Kevin Mazur/Getty Images; John Shearer/Getty Images; Kevin Mazur/WireImage.comWe're noticing a trend with these tell-alls constantly being released: they'd make damn good movies! (Like Kitty Kelley's job on Oprah—Tracy Morgan, hello?)
Now, after we had so much fun casting the big-screen version of the infamous Twilight tell-all, we figured it'd be just as much fun to do the same thing for Andrew Morton's recent puff-job biography of Angelina Jolie.
The whole gang makes an appearance...Brad Pitt, Jennifer Aniston and even that cute little pride of children. So, who'd we pick to play who?
Megan Fox as Angelina Jolie: We don't necessarily like this casting, but there was really no other youngster similar enough to step into Queen Jolie's stilettos. Remember, the flick would span Jolie's journey from twentysomething to middle-aged mommy. Killer makeup would be necessary to transform Fox from Jolie protégé to full-on imitation lioness.
Ryan Gosling as Brad Pitt: When you think about it, Brad doesn't really say or do much, does he? Well, Gosling's always been the quiet type. The quiet and extremely pretty type, that is. And frankly, he rocks the beard better than Brad ever did.
Katherine Heigl as Jennifer Aniston: Hear us out on this one. Katherine used to be that sweet, slightly edgy roommate-next-door...before she opened her mouth, that is. But when she's sweet, she's like friggin' candy. The idea of Heigl portraying the wronged yet always charming and positive Aniston will probably grow on you, right?
Anne Hathaway as James Haven: The infamous brother of Angelina Jolie is the perfect part for Hathaway, who would probably turn the role into a gender-bending Supporting Actress (or Actor?) winner come Oscar time. And how sexy would a red carpet liplock between Hathaway and Fox be?! We're already sweating.
John Mayer as Billy Bob Thornton: Angelina's second husband was a little eccentric (um, they wore each other's blood on necklaces), a little freaky and a little douchey. Hey, this isn't the John Mayer biopic, is it?
Jacqueline Bisset as Marcheline Bertrand: Angie's late mother plays a large role in the tell-all, but she's still a sensitive subject. Bisset—a real-life, very close friend of both Bertrand and Angelina's godmother—would be beautiful tribute to the ambitious matriarch on the big screen.
Jon Voight as Jon Voight: Do you really think that Jon Voight would allow anyone other than Jon Voight to play him? If there's money and an Angelina-related project at hand, you know he's the only one to do himself justice.
Justin Bieber as Maddox Jolie-Pitt: The first adopted son of Angelina and Billy Bob Thornton is a tabloid prodigy himself, and he'd lead the cast of thousands (i.e. Brangelina's burgeoning brood), fabulously. Bieber may not look the part, but something tells us that the Biebs is a necessary inclusion if this movie is going to sell at all, right?
Anybody disagree?