The Awful Truth

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Dear Ted:
Movie hotness aside, I think your comparison of Harry Potter and Twilight is a little one-sided (which was your intention, I know). Stephenie Meyer's books are about sex and only sex. Sure, she added vamps and werewolves, but the message is "Don't have sex until you're married, it's bad, but then it's wonderful." The H.P. books are about growing up and dealing with all the problems associated, not just sex. And J. K. Rowling doesn't paint a fake, happily ever after picture of the world either.
—Cathy

Dear Wrong Reasoning:
I don't care what the movies are about or about the talent involved, all I care is how smoldering the actors are on the carpet. And the Twilight cast wins, hands-down.

Dear Ted:
Sarah Palin seemed like she was going to break into a hysterical screaming fit throughout most of that bizarre press conference. Is the real reason she is resigning because there is some awful scandal about her looming on the horizon about to come out? I truly hope so. I cannot stand that woman or her politics.
—Leighanne

Dear Palin Problems:
Anything Sar's got hidden away couldn't be more embarrassing than what we already know about her. Then again...

Dear Ted:
Why doesn't Jennifer Aniston hook up with Matthew Perry? They were Friends, and both are single. Thoughts?
—awalker

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First we had Brad Pitt in Troy. Then Colin Farrell in Alexander. Now joining these long-haired hunks with epically pumped pecs in epic pics comes...Jake Gyllenhaal in Prince of Persia!

Almost didn't recognize him without a latte in his hand.

We can barely look away from EW's "first look" sneak pics—but instead of drooling, we can't stop giggling. Beefcaked within an inch of his life, Jakey looks like one of the animatronics from some Gladiator theme park ride—or like he's on the way to a Purim costume party with Dem and Ashton.

So, yeah. We aren't buying this rough-and-tough Gyllenhaal. We much prefer him toned down, all sleek and sensitive. (Though we bet Reese sure doesn't.) I mean, come on, it looks just so, well...gay, right?

What do you think?

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Get all things Gyllenhaal on Jake's fan page

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Katherine Heigl looked delish, and way toned down, in her darker new 'do she debuted at the premiere of rom-com The Ugly Truth at the Arclight in H'wood. Unfortunately her punctuality could use some work, 'cause the babe was 20 minutes late. Someone trying to sneak out of talking about the Emmy noms?

'Course we asked her all about that, but first we tried to get some Grey's goss for the upcoming season. But Kath wasn't spilling.

"T.R. [Knight]'s no longer there, which is just depressing," was all Heigl would offer. "And Ellen [Pompeo] now has a basketball under her shirt instead of a tiny thing!"

We get it, you can't talk about any plot details. Or maybe you just despise every storyline the writers have conjured up for ya?

As far as the Emmy noms go, Heigl kept mum on her lack of a nomination but, predictably, couldn't keep her opinions to herself about everyone else in the cast:

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More druggy reports on the sad debacle that is Michael Jackson's death. Plus Robsten campers tell us Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart plan to delightfully and deliciously surprise us, big-time, at next week's Comic-Con in San Diego.

Oh, and who's stinkier than Sacha Baron Cohen's performance in Bruno? (Screw the umlaut, already.) Why, the newest growling member of the Casablanca household, that's who! Watch for the full story, in this week's Truth, Lies & Ted!

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Won't make it to Comic-Con? Catch our Tweets from San Diego @eonlineMovies and @KristinAlert

Last time we heard from evil and conniving Shafterella Shoshstein, that bitch was checking out on her man, who was so famously checking out on her. Only nobody knew about the former, crafty thing she is.

Now, S.S. has moved on more openly—and how. Ms. S-squared has all the tabloid world thinking she's just dreamy and perfectly content with her new man, only nothing could be further from the truth.

What is the real deal with Shafterella, you ask? Well, not only does it not always involve the classiest kinds of guys (think real Crawley McNugget material here), but wouldn't you know it, S.S. also likes to have over supercurvy and very...

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Thought we weren't going to get in on the Team Jacob vs. Team Edward action? Yeah friggin' right! Welcome to battle of the studs—round four.

