Bitch-Back! What Is Ricky’s Vice?

Readers are dying to know which Blind Vice was Ricky Martin’s

Dear Ted:
Spill the (Mexican jumping) beans! Does Ricky Martin have a B.V.? Come on, share with us! I respect the dude, but I want a little dirt, too.
—Raf

Dear Coming Out:
Seems like everyone wants to know what his B.V. is, but I've got to keep my trap shut on this one. The fact that these stars are gay isn't really a Vice, is it? It's the superskanky things they do with other dudes that are the naughty details of the B.V.s.

Dear Ted:
I adopted a puppy my cousin rescued from a lady on a street corner in Oklahoma. We were not looking to have a dog, but he's become a wonderful member of our family. With that said, how about some more info on Barrington Bang-Me? Is he bisexual like Nevis, or is he only into dudes? Also, what does Barrington think about Nevis' beard? Is he OK with Nevis getting girl nooky on the side, or does he want Nevis all to himself?
—Sarah

Dear Bisexual Boys:
BBM has been far more subtle about his sexuality, but I would definitely say he's not opposed to experimenting with the ladies. And that's why Barry isn't totally put off by Nev's beard. I'm sure he wants Nevis to himself—who doesn't?—but he's realizes he needs to play the beard game to get any Nevis nooky. Follow me?

Dear Ted:
Quick ques on your last poll about Nikki Reed being desperate for attention. How is it that she is the only Twilight castmember seeking fame? I mean, Kellan and Ashley are rarely photographed, with the exception of the media circus surrounding Ashley when her photos were leaked. Jackson is hardly ever seen publicly and is the most down-to-earth of the entire cast! I've never met Nikki Reed and my only knowledge of her is based on what I read in your column, so I have to say that my liking to her has significantly decreased. I do have to say, that even though she is trying to get fame and attention, she is doing it "classy." Unlike her costar Ashley Greene, Nikki did not have nude photos "leaked" to the Internet, and she does not find herself on every men's magazine seminude to get more fans. Thoughts?
—D

Dear Ripping on Reed:
It's true, Nikki has gotten an unfortunate rep in H'wood in the past, but she definitely seems to be turning things around—which is nice to see, because, if anything, N.R. is supertalented (um, hello, she's been writing movies basically since she was in diapers) and of course supersexy.

Dear Ted:
I was pleasantly surprised about Ricky Martin's decision to get himself out in the open, since I thought he was one of those candidates who would stay in the closet forever. OK, I think no one was really surprised he is gay, but still. Granted, he did out himself in his own time, but it still was a big decision to make. To my mind he did the right thing for himself and those two boys of his, and I wish them all the best. So since there is a child involved as well, do you think that Toothy and Grey Goose took note and got to thinking a little? They can't keep up their charade forever, can they? Or do you think they are so deep in the closet already that there is no turning back?
—Nic

Dear Following Suit:
Definite bravo to Ricky, but there is still a big difference between him and Toothy coming out. While I think there's definitely a chance T2 could come out sometime in the near future, I wouldn't expect Ricky's success to inspire Toothy to come sprinting out of his closet.

Dear Ted:
Is it just me or does Demi Lovato seem way more open and happy about her new "relationship" than Joe Jonas? He seems to be almost MIA.
—Val

Dear Bragging Babe:
Well, who's got more to gain from this couple's recent canoodling? The JoBros are already superestablished—even outside of the immediate Disney circle—whereas Demi can only benefit from getting her smiling mug in the tabs.

Dear Ted:
I hope Robsten don't think they're being secretive when Kristen keeps stepping out wearing what are obviously Robert's shirts and jackets. Are they trying to make it obvious? Is this their way of confirming the relationship, or what?
—AG

Dear Mismatched:
The girl's got to stay clothed somehow, huh? And who knows, maybe the threads still smell like Rob—tho, on second thought, as much as we love the dude, that may not be such a great thing.

Dear Ted:
To be honest Ted, I'm glad that you aren't giving Kate Gosselin the benefit of the doubt. I'm seeing right through her! That whole "everyone quits on me" Monday night on DWTS? Please. Give me a break, could she be asking for more sympathy votes? She sucked! I mean at least when Cloris was on and didn't know what she was doing, she still had fun and made us laugh and had a good time, but Kate just looked like a mess, and not a hot one at that! Ugh, she needs to go!
—Julie

Dear Dancing Dud:
Everything about the drama between her and her dancing partner seemed calculated. I know that Kate can be quite the diva, but their "emotional reunion" was just too phony. As for her dancing, it's pretty obvious that Kate is taking this way too seriously—take a hint from Shannen Doherty, even if you don't have all the steps down, just have fun.

