The Awful Truth

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This week, usually shirtless Hugh Jackman was anointed the Sexiest Man Alive, says People mag. Well, duh. What we were more challenged with was who’s the unsexiest nonstud out there? 'Cause damn if Hell-Ay isn't one awful place to meet men, and an even awfuller locale to find a male celeb who isn’t a slimy d-bag. A.T. readers gave their two shiny pennies and picked the winners:

Third Place: It’s a tie! Nick Hogan and Jennifer Aniston both drew 7.8 percent of the unsexy vote. Hey Jen, feel free to jump N.H. when you’re done with John—at least you’re not out of each other’s leagues.  

2nd Place: Blake No-Longer-Incarcerated at 24.3 percent. Almost a quarter of you thought Amy Winehouse’s hubby was the best way to get out of the mood. Never thought Blakey would be this popular.

And the ultimate unsexy winner of the year is...

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Chris Jackson/Getty Images for Atlantis, The Palm

Britney’s not the only one who feels like she’s endlessly going through Groundhog Day–we’re going through the same thing whenever we see Samantha Ronson in this Guns N' Roses T-shirt. S.R. has worn it five times in the last month, like, that is so gay of her. Check out our Lindsay Lohan-sprinkled SamRo gallery if ya don’t believe us. Ya'd think you could pick up some sexually androgynous style somewhere else than off your bedroom floor. Oh, and G&R’s Chinese Democracy ain’t gettin’ the best reviews; why not don a shirt with chart-topping Taylor Swift’s pretty mug on the front? Or will Linds get too jealous?

Dan Herrick/KPA/ZUMAPress.com

Dear Ted:
I’m just fed up with the whole Jen vs. Angie issue. Jen has a hot, young guy, plus, she doesn't seem to care what Brad and Angie do. What is Angie and Brad’s problem? By the way, I'm a lesbian. They won't get married until we do? Please, we could care less if they do. Where were they years ago when they were married to other people? It's just another of their publicity stunts.
—amethyistbella

Dear PR Stunt Man and Wife:
One among many. Or a good excuse to stay legally single. 

Dear Ted:
Is Hollywood so boring lately that nearly every article has to be about Rob Pattinson? Or is there a reason for all the sudden heavy publicity? By the way, would have voted a big no on Prop 8 if I lived out your way.
—Lynn, Conn.

Dear Twilight Overdose:
He’s the flavor of the month, and a delicious one at that. Let us gobble him up for a bit, ‘K? We so know there’s more scandal to this creatively coiffed gent than meets his bedroom eyes. Breaking in seconds...

Dear Ted:
Did you by any chance see the storyline on The Starter Wife where the bipolar, closeted action star tries to come out (when he's off his meds) and is stopped by his lover who traps him in the bathroom? Is this anything close to the Toothy Tile situation?
—scatkinson

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J Redden/UNHCR via Getty Images

Thank heavens somebody’s listening. The supposedly still venerable New York Times finally echoed what we’ve been bitching about for eons: Angelina Jolie knows her way around press manipulation about as well as she does married men.  We said it. Now the Times is saying it: Jolie is the woman aspiring Hollywood publicists should be studying with everything they’ve got.

Oh, and Angie’s reaction to the NYT calling her out like this? “She pretends to be irked,” relayed a Brangelina mutual friend, “but secretly, I know she loves it.” As do we, of course, as do we.

Jeff Vespa/Getty Images; Eduardo Parra/Getty Images

Back over at the GQ Men of the Year to-do at Chateau, forgot to tell you all that Zac Efron was totally digging the fact that everybody was digging him so much. Dude loves the new intense fame thang, big-time. But damn if he didn’t chuckle, rather contemptuously, when somebody asked if he was looking forward to getting his party on with professional club boy Leonardo DiCaprio (who was also at the bash, as well as every hot hang you can find these days). Is that because Leo’s in danger of becoming the male Paris, only with a tad more ability in the acting department? Your guess is as good as ours.

Super-funny bitch Kathy Griffin also hit up the shindig. You know she just couldn’t resist being in a room full of eligible dressed-up men. “I’m a Hillary fan,” 'fessed Kath when asked who her vote was for Gal of the Year. “I think she’s coming back strong. And she could also be Man of the Year. That’s what’s great about her—she’s flexible.”

Don’t be so sure, Kath. It’s not lookin’ so hot in the Hillary political arena right now. And trust us, it kills us to remind you.

—With additional reporting by Taryn Ryder

Lester Cohen/Getty Images

“I’m very relieved.”

—Nikki Reed, when we asked how it felt now that the vampire flick’s tween-commandeered premiere is over. You’ll be singing another Twilight tune and begging for more when everyone’s focus stays on Pattinson and no one else. You, too, Ashley Tisdale

Jim Spellman/Getty Images; James Devaney/Getty Images

Aaron Eckhart, what a babe, huh? Well, The Dark Knight’s White Knight is just that in real life, so it seems. We asked the chiseled actor what it was like working with gossip girl Jennifer Aniston in their new movie, Traveling, which A.E. himself calls “a total chick flick.” Like Aniston would act (or get cast) in anything else, duh.

Says Eck-hon: “It was wonderful; she was awesome to work with. Good friend, sweet girl, total pro. She has just a heart of gold, and I totally enjoyed the experience.”

