Kimberley French/Summit EntertainmentDear Ted:
I have a challenge if you're (legally) willing to accept! My friends and I are all admittedly huge Twilight fans, and this whole "bisexual shenanigans" (or however you put it!) among the cast has got me, my tight-knit group of friends and our collective gaydar going nuts trying to give it our very best in figuring it out! That said, can you name two or three castmembers who are very, most definitely heterosexual? I unfortunately don't have a rescue dog or kitty (yet), but I do donate to some of our local no-kill shelters every month. Thanks, Ted, hate to love the column, but I so do!
—Mandi
Dear Bi Curious:
Will one Twi hetero tide you over? Billy Burke. Shocker, I know. And thanks for the donations—so important to keep these animals from being killed whenever we can.
Dear Ted:
Do Crescent Cumquat and Jackie Bouffant resemble each other, and if you won't answer that, can you tell me if they've ever hooked up or if this will remain forever my unfulfilled mano-a-mano fantasy?
—Curious Cat
Dear Blind Boys:
These two dudes are more likely to swap shampoo—ya know, for their equally gorgeous locks—than spit, though what a hot little couple they would make—the kind teen (and adult?) day dreams are made of.
Dear Ted:
Matt Damon seems like a totally down to earth guy. He has that wife of his—who does seem a bit controlling, but given his history, maybe that is what he likes. Is he as really as vanilla as he seems? As he ever been a Blind Vice? If so, does his Blind Vice involve his now wife? I rescued an abandoned dog named Bella (no, not after the Twilight series, but after Stevie Nicks' Bella Donna—I am so old).
—Cincinnati
Dear Dogged:
Too funny, one of our bitchin' editors here, Katherine Riley, has a sweet pooch named Bella! And as far as Matt's hairier Vice-esque side, let's say he was one of our more slobber-worthy stars (totally sexy stuff, I'm tellin' ya), but, I'm afraid this was back in his Ben days. I don't know why, but, I think the dude decided he was more interested in acting than acting up, damn.
Dear Ted:
You've been in the entertainment business a long time and there's probably little a celebrity can do to surprise you these days. Regardless, have you ever been shocked or disillusioned to learn something about a celebrity? More interestingly, are there any celebrities you genuinely admire, and if so, why? BTW, thanks for your support of animal adoption. I think you have a big heart. Smooch!
—MD
Dear Questionairre:
Shocked? Never. Disillusioned? Who I heart? Bullock, for doing it all right. Baldwin, for coming back from his destruction. Glee, no explanation. Sex and the City's creators and cast, for making sex a sexier word. Britney, for hanging in there. Madonna, for flirting with me. Robsten, for rebelling. Miley, for all her loveable crap. Streep, period. Oprah, for not always telling the whole story.
Dear Ted:
Long time, no talk...but that pic of Pam Anderson, makes me think: "Cellulite Thighs Barbie just got electrocuted by a lightening bolt and her boobs are about to explode!" Pammy, Pammy, Pammy.....do the world a favor and cover that shit up already!! I'm begging you. Missed me, right?
—XOXO
Dear Caption This:
Please, Pam doesn't plan on covering up anytime soon—and why would she? What's that saying: If you've got it, flaunt it? And you can't hate on the babe for having some flaws. Love that she's still sexing it up, "cellulite" and all.
Dear Ted:
In the comments of your Bitch-Back "Angelina in a League of Her Own?" the posters were unanimous—none of us have ever seen a photo of Jensen Ackles and Danneel Harris where they've looked like more than strangers forced to stand next to each other. They seem to have zero interest in each other and zero chemistry. I find this odd, especially because at a recent Supernatural convention in LA, Jensen freely admitted that the chemistry between him and BFF/co-star, Jared Padalecki, was major reason for his show's success and renewal. Plus, when you look at pictures of them out and about, they look anything but bored together. What's your take on this? Is it normal for a guy to have better chemistry with his best bud than with his future-wife? Cheers!—Radha
Dear Chemistry Control:
The two may look boresville on the red carpet, but if you hear D.H. talk about her and Jensen's chemistry in person, the babe can be quite convincing. Kind of hard to top the Jackles chemistry though—I mean, that is why you guys are so into them. Not because they're so good at hunting demons on the small screen, no?
