The holiday season's over, hope you drank all the virgin eggnog you and Lindsay Lohan could muster! Now that it's 2009, let's get on to bigger, badder and trashier things—the results of our 11-day run of Prop 88s, our rebel yell for 88 celebrity bad-behavior propositions.
Here's the winning results, per day, in order of how desperate all of you want that par-tick prop to pass:
21 percent: Botox is discontinued. Every face on Desperate Housewives falls off. And a few Down Under, too.
24 percent: Ashlee Simpson-Wentz and Pete Wentz's names are legally changed to Bronx and Queens. Let's see how they like it.
27 percent: Jen simply has to stop talking about Angelina. Angie, though, can talk about Jen all she wants.
28 percent: Will Smith must cease talking about how often he schtups Jada Pinkett Smith. His acting isn't good enough.
30 percent: A limit of one new baby per year for Angelina Jolie. And she's not allowed to pose for any photo spreads with the kid.
30 percent: Obama has to get us out of Iraq, stat. Sooner than later, Barack.
32 percent: Michael Jackson must go away. Forever. No joke.
35 percent: Elisabeth Hasselbeck is no longer allowed to speak. Outspoken Republican voices have bankrupted this country enough as it is.
52 percent: Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag owe society 700 hours of community service—without a staged photo op.
53 percent: David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson must publicly become a couple. Far more exciting than the latest X-Files flick.
What deranged dynamic in H'wood possibly could have beaten Scully and Mulder slinking out of a bathroom together, hand in hand, for all their X-philes (and exes) to see? Find out after the jump!
The dubious winner of our Prop 88s was...
55 percent: Toothy Tile must finally come out of the closet. People magazine goes bankrupt.
Big surprise. What you gals 'n' guys want more than anything is to have your Toothy and to eat him, too, or however that stupid saying goes. We suspect T2 would like the same thing—too bad his priorities lie elsewhere.
Well, every winner needs an awards ceremony! We've reserved a banquet hall at the Beverly Hilton on Oct. 11—National Coming Out Day—to award Mr. Tile his trophy in exchange for the trophy gal he's been schlepping around. Hope to see ya there, Tooth!