The Awful Truth

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Talk about one rough week for our fave couple, Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart. Seriously, these poor real-life romancers have been through the tabloid (and fan) ringer lately, so does that mean their relationship is on the fast-track to combusting, too?

First up, there are those viscous rumblings of a Robsten lovechild ('cause she's so fat, right?), and if that weren't enough, now there are reports that Kris is receiving hate mail from Twilight fans who are superpissed at how she's supposedly been treating Rob. Uh, if the outcry's anything close to what we unfortunately have to witness on our very own A.T. boards, our hearts are with Kristen all they way.

So we're here to try to decipher what is fact from fiction, as well as the possible half-truth's burrowing in between:

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Thousands of people would have jumped at the chance to be at Michael Jackson's memorial yesterday—celebrities and notable folks included in those envious of who did attend.

So why, of all people associated with the King of Pop, wasn't Diana Ross there to pay her respects? A superclose (at times), lifelong friend to Michael and his ultimate idol, her absence struck us as downright rude.

"I am trying to find closure...I have decided to pause and be silent," was Diana's feeble excuse, revealed in a friggin' press release. She couldn't just hop on a damn private jet and show up? (I mean, if she can screw old friends like this, think Miss Ross is going to hesitate when it comes to screwing the environment?) Jackson, who felt so close to Ross he not only put her in his will but left his children to her—should his own mother pass—would have wanted his friend, his hero, to be there when it mattered.

She didn't have to get up and say anything, as a heartbroken Brooke Shields so eloquently did.

Diana sitting this one out spoke more words than if she had actually just been there, mourning in silent.

Unquestionably, there was tension between the two singing legends after M.J. didn't go to Ross' 1986 wedding to then-husband Arne Naess. Or was Jackson's ever-present obsession with Diana just too much attention for her to deal with on such a personal level? I have no idea if the two had even kept in contact since 2002, when M.J. put her in his will. But was staying at home a way to hide just how much their friendship had deteriorated over the years? Or did it magnify that fact?

Who cares? This is precisely when you let bitchy bygones be just that and you just damn well do the right thing. At the very least for the kids who could still legally be put in your care at some point.

Kevork Djansezian/Getty Images; Steve Granitz/Getty Images

What's the word for one member of a celebrity couple who gets totally crucified by the public, while the other gets off scot-free?

Say, for example, Angelina Jolie—the man-eating be-yotch who stole Brad Pitt away from Jennifer Aniston. What, Brad had no part in that? Doesn't it take two to hook up and do the Mr. & Mrs. Smith tango?

Or Robert Pattinson who is the wholly innocent Twilight golden child, while Kristen Stewart receives the fan backlash—for reasons stunningly and mysteriously unknown to us. Uh, didn't Rob still have the hots for K even when she was with a BF?

We think the perf word for this is humilify. Can you top it?

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We've finally made it to the day of Michael Jackson's private funeral (as private as it could get, anyway, for a colossal megastar such as him) and his world-watched memorial at Staples Center. Which, turns out, was an even more coveted ticket than any one of his London concert gigs.

The world's interest in, and affection for, M.J. has astronomically grown since his passing, and a huge shift in the public perception of this eccentric figure can't go unquestioned.

Has anyone else noticed the sudden idolatry now that Jackson is dead? Why do some fans, journalists and music insiders who were so quick to criticize him when he was alive, seem that much more comfortable praising Jackson now that he's gone?

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Diane Lane and Josh Brolin, all smiley and hand-holding, taking the kiddies out for breakfast in West L.A. over the weekend, John O'Groats restaurant.

These two Oscar-nommed beauties have had a rocky history, to say the least, what with their on-again, off-again fighting, but all seemed to be at peace as the fam dined on the Fourth of July. Because smiling for the paparazzi always means everything is smooth sailing in a drama-filled marriage, right?

We still think that D and J have some baggage they need to unpack (both publicly and privately) before we fully buy that they have their Hollywood happy ending.

Also out in the L.A. sun, though not as scandalous but still smolderingly sexy, was...

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Two weeks ago, you could have told us that Dame Elizabeth Taylor had a Twitter and we (or our 19-year-old intern, at least) might have made some cracks about her age and her ability to actually understand the site. We might have wondered why someone like Liz Taylor needed to be on Twitter, or speculated as to who might be following her.

Twelve days and one King of Pop death later, the media is reporting on Liz's tweets and using them as her publicly released statements on Michael Jackson's demise.

