The Awful Truth

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Halle Berry, spotted with her whole gorgeous fam in tow in Miami. The Berry bunch hung in the Miami Design District, shopping for furniture. (No IKEA for this couple!)

Halle wore a black sundress, her BF Gabriel wore a gray T-shirt and shorts, but their fabbest accessory was their adorable baby Nahla. They also had a male designer-type with them, showing them around the place.

They were "looking beautiful and super-friendly" in the store, says our source who couldn't get enough of the presh trifecta. When Hal & Co. went to leave, they had to go back inside because it started pouring on them. Are they leaving H'wood and moving to Fla. for good? Why do all the good ones always leave, while Lohan refuses to go away?

 One superstar away from home, too, was...

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No Credit

Our superfamous naughty couple today is by no means as interesting as Hard-Nipple Nick and his megastar wife. Quite the opposite, in fact. Sorry! But get this:

It's high time everybody met Jerry Rock-Butt and Chutney Jones—an insanely gorgeous duo. The stars (one A-List, one B-List, sorta) have been dating for a couple of years now and they're the epitome of dull, dull, dull. Bland expressions when they're out together, same routine dinners, blah blah and more blah. Yech, already.

But it wasn't always that way, we assure you:

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Pool Photographer/Getty Images, Sgranitz/Getty Images

Michael Jackson's dermatologist, Dr. Arnie Klein, opened up on Larry King, doing a horrible job of claiming innocence. "I told him specifically the dangers of Diprivan," said Klein. "I told him this drug was very dangerous. He assured me he stopped." The doc admitted that he used sedatives on Jackson, but never prescribed him anything stronger than Demerol.

So he's saying Diprivan is dangerous, but Demerol's not? Klein's talking about Demerol like it's friggin' aspirin or something. We spoke to Dr. Daniel Landau, M.D., who definitely begs to differ: "I have never used Demerol because of how addictive it is," says Landau.

"You get a high off of it," he continues, saying Demerol highs last longer than morphine, about seven or eight hours. "I'd be stunned if you found a doctor who would give you Demerol still."

Dr. Klein, turns out, is one such doctor. Read on for more shocking info from Landau...

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Just how much skin are Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart going to show in the fourth Twilight flick, Breaking Dawn? And is the always lovely Anna Faris planning to get sexy with her fiancé totally alone…when they elope? Plus, I'm supercranky today with diva Tyra and friggin' Michael Jackson's druggy doctors in the new Truth, Lies & Ted.

Karl/Tony/INFphoto.com, Chris Haston/NBC

All you Tom Green fans out there—and we were made aware that there's a ton of you out there—are apparently resting easy, since reports of Green's death this week are untrue. Tom, 'course, took to his blog to deny he had any part of this rumor, and we sure hope T.G.'s telling the truth that he had nothing to do with this badly timed fib.

We'll give Tom the benefit of the doubt on this one, since he def strikes us as the type of guy who wants full credit for his unfunny pranking, even if it's absolutely atrocious. We may not be big fans of Green's, but good to hear he's still alive!

But if he is lying...

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ODuran/Fame Pictures

You all loved our last Paris Hilton skewering after that total denunciation of sinful oral exploits she shared with the world on Kathy Griffin's Life on the D-List. Well, Kath, the generous babe she is, offered some behind-the-scenes goodies on working with Pare-poo in her too-funny comedy act, which we checked out at Mandelay Bay in Vegas over the holiday weekend.

Kath did commend Paris for being extremely nice to work with, but that's where the compliments pretty much ended:

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bauergriffinonline.com; Steve Granitz/Getty Image; Jim Spellman/Getty Images

Dear Ted:
So handsome, so sexy, so stinky (now that you've started smoking again). You've noted Bradley Cooper, Justin Bartha, Orlando Bloom and Shia LaBeouf as the divine one. Coincidentally, all four of these strapping young men are in the movie New York, I Love You... Can you just go ahead and confirm at this point that Nevis is not in this movie, even if he has been romantically linked with someone in this movie?
—Imqaatdbru 

Dear Nevis, I Love You:
Where would the fun be in that be, honey? But I'll give you something else, instead: The real Nevis Divine sometimes has to use makeup on his bod parts to appear even more real. Get it?

Dear Ted:
Re: Perez Hilton stealing A.T. content. Writing a blurb about this just generates more publicity (and ad dollars) to him, silly. I'd like to see an itemized list of all that he's lifted from you and an estimate of revenue you think he owes you. Or you can promise not to smoke any cigarettes just for today. Then repeat again, tomorrow. I'm not picky.
—Nimue 

Dear Pathetic Perez:
With everything that he's stolen from me, and others, it's too hard to count, but I'm sure the cut of the check is pretty hefty. 

