The Awful Truth

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Hippie chic has obviously been the in trend for a while now, but some stars just don't know how to pull it off. Especially when the gal in question looks like she just got lost digging through Cheech and Chong's closet. Think you know which Hollywood "trendsetter" looked totally out of it and age-inappropriate while shopping at the vintage store Hernandez Furniture?

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The Hills has just started filming its first Lauren Conrad-less season, and if Kristin Cavallari and Stephanie Pratt chocolate-tasting is any indication of what's in store, it's going to be the most spellbinding, mesmerizing season yet.

We're totally on the edge of our seats wondering what other mundane tasks lie ahead for the MTV crew. Hillsite Brody Jenner dished about the show at the Aces & Angels Poker event at the Playboy Mansion, as well as his relaysh with his girlfriend and Playmate of the Year, Jayde Nicole. Brode, you're supposed to bring a date who'll be impressed you're bringing them to the Playboy Mansion, not somebody who's already been there, done that, spread that, shot that.

Are you worried about ruining your relationship by having your girlfriend appear on your TV show?
Back at the house relaxing, we don't talk about The Hills. We keep our business and personal life completely separate.

That's strange! Being that you're on an alleged reality show about your day-to-day life. That's incredible that the two don't overlap! Anyway, how will The Hills be different with Kristen Cavallari instead of Lauren Conrad?
She's wild! I think Kristin is a great addition to the show—her and Lauren have completely different personalities. It'll be a good change.

Sure will! K.C. goes back to what she does best—shopping in front of an audience—and L.C.'s on her way to being the next J.K. Rowling. Any thoughts on her book L.A. Candy?

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AP Photo/Chris Miller; AP Photo/Charles Rex Arbogast

I'm so absolutely loving the back-and-forth bitchiness between Sarah Palin and former future son-in-law Levi Johnston. Which one will out-attention-whore the other? Palin with her book deal, or Johntson with his shirtless GQ spread and numerous movie offers? It could seriously go either way!

In fact, where's that reality show, the one chronicling the competition between S.P. and L.J.? That's the only way we'd enjoy seeing Palin back on our TV screens. Bring on the sassy, over-the-top political stuff, as opposed to this mommy-daddy, overbreeding merde that's devolved into pure schtick. Oh, and way classy move, Jon Gosselin, for using the money you made selling out your kids to take your 22-year-old girlfriend to St. Tropez. You and just-as-gentlemanly Tony Romo should hang out.

Plus, at least Levi is friggin' cute (and cut) to boot—a lot friendlier to stare at than Daddy Gosselin in his d-bag Ed Hardy wear. He certainly won't have to worry about having a ninth kid if he continues wearing that crap. No woman will wanna go near him.

But Sarah and Levi? See, they're still both pretty doable. In fact, I propose that Palin leave that girlie hubby of hers and hook up with Levi. Now that's a show that would go through the ratings roof. So where is it?

No Credit

Crawley McNugget is back, but don't worry, his sleaziness hasn't gone anywhere. Remember Crawley? The little TV star that could? He racks up bedroom conquests about as fast as he blows the lines out at night. After all, when are sex and drugs not one in the same in this skanky town of Hollywood? FYI: Because of the drug factor previously mentioned, that's why we can't just reveal to you all who this seemingly not-so nice guy is, but since we're feeling kind today, we'll offer superfab clues.

'Cause C.M. has now schlepped his schlong and STDs to the perfect place, teaming with fellow and impressive sluts: Vegas.

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What's with the media tracking down a celeb's private attempts at getting his crap together? It's really a matter of taste and respect, something the media rarely finds itself capable of distinguishing, myself included, at times.

Robert Downey Jr., once Palm Spring's and Malibu's most darling and deranged addict, has been doing his best to remain clean and sober these past few years—via an anonymous organization that helps such desires.

What business is it of the media's to think suddenly the word anonymous applies to everyone but them? Like they've got a private pass into every orifice and corner of a public figure's life just because they're the press? That's bulls--t, and nobody more than Lindsay Lohan has helped create the false impression that the media has any place at anonymous gatherings—what with Lohan dangling her sobriety chips for the cameras and practically holding press conferences there. And all while other members who hold anonymity sacred walk by! Jeez, L.L., you must be high or something.

No wonder reporters track down celebrities trying to get it together, with loser antics like Lohan's all over the place. Still doesn't make it right.

Leave Downey Jr. alone, everybody.

AP Photo/Mark J. Terrill, Pool

Dear Ted:
Don't bet on Graceland West. I was working in the Los Olivos area during the Staples event, and while talking with residents, it became clear there's vehement opposition to the possibility of Neverland becoming a major attraction—and these people have the money and connections to block it. Access is a major issue certainly, but one neighbor pointed out to me that there are two boarding schools that share the road leading to the property. When I heard that it gave me a chill.
–Duncan Denise

Dear Graceland 2.0:
Those residents might have money, but fandom can be quite powerful. Plus, we're sure Joe Jackson wouldn't mind somehow getting his paws on all the cash that would come from opening Neverland up to the public.

Dear Ted:
Did anyone else notice that when Michael Jackson's daughter, Paris, spoke at his memorial, not one member of the Jackson family comforted her? Oh, they pretended to, but generally they adjusted the microphone, hovered and got in the camera shot, but no one truly comforted the child who was obviously distraught. Hope someone steps up to the plate soon and continues even when the camera's are off.
–Cathy

Dear Poor Paris:
Were we watching the same show? (Er, I mean memorial.) She looked comforted onstage to me, but backstage may have been a different story.