Wow, could Jenny pay for a better publicist? Why doesn’t she ever date a gent like Aaron, as opposed to a slimeball like John Mayer? Then again, affirmations like “good friend” and “sweet girl” don’t really inspire any groin-clenching crushing, do they? And we know that’s the only kinda reax J.A.’s interested in these days, both from audiences and potential bedmates. It’s all very Angie! Angie! Angie! (still). Whatever. Guess Aniston just isn’t A.E.’s type, while guys like J.M. are more than willing to date a mournful soul, but with fab hair, like Jen—you can do whatever ya like, and they’ll keep comin’ back for more.

—Additional reporting by Taryn Ryder and Becky Bain

Chris Polk/Getty Images

Dear Ted:
Is it me or does this Robert Pattinson guy look like he is stoned on the good green or what? His eyes always look like they could close at any minute, and they are quite bloodshot. I may get accosted by an angry mob for saying this, seeing as how crazy the ladies are going for this cat, but he looks like a good old-fashioned pothead to me. Not that there is anything wrong with that!
—dgarber1115

Dear Toke Bloke:
Wouldn’t be a far reach, considering how he likes to prepare for auditions.

Dear Ted:
So now that Hef is not with Bridget, Kendra or Holly, why are they in the news so much? The fact that both Kendra and Holly moved on so quickly, especially Holly, who claimed that Hef was her "soul mate," just shows how fake the whole thing was. I never believed she was honestly attracted to him, let alone in love with him, and now she's going to get attention for Criss Angel? Seriously? Was she just sticking around Hef till she had enough of her own money and didn't need him anymore? I think I already know the answer to that, but please enlighten me!
—Amy, Calif.

Dear Pondering Playmates:
Not like Hef minded being used. Get real. 

Dear Ted:
Do you have any information on Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo?
—tpukalo

Dear Napping With Nick:
Yes, info on them beats sleeping pills. 

Dear Ted:
Enough already about Prop 8. If I have to read one more story with you asking a celeb what they think about Prop 8 (like do you really think they're going to disagree with you?) I'm going to puke. I can see why you feel very strongly about this subject but most people come here to read something light and fluffy. Is E! paying you to blog about your political convictions or about celeb gossip?
—kappylie

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Michael Bezjian/Getty Images

Not if, but where. Do we have a showdown in the works over at Hef’s mansion?

Apparently so. Remember, Hank Baskett, Kendra Wilkinson’s fiancé, derailed Kendra and Hef’s big Girls Next Door offshoot by making a surprise proposal, which we broke. Originally, Kendra was supposed to go off, free and fierce, from the Holmby Hills Playboy Mansion, like some sort of wide-eyed sexy graduate, ready to take on swinging L.A.

“It was supposed to be Kendra being even more...Kendra,” said a source involved in the TV workings. But apparently, all is not lost, as I’m hearing Kendra’s post-Mansion TV plans are still heavily in the works, albeit slightly more domesticated. Which leaves only one prob left...

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Been awhile since we heard from Fake-à-la Ferocity, I know. The babe who has used prescribed synthetic goodies to help her get off a nasty drug habit is two-timing her man, didn’t you know?

No, not that hunk she’s got at home stashed in the fully toy-equipped bedroom, but her doctor, I mean. Turns out F.F. knows how to work her fierce femme charm on the good docs (a very old story in this town, right? Just ask Liz Taylor’s 263,000 docs if you don’t believe me). So you know the last Vice tale: Ms. Ferocity needed to get off her substantial habit so she could not only save her home life and marriage but make a movie, too. Thought nobody would notice that she went right back to using not that long ago.

Yeah, right, exactly. So gotta get clean again! Yep, she’s back on the synthetic stuff, and not just with one doc but two. Two pro docs who don’t know about the other, by the by. Guess Ms. F. really likes to feel good when she’s feelin’ bad comin’ down from the hard stuff? I swear, it’s not the docs and the man at home, nor F.F.’s family, that’s gonna find out first how much crap she’s shooting into her bod, it’s gonna be the public, when she keels over dead one day. Jeez already, get help, woman!

And It Ain’t: Felicity Huffman, Kate Bosworth, Ashley Olsen

Wicked A New Muscial

Kristin Chenoweth was divine as the good witch, remember, in the cloak-and-broomstick musical, Wicked? And now that K.C.’s witnessing some real-life evil witches out there, i.e., the Mormon Church, it appears one of her saviors will be Wicked author Stephen Schwartz.

But let’s back up first: There was a musical director by the name Scott Eckern, director of the California Musical Theater in Sacramento. He donated a grand to help fund the anti-gay marriage act, Prop 8, a pretty stunning fact, considering Eckern was not only directing tons of gay folks every day, he was using the materials authored by countless gay men and women to help himself and his organization profit financially. Schwartz, one of the most successful musical pros in the business, helped put pressure on Eckern (who recently resigned), as CMT was busy with many things. 

And now, Schwartz has been alerted to the highly ironic and unfortunate fact that the Young Ambassadors, Brigham Young University’s traveling entertainment company (which helps spread the word of Mormonism, only with song and dance), is using his works as well. Schwartz, thank the benevolent heavens above, is soon to be on BYU’s case, I hear. It’s truly stunning that folks who voted yes on Prop 8 still want to have their cake and eat us too. What idiots.

Are Nicole Kidman and her Aussie amour Keith Urban lying about their “fairy-tale” romance? Are Tori Spelling and mama Candy collaborating on something other than a fight? And is Katie Holmes missing her ex? This, and why Daniel Craig’s latest move has got me hot and bothered, and not in a naughty way, in Truth, Lies & Ted!