The Awful Truth

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Supposedly a text message from John Mayer was the final straw in Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo's already rocky relationship. Radar Online reports that Tony dumped Jess on the spot when he picked up her phone, only to find that she'd been chatting back and forth with stinky J.M.

The goss earlier this year was that Tony's eye was wandering, too, which we heard was not true, so maybe Romo is one to get super-pissed if his gal is still in cahoots with her ex-lovah.

Could Jennifer Aniston's leftovers really be trying to get back with his former flame?

A friend of John's speaks out:

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Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart have been slaving away for the greater good (their movies) recently, rather than for each other. Rob's supposedly in lockdown on the set of Remember Me—more on that later—trying his best to get wrapped before flying out to promote New Moon at Comic-Con next week.

So is he on track to make it back to Cali? And will Kristen, who has a bit more filming to go on The Runaways, be able to skedaddle down to San Diego on time?

Yes and yes, but did we mention we have details on the hotel arrangements?

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Hippie chic has obviously been the in trend for a while now, but some stars just don't know how to pull it off. Especially when the gal in question looks like she just got lost digging through Cheech and Chong's closet. Think you know which Hollywood "trendsetter" looked totally out of it and age-inappropriate while shopping at the vintage store Hernandez Furniture?

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The Hills has just started filming its first Lauren Conrad-less season, and if Kristin Cavallari and Stephanie Pratt chocolate-tasting is any indication of what's in store, it's going to be the most spellbinding, mesmerizing season yet.

We're totally on the edge of our seats wondering what other mundane tasks lie ahead for the MTV crew. Hillsite Brody Jenner dished about the show at the Aces & Angels Poker event at the Playboy Mansion, as well as his relaysh with his girlfriend and Playmate of the Year, Jayde Nicole. Brode, you're supposed to bring a date who'll be impressed you're bringing them to the Playboy Mansion, not somebody who's already been there, done that, spread that, shot that.

Are you worried about ruining your relationship by having your girlfriend appear on your TV show?
Back at the house relaxing, we don't talk about The Hills. We keep our business and personal life completely separate.

That's strange! Being that you're on an alleged reality show about your day-to-day life. That's incredible that the two don't overlap! Anyway, how will The Hills be different with Kristen Cavallari instead of Lauren Conrad?
She's wild! I think Kristin is a great addition to the show—her and Lauren have completely different personalities. It'll be a good change.

Sure will! K.C. goes back to what she does best—shopping in front of an audience—and L.C.'s on her way to being the next J.K. Rowling. Any thoughts on her book L.A. Candy?

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Dear Ted:
You say Sean Penn is pathetic, but what about David Duchovny? He's as pathetic, even more pathetic that Penn, I'd say. He's stupid for not setting up with Gillian Anderson and coming back to Téa Leoni instead. I can't believe he's into that fake marriage again. I thought he was getting a divorce? I was starting to admire him again when I read your stuff about Gillovny. I totally think Gillian and David make a great couple and they do love each other for real. I'm tired of the same David and Téa s--t again. Their attitude cannot be good for their kids.
—Cris

Dear Old Habits Die Hard:
You're right, David and Sean are both pretty damn slimy. This is what makes other guys out there think it's totally acceptable to step out on a wife or girlfriend, 'cause they are always taken back! Women do the same and they're sluts.  

Dear Ted:
Will Earth actually stop rotating if there is one day without Twilight and overrated Robert Pattinson posts? Try it and let's see!
—In the dark about that whole Twilight thing

Dear New Gloom:
The world might not stop, but my inbox would overflow. Give Twi a chance—it's way more fun than any Lindsay, Paris or Jessica Simpson shenanigans. Don't you agree? 

Dear Ted:
Three questions actually: (1) You have used the word "fiery" to describe Robsten on two separate occasions since your Fourth of July post. Are you hinting that Rob Pattinson and Kristen Stewart actually did have a secret rendezvous that weekend? (2) You have alluded to R.P. and K.S. having "dating rules." Do they really, and what are they? (3) How much drama and secret controversy can a 19-year-old and 23-year-old who have been dating for less than six months (or so) have? Can you spill at least one thing? Thanks. P.S.: My daughter and I will be picking up an orangey-cinnamon tabby at the local shelter tomorrow. He is missing one ear and has several scars where fur will never grow. We fell in love with him the minute we saw him. I am naming him Teddy. Thanks.
—Ann

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When this picture of Gossip Girl star Ed Westwick turned up, we knew we just had to say something about it:

When the hell did Ed turn into such a steamy stud-morsel?

He's always been a low-key hottie on G.G., but with the fire exuding from his chiseled jaw, maybe some of that heat will translate into a more passionate relationship with semi-boring girlfriend Jessica Szohr? This mouthwatering piece of cutie candy is easily the best-dressed hunk on TV, and for some reason, we're only just realizing it now. Whuh happened?

Maybe all the overexposure femme glamazon Chace Crawford has had recently diverted our attention from this alternate Gossip hottie, dunno. But look, no chick wants to bed a guy whose hair takes longer to fix than hers (sorry, Chace-babe), and there's something classy, intriguing and just plain rugged about Ed that makes him so friggin' appealing lately. Plus, he's got more style than most of the unfortunate wannabes we see wandering about H'wood nowadays. Pricey dress shirts never looked so damn delish!