Dear Ted:
You sure had a lot of canine-related references in Moisty Mohr's B.V. Could it be that his business is pup-related, or does he just exude the dirty dawg vibe? Tell us what the reality of the situation is, babe! Kisses!
—Hayden

Dear Doggy Business:
Definitely the later—emphasis on the dirty.

Dear Ted:
Long time reader, first time emailer. I'm watching DWTS this season and I'm wondering are there any juicy secrets in Evan Lysacek's past? By the way, I'm also thinking about adopting a rescued shih tzu.
—Stephanie

Dear Skating Skeletons:
Go for it with the pooch! As for Ev, he seems to have a pretty spotless and supersuburban past, but that doesn't mean he hasn't dirtied it up a bit now that he's become a star. Tho, not too dirty, mind you.

Dear Ted:
If I can remember correctly, didn't Angelina swear she was taking time off to spend more time with her children? After saying that, she seems to be working more now than ever. What's up with that? I guess she realized making movies keeps her more in the spotlight, and thus forces down everyone's throats just how happy, happy, she and Brad are.

It makes me laugh that all the Brangelina lunatics hate on Jen because they claim she loves the spotlight, yet Angelina seems to crave it so much more. But it seems she is dying to prove to the world she has this very loving and normal family life.

Something tells me it's really dysfunctional. When you try so hard to prove to everyone that you are happy in a relationship (ahem, Will and Jada), something much more lies beneath. What I feel is even more disturbing is she seems to use the kids to prove her point, I mean, come on, how many more times are we going to see her on that balcony holding "the chosen ones"?
—P

Dear Trying Too Hard:
Dysfunctional is an understatement. The difference between Ang and Jen is that Jen is not even close to the media manipulator that Angelina is—so while both babes love attention, they go about it in very different ways.

Dear Ted:
I need to bitch about Tyra Banks. Do you have any gossip about her? I can't stand her phony accents (can she finish one friggin' sentence without acting like she's French or German?) It's straight-up embarrassing. All the poor people who have to listen to her in person and then act like she's funny and applaud her "performance" afterwards? Poor, poor people.
—Sugarsnap

Dear Diva Dissing:
Tyra's top priority in life, really, is her career—and neither she nor the people who work for her would argue that. But even with the people who come out and trash Tyra and her empire, she's doing something right, because she just keeps getting bigger and bigger—tho, we mean that strictly in terms of her career, as she's been inversely shrinking weight-wise.

Dear Ted:
My sister and I rescued an adorable dog that was left abandoned on the side of a freeway in a box. Can you give us a clue on who Topher Hairy Tuchus is?
—Mobey

Dear Sweetheart:
Yep, Topher's been out with a dog recently, too.

Dear Ted:
Have Avril Lavigne and Deryck Whibley ever been a B.V?
—Amanda

Dear Curious:
Why bother?

Dear Ted:
With all the closeted actors in Hollywood, how is it that no one ever accidentally outs themselves or someone else? That's a big secret to keep, and I would imagine it would be pretty easy for someone to slip up in an interview that they got comfortable in.
—Makayla

Dear Let It Slip:
You're right—it is a big secret to keep, which is why all these D.L. hunks take super, extra precautions to make sure none of their secrets or skanky ways leak to the public. Avoiding a "slipup" is always on their minds, trust. Thank heavens they're sloppy from time to time!

Dear Ted:
Last week you said Toothy (and Goose) are afraid they wouldn't get work if studios knew they were gay. I could swear I remember you saying that everyone in H'wood already knows all about T2 and G2. Are studio heads really in the dark? And does T2 ever take G2 to Industry events, particularly the kind not open to the prying eyes of the public? Or are they too deep in the closet for that?
—Jose

Dear Logistics:
It's not the Industry people, per se, that would stop T2 and G2 from working: it's the general public. If the viewers find out Toothy and hubby's secret, certain groups may be less inclined to see their movies, which the studio folks do not want.