In response to questions about Liz's attendance at the Staples Center memorial, her rep actually directed E! News to Dame Elizabeth's Twitter! To think that this septuagenarian's public commentary now comes in the form of tweets? All of a sudden everyone wants to pay some attention to the legendary diva, and she's abruptly relevant again.

Not so funny to make fun of her anymore then, is it?

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Jason LaVeris/Getty Images, Jon Kopaloff/Getty Images, Jason LaVeris/Getty Images

Dear Ted:
I saw your True Blood poll results, where you wondered if Stephen Moyer lost to Alexander Skarsgård because Mr. Moyer said rude things about our Rob. While I am sure some people wouldn't vote for Stephen because of the aforementioned unkind comments, may I suggest that Alexander won because he is just way more attractive? What do you think?
—Believer 

Dear Agree to Disagree:
Even though S.M. was talking about "Edward" not "Rob," I think most Twi fans still consider that a big no-no. And def probably why he didn't win! I'm totally into Alexander, just more partial to the abtastic Ryan Kwanten.

Dear Ted:
What is wrong with Perez Hilton? Seriously, why is he blogging your Twilight/Breaking Dawn gossip without even crediting you? I see the Black Eyed Peas didn't teach him a lesson.
—RKlover 

Dear Journalistic Integrity:
Tell me about it! Perez and his minions "borrow" a great deal.

Dear Ted:
Is Nevis Divine Hugh Grant?
—Lovely Libra 

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Frank Micelotta/Getty Images for MTV

Do we need to start a PerezWatch to keep track of all the lifting Perez Hilton's doing with our original content? As we've told you time and time again, it's just piss-ass insane when Perez straight up steals our exclusive material and reuses it without giving any sort of credit.

Perez recently reposted our quickie interview with Ashley Greene last Friday and, not surprisingly, didn't even bother to take the extra second and credit his source. No big deal, right?

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While we're assured Robert Pattinson didn't have the most relaxing holiday weekend—maybe because of his beefed-up work schedule, his distaste for New York or lady troubles, or all of the above—we think he'll be much more cheered up today. (More on his blah InWhySee blues soon, promise.)

Twitter is buzzing that Rob will be attending Comic-Con down in San Diego in a couple weeks, if his schedule will allow it.

So is that legit? And what New Moon gal will accompany him? Do read on:

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Dear Ted: 
Just saw The Proposal and never realized how hot Ryan Reynolds was. It got me wondering if he has ever been a Blind Vice? Any skeletons in his closet?
—Kathy 

Dear Good Taste:
Tons! Stick to these sticky pages for more soon! 

Dear Ted:
What do you have against Alexander Skarsgård? Do you know something we don't? Personally, I love him!
—blue22 

Dear Misread:
Absolutely nothing! Love True Blood; love sexy A.S. Just dig Stephen Moyer and Ryan Kwanten a bit more if you can believe. 

Dear Ted: 
Is Michael Jackson's mother still married to his dad? If she gets custody of his kids, will he be around them?
—D 

Dear Michael Part 2:
Married they are. Maybe that's why Diana Ross is M.J.'s No. 2, not his pops. 

Dear Ted: 
I absolutely love your column! Though I still don't understand the Robsten obsession (sorry but that mopey, pasty, I-don't-shower-every-day look turns me off from paying any attention to those kids). Anyway, keep up the awesome job. Question: Has James Franco ever been a Blind Vice? I hesitate to write which Blind Vice subject I think he might be because I don't think I ever really want to find out any of the Blind Vices—it's so much fun to keep guessing! Thanks for keeping a smile on my face at work.
—Sarah

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AP Photo/Lois Bernstein; Pool Photographer/Getty Images

After Michael Jackson's somewhat early passing, tons of questions have been raised about how exactly the talented pop star spent the last several years of his life.

Well, from what we're hearing from sources high up in Jackson's life, all of those broke rumors weren't exactly rumors at all.

We're told investors who bailed out Jackson last year never saw Michael's death coming. But now they may wind up making much more dough than they had originally thought...

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Pool Photographer/Getty Images

Though many people out there would love to only remember Michael Jackson as a music legend and nothing else, the King of Pop's less-than-glowing behavior throughout his life is bound to bubble to the surface at some point, whether dearly devoted fans like it or not.

With respect to the Jackson family, it's well-known that Michael led a troubled life and wound up in and out of court again and again. Does having undeniable talent totally negate allegedly committing horrible crimes? Unfortunately, sometimes it does in Hollywood.

We talked to a key figure in Jackson's defense from his last trial and asked him point-blank: Did you ever look at him head-on and ask if he really, truly molested those children?

"I did ask," the M.J. player told us. And you'll be surprised what M.J. told him back:

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