Dear Ted:
Just to let you know you are my own brand of heroin, yes I just made a Twilight reference but you are my drug. I feel that the readers, including myself, should get to know the guy behind The Awful Truth. You talk about the celebrities and its time that we get to know you more. I suggest we play a game of 21 questions. So here we go. Question 1: Which celebrity or person would you swing to the other side for? Mine would be Kristen Stewart any day.
—Faye
Dear Answer 1:
Nikki Reed, so I could get back to the other side as quickly as possible.
Dear Ted:
I absolutely love Joe Jonas, and I was just wondering how is it that he dated people like Taylor Swift, Camilla Belle and always secretly, and now he's dating this Demi Lovato and he's all over tabloids with her, almost begging to paparazzi to take pictures together like "Hey, look at us! We're a couple!" Plus, she's all over him all the time. And conveniently there's Camp Rock 2 coming, and Make a Wave and all that stuff. So I wanted to know: Do you think this is fake and made up by the big Disney Company in a desperate attempt to get attention? Do you think they're going to last? And do you think they're a good couple? (Personally I don't think so, I go for Jaylor).
—N
Dear Oh No, Joe:
I wouldn't go so far as to call it fake, but convenient? Definitely. As for lasting, well, I wouldn't count on it—at least, not unless there's a Camp Rock 3.
Dear Ted:
I finally watched Terminator: Salvation over the weekend and I can honestly now say that I do get the Sam Worthington worship. Wow! I mean wow! The face, the intensity, and not a bad actor at all given the limited script. A non-PG-13 comment: there is something about his yell when jumping or attacking—that sound makes you quiver and wonder what it would be like behind my closed bedroom door! Sorry, guess I got Worthington-happy! Keep us laughing Ted, you are always our reliable source in all H-town news. Would like also to encourage your readers to adopt. Just save one pet and treat it well, that love will be returned a tenth fold. It is worth your time, and more magically, your heart.
—Rita
Dear Sexy Sam:
Definitely H-town's new "It" boy and for good reason—and, after reading your review, I think I have to go rent Terminator: Salvation—not that I haven't already wondered about the stud's bedroom habits.
Dear Ted:
I love all things Robsten but here is my beef. Do Rob and Kristen honestly believe they are fooling anybody with their denial anymore? I get the feeling that the desire for secrecy is coming from Kristen and that if Rob had his way he would shout it from the rooftops because he is really proud of his girl. I may be way off base but it's just a vibe I get. What do you think, Ted?
—Tina
Dear In On It:
Of course they know you guys know they're a couple, but they also know that if they admit it you guys won't get as riled up about their so sneaky outings. Remember, they love watching you watch them, got it?
Dear Ted:
I thought Angelina had said she was going to take a break from acting to raise her children...what happened to that? It seems she's working more than ever. Is she afraid that no work equals no exposure? So now we have two people—who swear they hate the spotlight—overexposed and it's at their own doing. So Brad and Angie are still in love, they hang with their kids allot, the two little one's love that freaking balcony. I mean do Angie and Brad think everyone is stupid and can't see through these photo ops? Do you think Angie has the paps on speed dial, or is it her help who makes the phone calls? When are these two going to be done, I've had just about as much as I can take from them.
—ANC
Dear Overexposed:
Angie can say she hates the spotlight until she's blue in the face. Not buying it, babe.
Dear Ted:
I happen to love Jillian Michaels and was surprised that even though she basically "came out" as bisexual in this month's issue of Women's Health, there's been no news of it. Has this been more common knowledge than I thought? Also has she ever been a Blind Vice? Thanks Ted for all you do for animals. Mwah!
—Nichole
Dear Duh:
Darling, it rates about the same as Ricky Martin. Is there really a surprise here?
Dear Ted:
Just wondering what your take is on the Cameron-Justin-Jessica rumors. We heard that Justin and Jessica have an open relationship—any truth to that? And what are the chances that he and Cameron might rekindle the flame?
—Megan and Erin
Dear Three's Company:
J.Biel would totally not be down for an open relaysh, although we're sure J.T. wouldn't be as opposed. So don't expect to see Cameron and Justin too chummy-chummy on this new flick. At least, not more than is professionally required.
Dear Ted:
I was starting to think Reese was actually for real with Jim, but I keep seeing pictures of them taking walks, having lunch dates, and wearing baseball caps...it's starting to remind me of her and Jake...what's the deal?
—Amy
Dear Showmance Round 2?:
Poor Reese, right? It's going to take her plenty of time—and I'm sure plenty of guys—before we get the bad taste of Gyllenspoon out of our mouths. Bet she's up for the challenge, though.