AP Photo/Chris Miller; AP Photo/Charles Rex Arbogast

I'm so absolutely loving the back-and-forth bitchiness between Sarah Palin and former future son-in-law Levi Johnston. Which one will out-attention-whore the other? Palin with her book deal, or Johntson with his shirtless GQ spread and numerous movie offers? It could seriously go either way!

In fact, where's that reality show, the one chronicling the competition between S.P. and L.J.? That's the only way we'd enjoy seeing Palin back on our TV screens. Bring on the sassy, over-the-top political stuff, as opposed to this mommy-daddy, overbreeding merde that's devolved into pure schtick. Oh, and way classy move, Jon Gosselin, for using the money you made selling out your kids to take your 22-year-old girlfriend to St. Tropez. You and just-as-gentlemanly Tony Romo should hang out.

Plus, at least Levi is friggin' cute (and cut) to boot—a lot friendlier to stare at than Daddy Gosselin in his d-bag Ed Hardy wear. He certainly won't have to worry about having a ninth kid if he continues wearing that crap. No woman will wanna go near him.

But Sarah and Levi? See, they're still both pretty doable. In fact, I propose that Palin leave that girlie hubby of hers and hook up with Levi. Now that's a show that would go through the ratings roof. So where is it?

No Credit

Crawley McNugget is back, but don't worry, his sleaziness hasn't gone anywhere. Remember Crawley? The little TV star that could? He racks up bedroom conquests about as fast as he blows the lines out at night. After all, when are sex and drugs not one in the same in this skanky town of Hollywood? FYI: Because of the drug factor previously mentioned, that's why we can't just reveal to you all who this seemingly not-so nice guy is, but since we're feeling kind today, we'll offer superfab clues.

'Cause C.M. has now schlepped his schlong and STDs to the perfect place, teaming with fellow and impressive sluts: Vegas.

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ANG/Fame Pictures/ Lisa O'Connor/ZUMA Press

What's with the media tracking down a celeb's private attempts at getting his crap together? It's really a matter of taste and respect, something the media rarely finds itself capable of distinguishing, myself included, at times.

Robert Downey Jr., once Palm Spring's and Malibu's most darling and deranged addict, has been doing his best to remain clean and sober these past few years—via an anonymous organization that helps such desires.

What business is it of the media's to think suddenly the word anonymous applies to everyone but them? Like they've got a private pass into every orifice and corner of a public figure's life just because they're the press? That's bulls--t, and nobody more than Lindsay Lohan has helped create the false impression that the media has any place at anonymous gatherings—what with Lohan dangling her sobriety chips for the cameras and practically holding press conferences there. And all while other members who hold anonymity sacred walk by! Jeez, L.L., you must be high or something.

No wonder reporters track down celebrities trying to get it together, with loser antics like Lohan's all over the place. Still doesn't make it right.

Leave Downey Jr. alone, everybody.

AP Photo/Mark J. Terrill, Pool

Dear Ted:
Don't bet on Graceland West. I was working in the Los Olivos area during the Staples event, and while talking with residents, it became clear there's vehement opposition to the possibility of Neverland becoming a major attraction—and these people have the money and connections to block it. Access is a major issue certainly, but one neighbor pointed out to me that there are two boarding schools that share the road leading to the property. When I heard that it gave me a chill.
–Duncan Denise

Dear Graceland 2.0:
Those residents might have money, but fandom can be quite powerful. Plus, we're sure Joe Jackson wouldn't mind somehow getting his paws on all the cash that would come from opening Neverland up to the public.

Dear Ted:
Did anyone else notice that when Michael Jackson's daughter, Paris, spoke at his memorial, not one member of the Jackson family comforted her? Oh, they pretended to, but generally they adjusted the microphone, hovered and got in the camera shot, but no one truly comforted the child who was obviously distraught. Hope someone steps up to the plate soon and continues even when the camera's are off.
–Cathy

Dear Poor Paris:
Were we watching the same show? (Er, I mean memorial.) She looked comforted onstage to me, but backstage may have been a different story.

Dear Ted:
Terry Tush-Trade is Ashley Greene—slim, hot and badass. Her bisexual lover is Jackson Rathbone and they were brought together by Catherine Hardwicke. Right?
–Monna

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It's no secret we love our Robsten here at the A.T. And we're Twilight fans, too (just wish there was a tad more sex, a little less staring). However, we were floored when some of these tats floating around Twitter caught our attention.

So we have to ask you self-professed shippers—would you go that far?

Frank Micelotta/Getty Images; Michael Bezjian/Getty Images

There are so many friggin' rumors circling our dear Robsten, we can barely keep track of them. Some are just absolutely ridiculous, like Kristen Stewart with a bun in her incredibly flat oven. Please! If you're just making up crap outta thin air, at least make it interesting! We dished with K.Stew's onscreen pops, Billy Burke, at the Angels & Aces Poker party at the Playboy Mansion, and he gave us the inside scoop on all these nasty rumors, which he's more than happy to not be a part of:

So Kristen was reportedly pregnant, which we cleared up and showed to be totally false.

Rob is probably pregnant with my child. It's funny no one picked up on me and Rob's affair.

Do you wish you were more involved in rumors like your younger costars?

I don't feel left out at all. They can keep me out of those rumors as much as they want.

How do you think Rob's handling all this attention? He seems stressed out on the set of his new movie, Remember Me... Think R.Pattz would ever get totally fed up with it and quit acting altogether?

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