Dear Ted:
While I appreciate your interns' desire to get dating tips, being single myself, I question their choice of informants. Celebrities, really? For relationship advice? I'm sure there are a few celebrities in good, healthy relationships, but the majority seems to be in flings or convenient arrangements rather than relationships. If you want good relationship advice, ask people who have been in a good, long relationship; tell your interns to go interview their grandmothers or some of the older actresses in the Biz, like Joanne Woodward. Anyone who was married to Paul Newman for 50 years probably has some good, sound advice. And please, stop smoking, for the sake of your loved ones. I've lost an aunt and a grandfather to cancer 'cause of cigarettes, and the pain of quitting is nothing compared to chemo and leaving behind the ones you love.
—Cathy 

Dear Dating Disaster:
First off, Taryn Ryder is my capable colleague, not my intern. Second, there are two ways to interpret our celebrity relaysh advice: either follow it in an effort to have the same kind of flingy fun, or listen to it and do the exact opposite. Your call! 

Dear Ted:
Is Nevis Divine Jim Sturgess or James McAvoy? A clue, a hint or an outright denial?
—Jandlinn

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Universal

Gay issues are, like, totally hot right now, right? What with Prop 8 and the whole Carrie Prejean "opposite marriage" mess, so Sacha Baron Cohen must be friggin' overjoyed—with Brüno being released this week.

We checked out an early screening, and tho we love a good gay giggle as much as the next moviegoer, we just couldn't get behind Cohen behaving as though being gay automatically makes you hilarious to watch. It doesn't.

SBC's performance is a straight man's limited idea of what he thinks is stereotypically gay. It's unknowing, ignorant, offensive and guilty of the most heinous crime of all: It's just not funny. If he'd made us guffaw we could at least forgive him for giving us a politically incorrect good time.

Plus, we still live in a world where not all people see gays as equals, obviously. You know, we're just around to do your hair or design your clothes or entertain you, that kind of sick thinking. Which is exactly what Cohen's been doing, dressing like a horned-up, couture-draped idiot on every press stop.

Since the most obvious (and pretty much only) attribute Brüno has is being gay, audiences aren't laughing at Brüno the fool, but Brüno the homosexual. Skip it, we say.

Flynet

More info for you concerned Robsten fans about the alleged spawn of Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart. The Internet has been blowing up about NW magazine's report of a preggers K.Stew, and reps for the two stars have stayed supermum, which has worried many of you out there.

Rob's camp tells thelondonpaper, "We don't comment on anything like that," while there has been no on-the-record word, either, from Kristen's people.

So what is the official unofficial word from a superwell-placed Kristen source?

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Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty Images

Hayden Panettiere showed up to a private screening of her new flick I Love You, Beth Cooper in New York with her hair tousled and lipstick smacked like she's auditioning for the still-defunct Dallas movie.

Sure, below the neck we think Hay is as doable as ever in an angelic white frock (tho we can't really agree she's anywhere near virginal). But H.P.'s head is in serious danger of becoming the lesbian lovechild of Charlene Tilton and Lindsay Lohan. All she needs is a pair of cowboy boots and orange skin to complete the look!

This 19-year-old babe looks eons older than she really is—could the very adult social activities she likes to indulge in have anything to do with that? Or is she trying to appear more womanly so all the older dudes she dates don't realize they can't even (legally) take her to a bar?

Pedro Andrade/PacificCoastNews.com

Michael Jackson's early exit has left his loved ones devastated. Not only because they mourn the loss of their brother, father and son, but because Michael's sudden departure left his family, too, without the opportunity to work past a lot of questions they had prior to his death.

"Michael and his family had many unresolved issues," dishes a source über-tight with the Jackson fam. "He has left them with a lot of unanswered questions, particularly about why he fell so out of touch with most of them."

We're told this has left an anger-fueled Jackson family, who are so grief-stricken, they're taking it out on one person in particular: Debbie Rowe.

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James Devaney/Getty Images

Dear Ted:
I think everyone can recognize that Megan Fox is beautiful, including Megan herself. What I can't figure out is why she doesn't realize that her physical appearance is her strongest attribute? Why does she feel the need to speak, ever? I read that she felt that the education she got in the past was irrelevant. My thought was, "We can tell! It's obvious you have zero education and even less class." Am I the only one who finds this ironic? Does she do it on purpose to keep herself in the limelight?
—Andrea

Dear Foxy Lady:
Meg will do anything to continue being talked about. She's been in like, two movies and she's already a pro at being a celebrity! That requires some sort of smarts.

Dear Ted:
I really like the Michael Jackson articles you have been writing. I think the only reason you are getting some negative feedback is because some of the readers are still stuck in the first stages of grieving, so they can't accept that there was both good and bad to Michael. I never miss reading your column; I especially love the Bitch-Back sections, but I really like the more journalistic feel to items you post about Michael. I like seeing your more serious reporter side. P.S. Still saying a little prayer every day for you while you deal with the pain of losing Butch.
—Tasha

Dear Rock With You:
Thanks on all counts, much appreciated.

Dear Ted:
Already sent my guess on Toothy Tile, now it's Nevis Divine's turn. He has to be James Franco. I don't know why, but I feel so sure (on both guesses).
—Wanda

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