Kevin Mazur/Getty ImagesDear Ted:
I read that Taylor Swift is pissed that Kanye West keeps talking about her and the VMAs and that he's only apologizing to promote his new album. What do you think? And do you think he'll cause any trouble this year?
—Dru
Dear Bum Rushed:
First of all, T.Swift needs to send Kanye a muffin basket to thank him for all the success she had last year. Sure, what he did was douchey—who's really surprised?—but Tay got enough publicity and sympathy out of it that she should be over it by now. Who cares if he's still blabbing about the whole ordeal? As for this year, I'm sure he'll be on better behavior, but that's all relative.
Dear Ted:
I'm sorry about Cleo! I love my rescue kitty and I can feel your heartbreak. I'm sure you've got tons of room in your heart to give some love to another kitty-in-need down the road. I've been wondering about our egotastic Buck Me-Good. Is he attached to any (past, current, future) bloodsucker films?
—Sunshine
Dear Suck It Up:
Nope...well, not that I can remember at least. Let's just say Buck isn't famous for wearing fangs. And thanks for your sweet words about Cleo, who, for the moment, I consider an irreplaceable kitty (just like Butch).
Dear Ted:
Why do we love Robert Pattinson? Is it because we think he's Edward Cullen? Uh, no! Do you gossip hounds and papz get it yet? We Twi-hards love Rob because he's a normal guy who's just caught up in a game that others play and he just plain refuses. He doesn't want to hide out in Europe like a wuss, i.e. George Clooney and Johnny Depp. He wants to be with his girl, hang out with his life friends, do a job he loves and just wants to live his life without being lied about by gossip hounds and harassed by papz. No cameras, no agents, no stylists. He's in a huge beard with a baseball cap. When he gets back to L.A., will you all leave him the hell alone when he's not working? Please?
—PG
Dear Robpressed Anger:
Hey, babe, I don't mess in the dude's affairs. I give him plenty of time after a sighting to dish the deets, ya know, to avoid papz or overly excited fans from assaulting the dude. Plus, it's not just gossip columnists that track his every move—it's you fans who tweet his road-trip locations and such.
Dear Ted:
What do you think of gay spa sex scandals? Is there really a gay spa subculture in Hollywood?
—Curious G Man
Dear Happy Ending:
Please, there's every kind of subculture in T'town! And let's just say that there's a whole lotta steamy smoke ‘round these sexy fires.
Dear Ted:
Now that I'm an expat housefrau with time on my hands, I've discovered your site and love it and you! Your latest additions to the Blind Vice Hall of Fame were interesting indeed, though I don't think anyone could be surprised to see Nicole Kidman's name there...but what did surprise me was your mention that she was a (repeat) solo offender. As the saying goes, What's sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander, and I would have thought surely Keith Urban is a saucy kind of guy who is as Vice-worthy as his other half. Should I trust my instincts?
—J
Dear In the Nic of Time:
Oh, of course anyone who's dealt with Vice queen Nicole Kidman has dirty little secrets of their own—Keith included. In fact, his are quite juicy. Good instincts, J.
Dear Ted:
I'm not sure if E! Is at all into Legend of the Seeker, but I want some support on this! How could ABC not renew the contract for season three? In my opinion, it was one of the best shows on TV! Is there any hope, in your prediction, of a future for LOTS or is it all over for the seeker and his confessor?
—S
Dear Seeking Answers:
Sorry for your TV loss, S. Can't weigh in too much on chances of renewal (wouldn't get too hopeful though), but I'd definitely vote to keep the show on air, if only to keep seeing Craig Horner's delicious abs.
Dear Ted:
You've already answered my question about the male-female beard game, and you've confirmed that there are more female beards for gay entertainers, but are there more gay actors than athletes in Hollywood? Or more gay athletes than singers?
—Doli
Dear Stats Lesson:
More gay actors than musicians, and musicians than athletes, doll, with plenty in each category.
Dear Ted:
According to the tabloids last week, Taylor Lautner won his settlement against the RV people. They post the amount and post what charity it goes to. I have a sneaky feeling this is PR control. It has been stated that he gives to this charity all the time, but why are we just hearing about now. I don't doubt that he likes to give but the timing is just perfect. I smell a PR cover-up. What do you think?
—W
Dear Diva In Disguise:
Tay-Tay & Co. don't want his hunky semi-hero image to be tarnished with a hissy fit of truly bitchy proportions, do they? People won't wonder too much how he got the cash as long as he puts it to a good cause.
Dear Ted:
I am very aware with the laws in the state of California. So my question is why do celebrities get away will so many crimes? California has a strict law called the "3 Strikes Law" the law entails that when an individual commits a crime (whether a misdemeanor or a serious crime) the individual will have to serve a jail sentence. So how do celebrities such as Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton escape this law?
—Adam
Dear Long Arm of the Law:
You may have answered your own question, Adam (I'm not a lawyer, but you're not entirely correct on your legal summation on all California law here). Because they're celebrities—and that title carries way too much power in this town. But hopefully, that's all about to change. Is that naive of me to say?
Dear Ted:
I like Julia Roberts and I will usually go to see her movies, but I feel like she is starting to go into Ashley Judd territory, playing the same character, the same way, just in a different set of circumstances. She is a great actress. I just wish she would do something different, like a good thriller! I would totally go see that!
—Amanda F.
Dear A Dud Like Judd:
Sounds good to me, A. Or even a total mix-up and maybe a horror flick? Anything but another sequel to Valentine's Day (though admittedly her part was one of the more tolerable in the film).
Dear Ted:
I'm in love with Weeds and everything related to it, and I've been reading about Mary-Louise Parker. She is so beautiful, and in the interviews I've seen seems pretty cool. So I don't understand how a person can have such bad luck when it comes to relationships! Billy Crudup left her for Claire Danes while she was pregnant with his child (douche move) and she had an on-and-off thing with Jeffrey Dean Morgan until they called it quits, and now he's with that One Tree Hill girl. What gives? Is there an obscure, Vicey reason for this? Is she a nasty person, or is she just really, really unlucky in love?
—A
Dear Weeding Out the Losers:
Why does every single, middle-aged chick have to have a flaw just because she's single? Parker, Jen Aniston and the like—they're all fab ladies who just haven't found the right fellow to settle down with, and there's nothing wrong with that.
Dear Ted:
Just read the piece about Michelle Rodriguez and Rose McGowan saying that powerful women like them don't need to flash audiences to get attention. They also are clueless enough to mention Angelina Jolie as a role model for the powerful woman who doesn't take off her clothes to rule in a movie. OK, so how about Original Sin, Wanted, Tomb Raider...and the list goes on. McGowan, who walked the MTV Awards red carpet totally naked, says she's wearing a parka next time she goes to a meeting for a movie. She can wear anything and she'll still get the part since the only person hiring her these days is her boyfriend! But the first time she went to him, she was wearing no parka, and during Planet Terror's most scenes she was wearing nothing at all! True feminine power comes from a woman who can pull off a sexy style without looking like a slut. Know anyone like that? Dressing as a man like Rodriguez does or being a hypocrite like McGowan is no female power at all!
—Bethany
Dear Chatty Cathy:
Look at you on your high horse, Beth. First of all, both gals agreed that it's a problem and said they shouldn't have to be sexed up to kick some ass. Second, all three gals, though admittedly with minimal clothing are strong, tough chicks. Don't think you can (or should) knock ‘em so quickly, 'cause without them…who do we have?
Dear Ted:
I don't really have a question so much as a request. Can you be on the Chelsea Lately Round Table? Please!
—K
Dear Ask and You Shall Receive:
I have, babe, twice!