Bitch Back! Mayer Haters & Bale's Package

Readers question Jen and Kate

By Ted Casablanca Aug 22, 2008 11:38 PMTags
John MayerFlynet

Dear Ted:
Not surprised about the Aniston-Mayer thing....right? She started seeing him right before the big birth, waited until after all the pics were out and then dropped him. That was the plan all along, right? So she wouldn't be cast as sad over the Angelina/Brad twins...like she had her own thing going on. What does Jennifer Aniston do when she isn't gathering up young boys or shooting one movie every four years?
—Guvie

Dear Pickled-Jen:
They both got what they wanted out of the ho-mance. I kinda liked it. Why didn't you? Infinitely sexier than the last.

Dear Ted:
Jury's still out on the new format—couldn't care less about such trivial matters as color, but here's my beef: Used to start each morning with my cuppa joe and your column. Now it takes so damn long to load and all the vacant real estate on the right-hand side just irritates me. This sends me elsewhere. I don't want to be elsewhere. I want to read your column—not wait for random blather to load. I love Truth Lies & Ted, too. Please tell mgmt. that the infrastructure needs to be tweaked. What do the stats on reader hits say? E's homepage lost me long ago.
Jen, Chicago

Dear Headache:
You lost me after infrastructure. But I love you more than you hate my current gig, trust. But seriously, just grab my RSS feed why don’t you?

Dear Ted:
Y
ou totally called it with Kate Hudson and Lance Armstrong...You said their "relationship" wouldn't last long and that she'd be back with Owen in no time. Wow!
—Swong

Dear Star-Crossed:
Kate's like a female man-ho, she wants to settle down even less than Lance does, trust.

Dear Ted:
Christian Bale
is the complete package when it comes to hotties but why, oh why does he wear nothing but black on the red carpet? The roles he takes are so multifaceted, but his wardrobe is nothing but freaking boring.
Bored Balehead

Dear Creative Clad:
I think black quite suits all of C's inner turmoil. A dandy he's not.

Dear Ted:
What do you think of Jake G's new princely body? Hottie or nottie? I'd have liked it if only he had chosen to reveal it in the context of the movie and without doing a staged photo op with Reese in the middle of the desert. Everything they do together is too calculated and publicity conscious for my taste.
—Pete

Dear Go Jake or Go Home:
Jakey-Poo's ripped bod might be the only way to get us to one of his flicks. Rendition anyone?

Dear Ted:
OMG! This page! Someone should fire, maim, or kill the 22-year-old "executive" who decided that you should be following in friggin' Perez Hilton's blog steps! Ick! And yellow? I'll still read it because, well, it's you. I miss the old Awful Truth.
—A.T.

Dear Aggressive Arse:
Perez didn't invent asinine commentary and juvenile pics and gizmos, been doin' it forever. I dig the new format so pooh-pooh on you.

Dear Ted:
Why, oh why, do the A-list females like Jennifer Aniston and Jessica Simpson date John Mayer? It's apparent he's going to break hearts and not settle down. Don't they know better?
—Confused, Fla.

Dear J Cubed:
There's a very thin line between lust and love.

—With additional English-effin' reporting by Taryn Ryder