Dear Ted:
Terry Tush-Trade is Ashley Greene—slim, hot and badass. Her bisexual lover is Jackson Rathbone and they were brought together by Catherine Hardwicke. Right?
–Monna

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It's no secret we love our Robsten here at the A.T. And we're Twilight fans, too (just wish there was a tad more sex, a little less staring). However, we were floored when some of these tats floating around Twitter caught our attention.

So we have to ask you self-professed shippers—would you go that far?

Frank Micelotta/Getty Images; Michael Bezjian/Getty Images

There are so many friggin' rumors circling our dear Robsten, we can barely keep track of them. Some are just absolutely ridiculous, like Kristen Stewart with a bun in her incredibly flat oven. Please! If you're just making up crap outta thin air, at least make it interesting! We dished with K.Stew's onscreen pops, Billy Burke, at the Angels & Aces Poker party at the Playboy Mansion, and he gave us the inside scoop on all these nasty rumors, which he's more than happy to not be a part of:

So Kristen was reportedly pregnant, which we cleared up and showed to be totally false.

Rob is probably pregnant with my child. It's funny no one picked up on me and Rob's affair.

Do you wish you were more involved in rumors like your younger costars?

I don't feel left out at all. They can keep me out of those rumors as much as they want.

How do you think Rob's handling all this attention? He seems stressed out on the set of his new movie, Remember Me... Think R.Pattz would ever get totally fed up with it and quit acting altogether?

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We adore the kids from Harry Potter, without question (after all, it's because of H.P. that Robert Pattinson first stepped into the spotlight!). But seeing the gaggle of some-hot, some-not young stars step out at the premiere of the sixth film makes us reminisce of another young crew at a big H'wood opening.

We remember (quite fondly, of course) when our favorite Twilight castmembers made their debut at the premiere of their film last year. In just one picture, there was sex, there was scandal and there was hot, hot, mouth-watering woo, especially between Rob and Kristen, natch.

Sure, the H.P. kids are comely in that wow-look-how-much-they've-matured-since-the-first-movie kind of way; Emma Watson and Daniel Radcliffe have come into their own and look fresh enough. But where's the smoldering, steamy friction that should be exuding off their bods? Where are the piercing eyes, the sexy smiles and the promiscuous expressions that our Twilight brood has in friggin' spades?

Nowhere, that's where.

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Dear Ted:
I don't know if your latest post (Addictionary) did more good or harm to Kristen Stewart. Bless her heart. That is one tough cookie, and I for one am glad she knows how to use her middle finger. Mine would have calluses by now. This is a lady who will go far in life. She has just the right amount of femininity and kick ass. Rob is one lucky boy!
—Jennifer

Dear Spunky Stewart:
Oh, I know Kristen can handle all the unnecessary crap that's coming her way. I just needed a good word to describe it. She can take everything we can throw, fer sure. 

Dear Ted:
What do you think of Sarah Palin's latest shenanigans? Do you think she really has a shot at becoming president in 2012 or later, like some of the GOP pundits are saying? Or is she fated to become a female Rush Limbaugh? Also any news on why she quit?
—Ellen

Dear Chanceless:
Sarah stands as good of a chance at being president in 2012 as Robsten do of becoming prez and vice prez. Not a bad idea, actually. Should Kristen be president while she lets Rob Pattinson have the easier, cushier time of it? By the way, Palin quit because she's deranged and because she knows the knives are out for her big time, she wanted to head them off at the scandal-laden pass, as it were.

Dear Ted:
My daughter's roommate mentioned today that she gets all of her gossip from Perez Hilton, especially the Twilight stuff. After I calmed myself down and after laughing hysterically, I informed her that his gossip comes exclusively from my main man, Ted, and she needs to get the goods from the A.T. and not some second-hand source. They are only 19, just college kids, but they need to learn gossip the correct way, right?
—Annie

Dear One Way:
I'll let it slide, just this once.

Dear Ted:
Not that she's obligated to the public or anything, and also, I am aware that Farrah Fawcett also died that day, but I haven't heard or read anything from Tatum O'Neal about Michael Jackson's death. If someone writes a song about you, a comment might be in order. Whaddya think?
—Jules

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Flynet

Kristin Cavallari and Stephanie Pratt, swooping down on Compartes Chocolatier in Brentwood on a Friday afternoon with—natch!—a camera crew in tow.

Ya think any outings between these two would go undocumented? Unlikely.

A source says K.C. was "supernice," despite her mean-girl reality-TV persona, and added the "superskinny" stars weren't afraid to devour a big ol' plate of chocolates, marshmallows and gelato. Riveting TV, folks, we know you can't wait.

One gal who actually works for her paycheck as opposed to just going shopping was...

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We already told you to skip seeing Brüno this weekend, which has become some big-budget, mass-marketed, pansy-baiting event that misses its main purpose—being funny. Instead, check out the above skewering of Brüno in That's Gay, a minisegment on Current TV's infoMania show, which is infinitely sharper and far less obvious than Sacha Baron Cohen's pandering, schtick-heavy flick.

By the way, gotta wonder how many millions were wasted on making Brüno...

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