With Comic-Con next week, we're superhyped right now on Twi hunks Robert Pattinson and Taylor Lautner, but what gets us even more excited is the bevy of babes these two supposedly have in their...arms.

So who is the better romancer? Rob's turned the heads of Hollywood's elite like Natalie Portman, not to mention certain costars like Nikki Reed and (way more importantly) Kristen Stewart. On the other hand, Taylor flies more under the radar, opting for cuddly fun with perky Selena Gomez or unknown brunettes.

Which style do you prefer?

Results so far: R.Pattz 3, Taylor 0

• Best Twilight character: R.Pattz
• Best Hair: R.Pattz
• Best Interview: R.Pattz

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ABC/Adam Larkey, Paul Fenton/Fenton Photos/KPA/ZUMA Press

We're totally disappointed our naughtier, TV version of Twilight, True Blood, didn't get one damn friggin' single Emmy nom, not even any of the delicious actors involved. Doesn't the Academy drool over fangs and abs like we do?

Apparently not.

But even more absent from the Emmy noms list than Paqmo was the grab bag of attention-whore celebs you see in the rags and especially in this here blolumn.

Think that's a coincidence?

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"Our room! It was beautiful. We had no walls and were naked all day. Never left!"

—A laughing Kendra Wilkinson at the ESPY Awards, about the best part of her honeymoon with hubby Hank Baskett. Are any of you that surprised? This boobalicious and all-out-there star wouldn't celebrate long-lasting commitment any other way, and that's why we sorta have a thing for her. K.W. also said she and Hank will officially know the sex of their first kid in a couple of weeks. We're siding with Kendra on this one and betting it's going to be a boy. She's just being so butch lately

AP Photo/Evan Agostini

We chatted it up with ESPN honcho Chris Berman at the ESPY Awards this week and had to get the real dish from the sports guru 'bout some of his famous athlete friends—like Tom Brady and Tony Romo (more on him and Jess tomorrow).

First up, we were dying to get some dirt on Gisele Bündchen and that too-gorge husband of hers. It just makes life seem unfair that this pretty and talented pair are actually a match made in gene pool heaven, no? After all, last time we checked in with some of Tom's buds, they weren't so keen on the supermodel ex to Leo DiCaprio. Remember?

Is this it for Tom? Is Gisele his perfect match?

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As we've said before, we are totally into True Blood, and obviously Twilight, so we're all about anytime the sexy vampires cross paths. Even though we weren't so keen on hottie Stephen Moyer's choice words for Edward Cullen (aka Robert Pattinson), calling him the Diet Coke of vampires, we agreed on the sentiments. Now back off for a sec! You can't seriously watch T.B. and say it isn't raunchier and more hard-core.

We ran into True Blood alum and Kellan Lutz pal Robert Parks-Valletta last week and had to get a little round three going.

"The Twilight guys are a lot different than us True Blood folks," Parks-Valletta said. "I agree with [Stephen]! True Blood is more Coca-Cola. [Twilight] is mainstream, but we're the real deal."

Stinger! So can the Twi guys get in on the fun action too?

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AP Photo/Richard Drew

Thank God the Emmys nominated a handful of funny people who know how to make a statement: Julia-Louis Dreyfus is "really looking forward to kicking Tina Fey's ass!" Amy Poehler is "pumped for some high-octane, heart-thumping, hard-core Emmy action!"

But these funny, fitting statements stand alone among incredibly bland reactions. What's with getting all droll when awards season starts—will a personality make people think they aren't taking it seriously? Please.

We consider it our duty to rewrite some of these yawn-worthy reactions, take a peek:

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Could all the Kristen Stewart hating finally be coming to an end? Looks that way if her lovah Robert Pattinson has anything to do about it.

Overnight, R.P. has suddenly become the big media target. OK Magazine is giving Rob a hard time for supposedly being a bad tipper! The tab dishes that after downing drinks and fancy-schmancy food like veal Milanese at Il Cantinori, Pattz and his crew were really cheap.

"The group left a tip of only $50—just shy of the standard 15 percent, and way shy of what you'd expect," reports OK.

So was that the worst of it all?

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