in Miami. The Berry bunch hung in the Miami Design District, shopping for furniture. (No IKEA for this couple!)

Halle wore a black sundress, her BF Gabriel wore a gray T-shirt and shorts, but their fabbest accessory was their adorable baby Nahla. They also had a male designer-type with them, showing them around the place.

They were "looking beautiful and super-friendly" in the store, says our source who couldn't get enough of the presh trifecta. When Hal & Co. went to leave, they had to go back inside because it started pouring on them. Are they leaving H'wood and moving to Fla. for good? Why do all the good ones always leave, while Lohan refuses to go away?

 One superstar away from home, too, was...

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No Credit

Our superfamous naughty couple today is by no means as interesting as Hard-Nipple Nick and his megastar wife. Quite the opposite, in fact. Sorry! But get this:

It's high time everybody met Jerry Rock-Butt and Chutney Jones—an insanely gorgeous duo. The stars (one A-List, one B-List, sorta) have been dating for a couple of years now and they're the epitome of dull, dull, dull. Bland expressions when they're out together, same routine dinners, blah blah and more blah. Yech, already.

But it wasn't always that way, we assure you:

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Pool Photographer/Getty Images, Sgranitz/Getty Images

Michael Jackson's dermatologist, Dr. Arnie Klein, opened up on Larry King, doing a horrible job of claiming innocence. "I told him specifically the dangers of Diprivan," said Klein. "I told him this drug was very dangerous. He assured me he stopped." The doc admitted that he used sedatives on Jackson, but never prescribed him anything stronger than Demerol.

So he's saying Diprivan is dangerous, but Demerol's not? Klein's talking about Demerol like it's friggin' aspirin or something. We spoke to Dr. Daniel Landau, M.D., who definitely begs to differ: "I have never used Demerol because of how addictive it is," says Landau.

"You get a high off of it," he continues, saying Demerol highs last longer than morphine, about seven or eight hours. "I'd be stunned if you found a doctor who would give you Demerol still."

Dr. Klein, turns out, is one such doctor. Read on for more shocking info from Landau...

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Just how much skin are Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart going to show in the fourth Twilight flick, Breaking Dawn? And is the always lovely Anna Faris planning to get sexy with her fiancé totally alone…when they elope? Plus, I'm supercranky today with diva Tyra and friggin' Michael Jackson's druggy doctors in the new Truth, Lies & Ted.